His & Hers: Raw Lines #15 – but you won’t believe that either …

His:     Another weekend, short skirt, low top should get you what you need, quickie gratification, live up to why you’re on here. Get touched up for real, jerking off guys on this site must be frustrating for you. I guess most suss you out quite quickly, not so bloody stupid as me to fall for you. By now you may well have had a few drinks so might get to see the real you, what the hell you might actually loosen up and say what you really mean?

Hers:   That message was really horrible and unnecessary.  It’s really quite alarming when I read back through our messages and see how drastically your tone has changed towards me in such a short space of time. I think I was wise not to rush into anything especially as you clearly only see me as cheap and chatting to loads of other men. You couldn’t be more wrong, what a shame, I hope you find what you are looking for.

His:     If you’ve reread our messages then you will know the real me and realise that I had to do something drastic to find the real you. Do you honestly think I wanted to write that? I’ve found what I’m looking for, it’s you.

Hers:   Well if you didn’t want to write it then why did you? It is very hurtful and nasty and I am really not sure at all how I feel about you or anything anymore after you being so horrible to me.

His:     Look, I wrote ‘that’ message for a reason, to shake you up, to see if we really mattered to you, if I really mattered to you? Your reply this morning showed me the real you, the woman I always thought you were – you showed incredible maturity, despite the hurt, the provocation to lash out. You say you’re not sure of how you feel about me now, I think maybe you are even more sure than you were before, you are still messaging me for the same reason as I am you, neither of us could cope with losing each other – it really scares me, I’m still shaking, I took a huge risk last night, I had to, I had to bring things to a head.

Hers:   Your message was cruel and nasty, but you sent it because you wanted to shake me up? I’ve seen another side of you, a side I don’t like. If you really had feelings for me, you wouldn’t have sent a message like that.

His:     There is no way of explaining myself here is there? You know me, but choose to believe I’m bad and nasty, I know you, I know you’re not cheap, that’s why I said it, to get a reaction from you, to snap you out of being so damn passive, so irritatingly evasive, so annoyingly patronising on here. You are forever waiting, for what?  The sun doesn’t shine out of my backside or yours and never will, so please get real, accept us as we are, yes with a few flaws, both a bit bloody minded at times, but wow what a pair we are, what a couple we could be, if only you could see. I guess you want me to go now, if so I’ll respect your wish.

Hers:   I think you’ve shown what type of person you are by writing a message like that. I am an honest and sincere person and don’t like playing mind games, but you clearly do.

His:     I see no possibility of understanding or forgiveness from you so why are you still messaging if I’m so evil, so beneath you, so not your type? What you think matters but what you think about me is wrong, but you’ll never know. It’s such a shame but if you really have nothing left in you for me, then please stop messaging me and I’ll go. And just so you know I got it wrong, I blew it, looks like I’ve lost the woman I love, but you won’t believe that either.

Hers:   Because quite simply I can’t let go. I am desperately trying to work out why you said what you said. It upset me so much but then again it made me realise exactly how much you mean to me. Damn you, I still want you so much.

His & Hers raw words are extracts from a file of fictional messages written in recent years titled ‘Believing Sight Unseen.’ A first novel ‘Sam & Erin’ drawn from these extracts is nearing completion – a second novel ‘Sean & Ellie’ is in progress too.