Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #14

Wednesday

Sam

I fear this could be too little too late? My heart is screaming at my mind, what have you done, she is the one. My head is throbbing fit to burst, but slowly a warm flow is reaching that awful cold place my man logic erupted from. I cannot promise it will not happen again, but my heart now has me firmly in its grasp. It does not want to risk losing you again.

Erin

You have had me in agony waiting for your reply. I want you and only you. Your heart is right, ignore your doubts. You can’t truly love if you have doubt in your heart. There is no doubt in mine.

Sam

I felt so tense opening your reply and so completely overwhelmed by what you said – I keep re-reading to be sure of the implication of your words. I’ve been so selfish – I do not think I had ever taken in just how deep your feelings for me are. I always hoped but never thought you could feel the same way about me as I do for you. I need you, Erin, I always will.

Erin

Your message has brought tears to my eyes. I’m being silly now, aren’t I? I just feel so strongly for you.

Sam

You are not being silly -our hearts know better than our minds what we are to each other and become so frustrated with us that they are letting our bodies know through tears and aches in need to be relieved places. My body is tingling as I type, my senses so heightened at the thought of your touch, the whole of me so wanting the whole of you.

Erin

You are such a romantic – I absolutely love it and everything you have said. I pray once I am in your arms and we are looking into each other’s eyes, everything will be perfect for us.

 

Thursday

Sam

There is not a day you are not in my thoughts – you are a part of me. You are the one who opened up my heart and showed me how to feel. I realise I’ve made mistakes, that I suffocated you with emotion, that I did not give you room to breathe. I hardly let myself breathe. I know very little but sense and feel so much. You are real and out there somewhere, I am out there too and always will be for you.

Erin

You are just unbelievably good at this, aren’t you? I so don’t understand why you have not been snapped up and appreciated in the way I intend to. Let’s just take things slowly, Sam, and you’ll not regret it, I promise.

Sam

I can only wonder what is so wrong, so sensitive in your life that you need to be so cautious. It’s what you mean by slowly, I know. Still, I have your promise and sense it’s not given lightly.

Erin

I know the onus is on me to change this, and I will as soon as humanly possible. Until then I ask you to please trust your senses, and your well-placed judgement and feelings for me.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #13

Friday

Sam

We both appear to be struggling. I try to be a decent man for you but admit I find my self-respect waning being on a site like this.  My mind says you are unable to give, yet my heart says otherwise.

Erin

Okay, cards on the table. I want to be with you. I mean everything I say to you, but I also feel pressured by you at the moment into moving on so hurriedly! It’s not really your fault I’m feeling pressured, it’s in me to react to pressure so I apologise for that.  But please understand, I’m not having a go at you, I’m just asking you to let me sort myself out, in my time. I will be with you, I promise you that.

Sam

Sometimes I wonder if you actually believe some of the seemingly credible excuses you come up with. Why don’t you simply have the decency to say that you enjoy the fantasy of messaging and that though you may believe it at the time, when it comes to the reality of commitment in any form, you are incapable of showing it. I feel such a fool to have let you mislead me.

Erin

I am not at all sure how I respond to that message! Nobody is saying you are a fool, but you are not truly giving me the time and space I need. I keep telling you I hate being pushed, but you keep on doing it. Please don’t be like this. I hate that you think I don’t trust you because I do. I promise you, it will all be worth the wait, and one day we will laugh about this.

 

Saturday

Sam

My heart is leaking you, my every nerve on edge as I tell you that I’m not able to go on like this. This site for you is a sanctuary – for me it is a prison. I’ve said and done all I can to bring us together but failed. Erin, there is nothing else I can do. To stay on here would be torture. You probably cannot see it, but you are pushing me away, pushing me beyond the limits of what I can take.

Erin

Come on, please don’t be like that. I didn’t realise you feel I’m pushing you away. This is just madness. We have a good thing here and I don’t want it to end.  I really care for you, and will make it happen soon. That is if you still want me?

 

Sunday

Sam

I’m not going to message for a while. Maybe if you re-read your messages you’ll see what I see, someone who cannot bring herself to give anything for us. Your reasons, no doubt good ones, but I wouldn’t know.

Erin

Okay, well go then! Honestly, I’m totally gutted that you can just leave me like this!

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #12

Wednesday

Sam

Good to hear I’m home? You’re completely confusing me! I’m trying to help you, but you don’t seem to need it? I thought we had something, yet you can’t wait even a day for me. You’ve got me thinking!

Erin

Can you just slow down a bit? I’m feeling really overwhelmed with all that’s going on and I need to be with someone I know, that’s all. Look, Sam, you are getting too heavy too fast, and I can’t cope right now, okay.

Sam

I really feel for you, you know that. Whatever’s going on in your life right now, little if anything, seems good. I can’t say I understand because you’ve still not told me anything. We have something good, don’t we?

Erin

I really don’t know what we have if I’m being honest. I think I have feelings for you, but I can’t deal with them right now. I’m feeling pressured and I hate that. You’re truly a great guy, but I just feel, and I’m so sorry to say this, that you are suffocating me. I just want things to slow way down. Please give me space to sort myself out. Sorry.

 

Thursday

Sam

Where did that come from?  It was only a couple of days ago that you said you don’t want to be given space and now I’m suffocating you? Not for the first time, you’re not making much sense to me. We both know that we need to move forward and for me it needs to be this week.

Erin

Okay, well, I am reading that and thinking you’re not really as into this as I am. Yes, I know that we have to move to the next step and that’s what we’re trying to do, aren’t we? If only it could be a bit easier, that’s all!

Sam

I sense real desperation in you which makes me so annoyed with myself that I have clearly failed to earn your trust.  Such a shame as talking to me would be easier than you seem to think. Believe it or not I’m the kind of man who listens, the kind of man you’ll have never spoken to before.

Erin

I do find it hard to open up about problems, but that’s because I’ve had it thrown back in my face before. I’m sure you are trustworthy, but maybe it is my own courage that’s the problem?

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #11

Sunday

Sam

How are you this morning, Erin? You must have been awake most of the night. You only need to ask and I will come to you. Maybe today you’d like to talk?

Erin

Hello, Sam, you are right it was a long and lonely night. I could have done with some strong arms around me and a warm body to cuddle. You’re lovely and I know you’re only trying to help, but it’s just so hard talking about personal things when you feel you should be coping and you really aren’t.

Sam

I can see it’s enough for you that I am here and I’ll not push. I’m sending out every vibe I can to try and touch you.

Erin

Oh, Sam, I wish you knew just how wonderful you are and how much you lift my spirits. You truly are my rock. Somehow you understand me like no one else does.

 

Monday

Sam

Another day, and I’m not sure what to say other than how are you? I guess it would seem strange if I just turned up to be with you. Now is obviously not the time to try and explain our relationship to anyone. I can’t help but be very worried about you and all you are going through. Perhaps it would be for the best for me to give you more space to cope with things in your own way?

Erin

Yes, some people would probably think that we have a strange relationship, but I don’t care about that. I don’t really want to be given space if that means I won’t hear from you as I’d hate that. Try not to be worried about me as I don’t want to be a burden on you.

Sam

You could never be a burden to me, please don’t ever think that. Crap timing as ever, I’ve been asked to be in Brussels on Tuesday to report back on what I got up to in Greenland. I’ve been booked on a flight this afternoon, but I will be back tomorrow night, I promise.

Erin

I really do believe that you are the one in a million man that every woman believes is out there for her but never thinks she will come across. Well, I have been lucky enough to find you. I know that you care and want to help me, but you must go and do your thing. I’ll be okay and as you said I do need to deal with things in my own way. I’ll tell you all about it when you get back.

 

Tuesday

Sam

Hi, Erin, I’m at Heathrow, just waiting for a taxi. Should be home in about an hour. Do you want to meet up? I don’t mind where. It’ll be easier to talk face-to-face, don’t you think? Hope to see you later.

Erin

Sam, lol, your timing – I’m waiting for a friend to call me back. I’ll probably stay with her tonight. I just need someone to hold me, and to get a little drunk with. I’m not coping too well on my own. Good to hear you are home though.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #10

It’s mid-June – Sam returns from Greenland:

Friday

Sam

Hi, Erin, I got back home as the sun rose and had to head straight for the garden. I’m so in need of colour, familiar sights and sounds – most of all I need to be back in touch with you. I felt my face brushed by a breeze and wondered if it had touched you too. Maybe I’m just a little crazy… missing you. These past three weeks, so many days, too many nights, have been surreal. As I slipped into a sometimes troubled sleep, I felt you come to me, hold me close and ease away my fears. Perhaps it was just my wishful thinking, yet when I woke to find you weren’t there, I sensed you near, as if an angel waiting, to come down again to me. Somehow I know that you are well, but I’ll ask you all the same – how are you? How have you been?

Erin

Hello, stranger, I’ve been very well, thank you. It sounds to me as if you feel as I do, that you have been away for far too long. To be in your arms, my body close to yours, feeling your warm hands and breath on me would be my idea of heaven. I’m a little too naughty to be an angel… hmm, I like the idea of coming down on you. What are you doing at the weekend? And please don’t say you are going to be disappearing again.

Sam

Hello, you, I’ve missed your cheeky ‘hmm’s. I’ll be around a while, apart from maybe the odd day or two. As for this weekend, no plans other than to be free and easy, exposing myself in every way to the joys of English weather; immersing myself in nature’s palate. No doubt I’ll have a glass or two of wine and let my every sense go where they need to. How about you?

Erin

Oh, you know, it crossed my mind to spend some time with you.

 

Saturday

Sam

Can you believe it? I fell asleep and didn’t see your message until the small hours of this morning. I had to get up as I was just too restless. I’ve not showered at 3 am before but, it’s weird, I feel as if I need to be ready for something? I should have had the nerve to tell you my every sense needs me to be with you this weekend. You’ve blown my mind saying you want this too, but I can’t help thinking something’s wrong. Are you okay, Erin?

Erin

Oh, Sam, thank God I’ve managed to catch you on here. I’ve just popped home to freshen up and get a few things; I’ve been at the hospital all night. Sorry – got to rush, I’ll tell you about it later when things have calmed down a bit.

Sam

Hey, Erin, what’s happened? Look, just let me know if you need anything, anything at all, okay? A kind voice, a silent presence, someone to kick and scream at, a hand to hold, arms to hug you, a shoulder to lean on… Just remember you are not alone – no matter what you’re going through I’ll be there for you.

Erin

Thank you so much for saying that, just knowing that you are here and that you care is making this a little easier for me. Sometimes I think I’m being laughed at from a great height and it feels too much. I’m so glad I have you, Sam.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #9

Saturday

Sam

This afternoon I’m free. I can’t help but feel I should be arm in arm with you, talking, sharing smiles, walking down our local streets, bars and coffee shops inviting us to step in – familiar people pause and stare. Perhaps that’s it – I am asking too much of someone as young and beautiful as you to be seen with a man like me?

Erin

I guess I’m just scared and nervous about the whole thing. The feelings I have for you are truly overwhelming and I’m worried that when we do take those steps to meet you may change your mind and not want a girl like me.

 

Sunday

 Sam

Erin, how could I not want you? In truth I feel as though I’m falling for you, a crazy thing to say I know, but somehow you’ve stroked my heart and opened it – you’re flowing through my veins.

Erin

It’s not crazy at all. You can’t help the way you feel, none of us can. Feelings can be very strange things and sometimes shock us, but I do have very strong feelings for you too, and I’ve never even met you!

Sam

I can’t help myself – my words for you, of you:

 

A quiet moment lying in the sun, muscles stretched, relaxed

imagination in free fall, every thought of you, your beauty

longing for you to be beside me, my toes touching yours

our bodies in alignment, my hardness to your softness

desires and needs expressed in breathless whispers

intimate caresses, hands tentatively exploring, lips tasting

a prelude to the ultimate… a nice hot cup of tea.

 

I’m thinking of you, Erin… always.

 

Erin

I’m trembling, I don’t know if to laugh or cry. Your words touch me in ways I did not think possible. If this is a dream it will be the best dream I have ever had, and if I have to wake, I want to wake with you beside me, to hold you and never let you go.

 

Monday

Sam

Hi, Erin, did you sleep well? I got up early and am now at the airport.  It’s 6.30 am and we are about to go to the departure gate. You are so worth waiting for – I’m sure of how I feel. At least I’ll have my dreams of you in the never-ending daylight nights. 

Erin

Oh, Sam, you take care. I can’t quite believe you’re not here. I’ll be waiting for you, promise.

 

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #8

 

Thursday

Sam

Erin, what can I say? This is how my life is. I thought you knew that from the start.  I have no ties, no responsibilities to anyone, and I come and go as I’m asked. I can’t just stop, even if I wanted to. Look, I’ve been straight with you – where I’m going is far too remote to be able to log on to a site like this. I know I’m sounding blunt. I don’t mean to, but I do need you to realise we’ll need to move off of here if you want the chance of a relationship with me.

Erin

I can’t believe you sent me that. You sound so cold and detached, and again you are trying to impose your will on me. It seems I got you wrong and you are not the man I imagined you to be. Oh well.

Sam

Oh, Erin, why be like this? I just want to have a way of keeping in touch with you, that’s all. Is that really too much to ask? Cold and detached? You must be psychic, as I will be, but not in the way you think. I fly to Reykjavik on Sunday then on to Greenland.  The weather is bad right now, but if we can the plan is to move on to the ice cap by Wednesday. So hostile to begin with, then sheer beauty shining through. How about you?

Erin

My head is pounding, Sam. I can’t take all of this in. I am so unsure what to do, I can’t make sense of some of these feelings I have right now. I can’t stop thinking about you. I keep saying it, but I’ve never known a man like you. I didn’t even know men like you existed. I’m almost too scared to ask, but why do you have to be out there?

 

Friday

Sam

I’m walking in the rain alone my head bowed heavy with my thoughts, wanting to tell you more than I can, and I will when we are more secure than we are now. There are plenty of men like me and women too. I’ll have one with me – she goes everywhere I go, keeps me out of trouble, so no need to be scared for me. I’m drenched to the skin but do not want to go in, so I’ll stay outside and steam a while with my thoughts of being inside with you.

Erin

In a minute I’m going to wake up and find that this is all a dream.  No man has ever turned me on the way you do. My imagination is going wild. I need you to go in, to feel how wet I am too.

Sam

Imagine… you walk towards me hands outstretched. I mirror you. Our fingers touch, hands connect, arms enfold, and we embrace. You nuzzle my neck, and my eyes stream dewdrops on your hair. You look up, your eyes glisten, and moisten me. Our warmth creates a mist, mysterious, breathed in, every tear of joy shed condensed within. Lips dare to kiss, tongue tips touch, silently saying so much. We squeeze up tight, spellbound…we say hello.

Erin

You have made my skin come out in goose bumps. I so want the first time we meet to be like this – I so want to be squeezed up close to you.