Sunday

Sam

Erin, I’ll hold you to that, and every inch of me. It will be so wonderful to see you. I can’t stop smiling at the thought of being with you soon. My heart is thumping as I write – we are so close, just a week away from being all we dreamed. This is our time now – we each deserve to be happy, to be in each other’s arms.

Erin

Your message really has made me feel somewhere between laughing with sheer happiness and crying with emotion. Sam, I don’t know what you are doing to me, but I can’t get you out of my head. I fancy you something rotten, but at the same time you have become my friend – there’s no one who understands me the way you do. I know that being in your arms will feel where I belong. I can only hope you feel the same.

Monday

Sam

I feel as though I’m walking on air, in a world with only you. I ache beyond belief to see you. My only wish is to make you happy. We have a future, a good one – please let’s make sure we happen.

Erin

Do you really believe we can bring happiness into one another’s lives? I know that I am happy now,  but can it really last?

Sam

We can and will, Erin. Be strong, hold on, till next weekend, then I’ll be strong enough for both of us and you will see that, yes, all this has been worth it. Do not weaken, we have almost reached out far enough to touch each other – just imagine how wonderful that will be!

Erin

I’m trying, Sam. I really am.

Tuesday

 Sam

I so want to be with you, every day of waiting is now almost too much to bear. I’m absolutely committed to you – you are my girl, my perfect woman. I would like to start my life afresh with you, us as a couple, sharing everything in every way.

Erin

Heavens, that is such a powerful statement to make. It makes me feel a little nervous to be honest. I do want you as much as I have said I do, but I do worry that you are putting too much into us. Have you even thought of the possibility that when we meet I may not be what you have conjured up in your head and then you will feel let down? I’m sorry if I sound a bit negative, but I really do need you to keep your feet on the ground.

Sam

I understand what you are saying, Erin, I do see where you are coming from. I realise that for you our romance is something you hope for but until we meet is not a given. But you know, Erin, there is no way you could let me down. When we meet, nothing that I see or hear from you could ever change the way I feel. What lies ahead for us will be good, I’m certain. And you are right, we’ll take it step-by-step, date-by-date and enjoy the pleasure of being with each other.

Erin

I feel the same about taking things step-by-step. I really want to make sure that this is real and not just the first flush of a new relationship. I want this to work and not be a fool again.

♦

Friday

Sam

Erin, I hope you’re home safe. No matter how you feel about yourself right now, no matter what your friends have said that has hurt you so deeply, you are and always will be a very special woman to me. My heart is not broken and nor should yours be. My feelings for you are as they have always been, and always will be. You are an irreplaceable vital part of me. If you feel anger then use it to give you strength to set free the loving caring woman I know you to be – if not for me, then for yourself. And be sure of this, I’d be proud to stand by you, as my friend, my soul-mate and my lover – to be any one of these or all, would make me happy.

Erin

You are the most adoring and gentle man. You are everything I hoped, I imagined, the perfect man could be. Just give me a little time and I will make you feel so proud for me to be your woman.

Saturday

Sam

Hello, Erin, how’s your weekend going? I hope you and your friends are seeing eye to eye again, I really do. I would not want to be the cause of any animosity between them and you, a man on the internet, a man you’ve never seen. How could they grasp all we feel? How could they understand the way fate worked for me and you? How we met on here is a mystery, a miracle. I just know we are meant to be, but how could they? How could they know how long ago I fell for you? If only they could see how good I am for you and you are for me.

Erin

That’s just the point. They only see you as a man on the internet, suspect, even dangerous, like the man who scared me once before. They don’t understand our relationship or our feelings for each other. Too bad, they will just have to accept that it’s my life and my choice.

Sam

I obviously touched a nerve asking how things were between you and your friends. I’m not too sure from your reply exactly what it is that you have told them and what you need them to accept as your choice of how to live. That you’ve been scared by something from your past has long been obvious to me. I won’t dwell on this unless you want to talk about it, but I do want you to feel free to talk to me about anything at all. You know I’ll always listen and believe in you. It goes without saying I wish we were together. That you’d let me help you smile, and laugh, and even cry, to just be yourself and know that all I’ll ever want from you is to be the woman I know you are.

Erin

No, let’s not dwell on it. It’s one friend in particular who thinks she knows everything. Let’s focus on us and being happy and my friends will see that I am happy and that’s what should matter to them, right? I love that you are a part of my life – you are the right man for me. I am ready, Sam, let’s make next weekend the beginning of everything for us.

♦

Tuesday

Sam

Friends… I have one who knows about you. I didn’t tell her, she worked it out. Something to do with me talking in my sleep, and no, not with her – it’s just the nature of the things we do that we need to share accommodation. As it happens I saw her last week, the first time we’d met up since we were in Greenland. I’ve mentioned her before – she took my profile photo. We’ve been to some inhospitable places, all in the name of science! Bottom line, she was shocked that we had not met up and told me exactly what she thought was going on. Not at all complimentary – to either you or me. Made me think, do you get reactions like this from your friends when you talk of us?

Erin

My friends are excited for me and know you must be a very special man, because I keep telling them! My closest friend looks out for me, but as yet she hasn’t said too much. She is the only one who knows about the bad experience I had which as you well know has made me very cautious. I remember you telling me about your colleague – I hadn’t realised you were that close. She sounds as if she might be jealous of me. I admit I feel a bit that way with her. Anyway, exactly what does she think is going on here then?

Sam

She thought you had ‘daddy issues’ and you were just using me as an emotional sop. She said she was amazed that I was dumb enough to fall for it and mad to think you would ever meet me. And for good measure, I was effectively using you to make me feel good – actually it was worse than that!  I tried to explain, but she’s a bit headstrong, and up and left, and we haven’t spoken since. The sooner we are out in the open, and face whatever we might have to, the better, don’t you think?

Erin

Oh my God, I’m absolutely furious. Who the hell does she think she is? She clearly feels bad about herself for her to be making those assumptions. Are you going to be able to handle her?  I’m worried she’ll try to mess things up for us.

Sam

I must admit I didn’t expect that reaction from her. Maybe it’s just as well I’ve not told anyone else about us. I guess it would be a stretch for anyone to get their heads around our relationship. It’s taken us quite a while, hasn’t it? Anyway, I’m sure she will be fine, I caught her cold so to speak. I’ll be working with her again this week – I doubt anything more will be said.

Erin

It just makes me so mad that a friend could be so hurtful and say what she said to you. You are an amazing person and you shouldn’t need anyone to make you feel good.  You are a beautiful man, inside and out. I’m so sorry that I have made things awkward for you. Please assure her, I’m not playing games with you or your feelings and never will. I am genuine, Sam. I’ve fallen for you.

♦

Early July

Sunday

Sam

Deep within you there is a place of peace, breathe slow and easy and you will find it. It’s where your heart and mind can meet to show your truest feelings. Relax and close your eyes, let your worries fade to leave you as one with your passions and desires. If I am there with you, in any shape or form, there is a chance for us. If I am nowhere to be seen or felt within you then sadly the day has come for you to let me go. I have done this often and you are always in me. I see you all the time, but I ask you to honestly tell me if I am in you too.

Erin

I tell you honestly, Sam, you are in my heart and I never want to lose you. It is you I wake up thinking about, you who I eat lunch with and think about, and you who I go to bed dreaming about.

Sam

We have so much to talk about. Time and circumstance are not our friends, but for both our sakes I want us to work. I so want to hold your hand, strange man that I am.

Erin

No, you are not strange at all. Holding hands and giving each other a little squeeze is what I need more than anything right now. I just worry about being in your world and yes, you being in mine too – us being over before we’ve begun. We will both have to be so careful and take care to make us work. We will get our time, I am sure of that.

Monday

Sam

How is your friend? I hope she is well and on the mend. I broke four of my ribs a few years ago. It took a while for me to recover, but then I’m a restless kind of man. I sense that your injuries have healed, but please tell me you are okay.

Erin

My chest took most of the impact. I went a bit purple for a while, but don’t worry, I’m still in good shape! My friend is much better now, thank you and back in her own place. I think I’ve been driving her mad talking about you. I hope you don’t mind, I’ve been telling my friends about us. I can’t wait for them to meet you and for you to be a part of my life. Some of them have been a bit cheeky asking if you would be up for a three-some! Don’t even think about it, Sam, I’ve told them you are all mine. You are, aren’t you?

♦