Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #23

Friday

Sam

I didn’t sleep well last night. I had this niggling thought that you are going to back out of meeting up this weekend. Thankfully daylight has cleared my head. So, Erin, I’ll ask again, where and when works best for you?

Erin

This has all happened so fast though. Don’t you think we should slow down and really talk about us and our feelings? I really don’t want this to end, but I’m also scared it will all fizzle out if we rush things.

Sam

I’d be really disappointed if you still have any concerns about me, especially now. To be honest I find it hard to reconcile what we feel for each other with being on here. We don’t need this site, surely?

Erin

We will have to sort something out that is for sure, something that is good for both of us. I agree that messaging, good as it is, is not enough.

Sam

Oh, please don’t get too enthusiastic, I might actually think you are keen to meet!  Amazing, after all you’ve said to me. I thought we were there, but it seems just nearly.

Erin

Sam, please, it doesn’t help you being sarcastic with me. It’s really not something I appreciate, okay!

Sam

Is that really the best you have to offer?

Erin:

I’m sorry, Sam, I don’t mean to be difficult. I love what we have here. I guess I can be immature at times. You know so much more about life than me, you see things how they are, but I still have things to learn. I hope you won’t give up on us and that you’ll guide me to you.

Sam

I won’t give up on us, but you do need to accept that we need to get off this site and keep in touch directly. I realise it took a lot for you to admit you may have things to learn, we both have, not least to have complete faith in each other.

Erin

Well, yes, I can see that, but I’m not willing to come off of this site until we have met up in person.

Sam 

Erin, our future is in your hands. It’s up to you now to do the right thing for us. We are not strangers, yet you treat me like one. It’s time we moved on, one way or another.

Erin

I am not treating you like a stranger, you know I’m not. That is quite a hurtful remark for you to make, Sam. Just be patient with me, please.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #22

Wednesday

Sam

Somehow we’ll see this through, be off of here, and be together, me and you. It’s what I think of most, the times we have to come. I see you in my mind, try to imagine how you’ll look – your hair, your clothes, what you wear beneath, what it would be like to feel the softness of your skin. I so need to see your smile, to hold your hand I’ll not willingly let go. I think of the things we’ll say, the laughter, the fun, how at ease we’ll be, as us.

Erin

You say such wonderful things to me, Sam. Where do you get all of these lovely words from? You must have such an amazing imagination – I dare not write the things I’m imagining!

 

Thursday

Sam

I have an idea or two about what we could do this weekend, to explore each other a little, to see where we’d like to go next. I’ve no idea where you live other than it must be quite close to London, as I am too. I’m quite flexible. What day and locality would be best for you?

Erin

Are you going to share these ideas with me? I would love to know what sort of places you enjoy going to. Do you think we can do something casual that doesn’t involve booking anything as that would seem a little too formal for me.

Sam

Erin, of course, informal is fine for me. I enjoy all sorts of places. It’s who you’re with and how you feel that matters. We will have a great time, just let me know where and when.

Erin

Sam, you’re so right, it’s the company that you are in that makes a good night out. Sometimes if it’s not a nice place but you’re with a person you really want to be with, it makes everything okay.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #21

Sunday

Sam

Erin, I’ll hold you to that, and every inch of me. It will be so wonderful to see you. I can’t stop smiling at the thought of being with you soon. My heart is thumping as I write – we are so close, just a week away from being all we dreamed. This is our time now – we each deserve to be happy, to be in each other’s arms.

Erin

Your message really has made me feel somewhere between laughing with sheer happiness and crying with emotion. Sam, I don’t know what you are doing to me, but I can’t get you out of my head. I fancy you something rotten, but at the same time you have become my friend – there’s no one who understands me the way you do. I know that being in your arms will feel where I belong. I can only hope you feel the same.

 

Monday

Sam

I feel as though I’m walking on air, in a world with only you. I ache beyond belief to see you. My only wish is to make you happy. We have a future, a good one – please let’s make sure we happen.

Erin

Do you really believe we can bring happiness into one another’s lives? I know that I am happy now,  but can it really last?

Sam

We can and will, Erin. Be strong, hold on, till next weekend, then I’ll be strong enough for both of us and you will see that, yes, all this has been worth it. Do not weaken, we have almost reached out far enough to touch each other – just imagine how wonderful that will be!

Erin

I’m trying, Sam. I really am.

 

Tuesday

 Sam

I so want to be with you, every day of waiting is now almost too much to bear. I’m absolutely committed to you – you are my girl, my perfect woman. I would like to start my life afresh with you, us as a couple, sharing everything in every way.

Erin

Heavens, that is such a powerful statement to make. It makes me feel a little nervous to be honest. I do want you as much as I have said I do, but I do worry that you are putting too much into us. Have you even thought of the possibility that when we meet I may not be what you have conjured up in your head and then you will feel let down? I’m sorry if I sound a bit negative, but I really do need you to keep your feet on the ground.

Sam

I understand what you are saying, Erin, I do see where you are coming from. I realise that for you our romance is something you hope for but until we meet is not a given. But you know, Erin, there is no way you could let me down. When we meet, nothing that I see or hear from you could ever change the way I feel. What lies ahead for us will be good, I’m certain. And you are right, we’ll take it step-by-step, date-by-date and enjoy the pleasure of being with each other.

Erin

I feel the same about taking things step-by-step. I really want to make sure that this is real and not just the first flush of a new relationship. I want this to work and not be a fool again.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #20

Friday

Sam

Erin, I hope you’re home safe. No matter how you feel about yourself right now, no matter what your friends have said that has hurt you so deeply, you are and always will be a very special woman to me. My heart is not broken and nor should yours be. My feelings for you are as they have always been, and always will be. You are an irreplaceable vital part of me. If you feel anger then use it to give you strength to set free the loving caring woman I know you to be – if not for me, then for yourself. And be sure of this, I’d be proud to stand by you, as my friend, my soul-mate and my lover – to be any one of these or all, would make me happy.

Erin

You are the most adoring and gentle man. You are everything I hoped, I imagined, the perfect man could be. Just give me a little time and I will make you feel so proud for me to be your woman.

 

Saturday

Sam

Hello, Erin, how’s your weekend going? I hope you and your friends are seeing eye to eye again, I really do. I would not want to be the cause of any animosity between them and you, a man on the internet, a man you’ve never seen. How could they grasp all we feel? How could they understand the way fate worked for me and you? How we met on here is a mystery, a miracle. I just know we are meant to be, but how could they? How could they know how long ago I fell for you? If only they could see how good I am for you and you are for me.

Erin

That’s just the point. They only see you as a man on the internet, suspect, even dangerous, like the man who scared me once before. They don’t understand our relationship or our feelings for each other. Too bad, they will just have to accept that it’s my life and my choice.

Sam

I obviously touched a nerve asking how things were between you and your friends. I’m not too sure from your reply exactly what it is that you have told them and what you need them to accept as your choice of how to live. That you’ve been scared by something from your past has long been obvious to me. I won’t dwell on this unless you want to talk about it, but I do want you to feel free to talk to me about anything at all. You know I’ll always listen and believe in you. It goes without saying I wish we were together. That you’d let me help you smile, and laugh, and even cry, to just be yourself and know that all I’ll ever want from you is to be the woman I know you are.

Erin

No, let’s not dwell on it. It’s one friend in particular who thinks she knows everything. Let’s focus on us and being happy and my friends will see that I am happy and that’s what should matter to them, right? I love that you are a part of my life – you are the right man for me. I am ready, Sam, let’s make next weekend the beginning of everything for us.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #18

Tuesday

Sam

Friends… I have one who knows about you. I didn’t tell her, she worked it out. Something to do with me talking in my sleep, and no, not with her – it’s just the nature of the things we do that we need to share accommodation. As it happens I saw her last week, the first time we’d met up since we were in Greenland. I’ve mentioned her before – she took my profile photo. We’ve been to some inhospitable places, all in the name of science! Bottom line, she was shocked that we had not met up and told me exactly what she thought was going on. Not at all complimentary – to either you or me. Made me think, do you get reactions like this from your friends when you talk of us?

Erin

My friends are excited for me and know you must be a very special man, because I keep telling them! My closest friend looks out for me, but as yet she hasn’t said too much. She is the only one who knows about the bad experience I had which as you well know has made me very cautious. I remember you telling me about your colleague – I hadn’t realised you were that close. She sounds as if she might be jealous of me. I admit I feel a bit that way with her. Anyway, exactly what does she think is going on here then?

Sam

She thought you had ‘daddy issues’ and you were just using me as an emotional sop. She said she was amazed that I was dumb enough to fall for it and mad to think you would ever meet me. And for good measure, I was effectively using you to make me feel good – actually it was worse than that!  I tried to explain, but she’s a bit headstrong, and up and left, and we haven’t spoken since. The sooner we are out in the open, and face whatever we might have to, the better, don’t you think?

Erin

Oh my God, I’m absolutely furious. Who the hell does she think she is? She clearly feels bad about herself for her to be making those assumptions. Are you going to be able to handle her?  I’m worried she’ll try to mess things up for us.

Sam

I must admit I didn’t expect that reaction from her. Maybe it’s just as well I’ve not told anyone else about us. I guess it would be a stretch for anyone to get their heads around our relationship. It’s taken us quite a while, hasn’t it? Anyway, I’m sure she will be fine, I caught her cold so to speak. I’ll be working with her again this week – I doubt anything more will be said.

Erin

It just makes me so mad that a friend could be so hurtful and say what she said to you. You are an amazing person and you shouldn’t need anyone to make you feel good.  You are a beautiful man, inside and out. I’m so sorry that I have made things awkward for you. Please assure her, I’m not playing games with you or your feelings and never will. I am genuine, Sam. I’ve fallen for you.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #17

Early July

 

Sunday

Sam

Deep within you there is a place of peace, breathe slow and easy and you will find it. It’s where your heart and mind can meet to show your truest feelings. Relax and close your eyes, let your worries fade to leave you as one with your passions and desires. If I am there with you, in any shape or form, there is a chance for us. If I am nowhere to be seen or felt within you then sadly the day has come for you to let me go. I have done this often and you are always in me. I see you all the time, but I ask you to honestly tell me if I am in you too.

Erin

I tell you honestly, Sam, you are in my heart and I never want to lose you. It is you I wake up thinking about, you who I eat lunch with and think about, and you who I go to bed dreaming about.

Sam

We have so much to talk about. Time and circumstance are not our friends, but for both our sakes I want us to work. I so want to hold your hand, strange man that I am.

Erin

No, you are not strange at all. Holding hands and giving each other a little squeeze is what I need more than anything right now. I just worry about being in your world and yes, you being in mine too – us being over before we’ve begun. We will both have to be so careful and take care to make us work. We will get our time, I am sure of that.

 

Monday

Sam

How is your friend? I hope she is well and on the mend. I broke four of my ribs a few years ago. It took a while for me to recover, but then I’m a restless kind of man. I sense that your injuries have healed, but please tell me you are okay.

Erin

My chest took most of the impact. I went a bit purple for a while, but don’t worry, I’m still in good shape! My friend is much better now, thank you and back in her own place. I think I’ve been driving her mad talking about you. I hope you don’t mind, I’ve been telling my friends about us. I can’t wait for them to meet you and for you to be a part of my life. Some of them have been a bit cheeky asking if you would be up for a three-some! Don’t even think about it, Sam, I’ve told them you are all mine. You are, aren’t you?

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #16

Saturday

Sam:

And you are telling me what exactly?

Erin

I’ve been looking after a friend, a girlfriend, who was once my lover. The night of the Saturday you came home from Greenland we were forced off the road – the car rolled for what seemed forever. I had just a few cuts and bruises, my friend was not so lucky, concussed and broken ribs. I’ve had to deal with her being in hospital and the police, and to help her recover she moved in with me. I couldn’t leave her on her own and I couldn’t tell you – I wasn’t sure you’d understand.

Sam

I’m numb. I have no words I trust myself to use.

Erin

I don’t know what to say now. I’ve been so nervous waiting to hear from you. I’m frightened that you are going to walk away. I need you to stick with me. We can keep going, can’t we?

Sam

The thing is you don’t need me to keep going. When all is said and done, I have a flaw – I’m a man. You don’t need me as a lover, you have one and she’s a woman.

Erin

Please, Sam, be the man I’ve always hoped you are. Yes, it’s taken a long time for me to realise, but I definitely want you and in every way possible. I’ve done nothing wrong, just held back that I’m a little different. I like men and women, some men like that.

Sam

Done nothing wrong?  I’m sorry, but how can you say that? You’ve said so much of me being a part of your life, yet you kept me at arm’s length while going through this. What of your female lover? Are you sure you want a man? Are you really going to go straight for me because I don’t want to share you.

Erin

I can’t become straight – it doesn’t work like that. I’m bisexual, it’s in my DNA. Come on, Sam, you’re the scientist, you should know that. When I’m with someone, male or female, I’m committed to them, and I choose to be with that one person exclusively. If we decided to do that then I would be with you.

Sam

This is so crazy, so absolutely mad – I need to know what you expect of me.

Erin

I know how you feel, and you know how I feel. The only thing that remains to be seen is if I’m worth the trouble you obviously think I’ll be for you. No matter how right I believe we are for each other, my life is more complicated than most. I can’t change that. If you felt the way you say you do about me you would understand and accept me, no matter what the circumstances.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #15

Friday

Sam

I do not want to lose you. There have been too many words, too many feelings, too many tears, for us to fail now. I do not want to hurt you, and I do not want any more misunderstandings. I know I want you, but how? You hold all the cards, yet they’re now so shuffled out of suits I think you do not know how to deal them. There are only two that matter: a knave and his queen, his reason to gamble that one day she will share her world with him, her king. I’ll say no more for now, and trust to fate, and the hand she gives.

Erin

That was so well said, please hold on to your belief in me – I’ve come too far to ruin everything. Sam, I pray so much that all this is real. I’m scared, but I need to tell you something that you need to know.

Sam

Don’t be scared, Erin, there’s not a thing you could say or show me that would ever make me feel other than I do. You are and always will be the woman I desire.  I just know we’ll get on fine, share endless laughs and pleasures – that we’ll both have sensually mischievous minds. You never cease to touch me when you show my words touch you. Please tell me whatever you feel I need to know, and while I wait I’ll ask you, in the time honoured old-fashioned way, to step out of the shadows and walk a while with me.

Erin

Your words have wrecked me. I can’t stop crying. No one in my life has ever touched me as you have. Sam, the only thing I want to say is yes, but first I have to lay myself open to you.

Sam

Erin, it’s now got very late, but I’ll not end this day until I give you a chance to say what you feel you need to.  I guess there is a man involved in some way?

Erin

You’ve got it wrong, Sam, it’s not a man, it’s a woman.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #14

Wednesday

Sam

I fear this could be too little too late? My heart is screaming at my mind, what have you done, she is the one. My head is throbbing fit to burst, but slowly a warm flow is reaching that awful cold place my man logic erupted from. I cannot promise it will not happen again, but my heart now has me firmly in its grasp. It does not want to risk losing you again.

Erin

You have had me in agony waiting for your reply. I want you and only you. Your heart is right, ignore your doubts. You can’t truly love if you have doubt in your heart. There is no doubt in mine.

Sam

I felt so tense opening your reply and so completely overwhelmed by what you said – I keep re-reading to be sure of the implication of your words. I’ve been so selfish – I do not think I had ever taken in just how deep your feelings for me are. I always hoped but never thought you could feel the same way about me as I do for you. I need you, Erin, I always will.

Erin

Your message has brought tears to my eyes. I’m being silly now, aren’t I? I just feel so strongly for you.

Sam

You are not being silly -our hearts know better than our minds what we are to each other and become so frustrated with us that they are letting our bodies know through tears and aches in need to be relieved places. My body is tingling as I type, my senses so heightened at the thought of your touch, the whole of me so wanting the whole of you.

Erin

You are such a romantic – I absolutely love it and everything you have said. I pray once I am in your arms and we are looking into each other’s eyes, everything will be perfect for us.

 

Thursday

Sam

There is not a day you are not in my thoughts – you are a part of me. You are the one who opened up my heart and showed me how to feel. I realise I’ve made mistakes, that I suffocated you with emotion, that I did not give you room to breathe. I hardly let myself breathe. I know very little but sense and feel so much. You are real and out there somewhere, I am out there too and always will be for you.

Erin

You are just unbelievably good at this, aren’t you? I so don’t understand why you have not been snapped up and appreciated in the way I intend to. Let’s just take things slowly, Sam, and you’ll not regret it, I promise.

Sam

I can only wonder what is so wrong, so sensitive in your life that you need to be so cautious. It’s what you mean by slowly, I know. Still, I have your promise and sense it’s not given lightly.

Erin

I know the onus is on me to change this, and I will as soon as humanly possible. Until then I ask you to please trust your senses, and your well-placed judgement and feelings for me.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #13

Friday

Sam

We both appear to be struggling. I try to be a decent man for you but admit I find my self-respect waning being on a site like this.  My mind says you are unable to give, yet my heart says otherwise.

Erin

Okay, cards on the table. I want to be with you. I mean everything I say to you, but I also feel pressured by you at the moment into moving on so hurriedly! It’s not really your fault I’m feeling pressured, it’s in me to react to pressure so I apologise for that.  But please understand, I’m not having a go at you, I’m just asking you to let me sort myself out, in my time. I will be with you, I promise you that.

Sam

Sometimes I wonder if you actually believe some of the seemingly credible excuses you come up with. Why don’t you simply have the decency to say that you enjoy the fantasy of messaging and that though you may believe it at the time, when it comes to the reality of commitment in any form, you are incapable of showing it. I feel such a fool to have let you mislead me.

Erin

I am not at all sure how I respond to that message! Nobody is saying you are a fool, but you are not truly giving me the time and space I need. I keep telling you I hate being pushed, but you keep on doing it. Please don’t be like this. I hate that you think I don’t trust you because I do. I promise you, it will all be worth the wait, and one day we will laugh about this.

 

Saturday

Sam

My heart is leaking you, my every nerve on edge as I tell you that I’m not able to go on like this. This site for you is a sanctuary – for me it is a prison. I’ve said and done all I can to bring us together but failed. Erin, there is nothing else I can do. To stay on here would be torture. You probably cannot see it, but you are pushing me away, pushing me beyond the limits of what I can take.

Erin

Come on, please don’t be like that. I didn’t realise you feel I’m pushing you away. This is just madness. We have a good thing here and I don’t want it to end.  I really care for you, and will make it happen soon. That is if you still want me?

 

Sunday

Sam

I’m not going to message for a while. Maybe if you re-read your messages you’ll see what I see, someone who cannot bring herself to give anything for us. Your reasons, no doubt good ones, but I wouldn’t know.

Erin

Okay, well go then! Honestly, I’m totally gutted that you can just leave me like this!