Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #14

Wednesday

Sam

I fear this could be too little too late? My heart is screaming at my mind, what have you done, she is the one. My head is throbbing fit to burst, but slowly a warm flow is reaching that awful cold place my man logic erupted from. I cannot promise it will not happen again, but my heart now has me firmly in its grasp. It does not want to risk losing you again.

Erin

You have had me in agony waiting for your reply. I want you and only you. Your heart is right, ignore your doubts. You can’t truly love if you have doubt in your heart. There is no doubt in mine.

Sam

I felt so tense opening your reply and so completely overwhelmed by what you said – I keep re-reading to be sure of the implication of your words. I’ve been so selfish – I do not think I had ever taken in just how deep your feelings for me are. I always hoped but never thought you could feel the same way about me as I do for you. I need you, Erin, I always will.

Erin

Your message has brought tears to my eyes. I’m being silly now, aren’t I? I just feel so strongly for you.

Sam

You are not being silly -our hearts know better than our minds what we are to each other and become so frustrated with us that they are letting our bodies know through tears and aches in need to be relieved places. My body is tingling as I type, my senses so heightened at the thought of your touch, the whole of me so wanting the whole of you.

Erin

You are such a romantic – I absolutely love it and everything you have said. I pray once I am in your arms and we are looking into each other’s eyes, everything will be perfect for us.

 

Thursday

Sam

There is not a day you are not in my thoughts – you are a part of me. You are the one who opened up my heart and showed me how to feel. I realise I’ve made mistakes, that I suffocated you with emotion, that I did not give you room to breathe. I hardly let myself breathe. I know very little but sense and feel so much. You are real and out there somewhere, I am out there too and always will be for you.

Erin

You are just unbelievably good at this, aren’t you? I so don’t understand why you have not been snapped up and appreciated in the way I intend to. Let’s just take things slowly, Sam, and you’ll not regret it, I promise.

Sam

I can only wonder what is so wrong, so sensitive in your life that you need to be so cautious. It’s what you mean by slowly, I know. Still, I have your promise and sense it’s not given lightly.

Erin

I know the onus is on me to change this, and I will as soon as humanly possible. Until then I ask you to please trust your senses, and your well-placed judgement and feelings for me.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #13

Friday

Sam

We both appear to be struggling. I try to be a decent man for you but admit I find my self-respect waning being on a site like this.  My mind says you are unable to give, yet my heart says otherwise.

Erin

Okay, cards on the table. I want to be with you. I mean everything I say to you, but I also feel pressured by you at the moment into moving on so hurriedly! It’s not really your fault I’m feeling pressured, it’s in me to react to pressure so I apologise for that.  But please understand, I’m not having a go at you, I’m just asking you to let me sort myself out, in my time. I will be with you, I promise you that.

Sam

Sometimes I wonder if you actually believe some of the seemingly credible excuses you come up with. Why don’t you simply have the decency to say that you enjoy the fantasy of messaging and that though you may believe it at the time, when it comes to the reality of commitment in any form, you are incapable of showing it. I feel such a fool to have let you mislead me.

Erin

I am not at all sure how I respond to that message! Nobody is saying you are a fool, but you are not truly giving me the time and space I need. I keep telling you I hate being pushed, but you keep on doing it. Please don’t be like this. I hate that you think I don’t trust you because I do. I promise you, it will all be worth the wait, and one day we will laugh about this.

 

Saturday

Sam

My heart is leaking you, my every nerve on edge as I tell you that I’m not able to go on like this. This site for you is a sanctuary – for me it is a prison. I’ve said and done all I can to bring us together but failed. Erin, there is nothing else I can do. To stay on here would be torture. You probably cannot see it, but you are pushing me away, pushing me beyond the limits of what I can take.

Erin

Come on, please don’t be like that. I didn’t realise you feel I’m pushing you away. This is just madness. We have a good thing here and I don’t want it to end.  I really care for you, and will make it happen soon. That is if you still want me?

 

Sunday

Sam

I’m not going to message for a while. Maybe if you re-read your messages you’ll see what I see, someone who cannot bring herself to give anything for us. Your reasons, no doubt good ones, but I wouldn’t know.

Erin

Okay, well go then! Honestly, I’m totally gutted that you can just leave me like this!

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #12

Wednesday

Sam

Good to hear I’m home? You’re completely confusing me! I’m trying to help you, but you don’t seem to need it? I thought we had something, yet you can’t wait even a day for me. You’ve got me thinking!

Erin

Can you just slow down a bit? I’m feeling really overwhelmed with all that’s going on and I need to be with someone I know, that’s all. Look, Sam, you are getting too heavy too fast, and I can’t cope right now, okay.

Sam

I really feel for you, you know that. Whatever’s going on in your life right now, little if anything, seems good. I can’t say I understand because you’ve still not told me anything. We have something good, don’t we?

Erin

I really don’t know what we have if I’m being honest. I think I have feelings for you, but I can’t deal with them right now. I’m feeling pressured and I hate that. You’re truly a great guy, but I just feel, and I’m so sorry to say this, that you are suffocating me. I just want things to slow way down. Please give me space to sort myself out. Sorry.

 

Thursday

Sam

Where did that come from?  It was only a couple of days ago that you said you don’t want to be given space and now I’m suffocating you? Not for the first time, you’re not making much sense to me. We both know that we need to move forward and for me it needs to be this week.

Erin

Okay, well, I am reading that and thinking you’re not really as into this as I am. Yes, I know that we have to move to the next step and that’s what we’re trying to do, aren’t we? If only it could be a bit easier, that’s all!

Sam

I sense real desperation in you which makes me so annoyed with myself that I have clearly failed to earn your trust.  Such a shame as talking to me would be easier than you seem to think. Believe it or not I’m the kind of man who listens, the kind of man you’ll have never spoken to before.

Erin

I do find it hard to open up about problems, but that’s because I’ve had it thrown back in my face before. I’m sure you are trustworthy, but maybe it is my own courage that’s the problem?

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #11

Sunday

Sam

How are you this morning, Erin? You must have been awake most of the night. You only need to ask and I will come to you. Maybe today you’d like to talk?

Erin

Hello, Sam, you are right it was a long and lonely night. I could have done with some strong arms around me and a warm body to cuddle. You’re lovely and I know you’re only trying to help, but it’s just so hard talking about personal things when you feel you should be coping and you really aren’t.

Sam

I can see it’s enough for you that I am here and I’ll not push. I’m sending out every vibe I can to try and touch you.

Erin

Oh, Sam, I wish you knew just how wonderful you are and how much you lift my spirits. You truly are my rock. Somehow you understand me like no one else does.

 

Monday

Sam

Another day, and I’m not sure what to say other than how are you? I guess it would seem strange if I just turned up to be with you. Now is obviously not the time to try and explain our relationship to anyone. I can’t help but be very worried about you and all you are going through. Perhaps it would be for the best for me to give you more space to cope with things in your own way?

Erin

Yes, some people would probably think that we have a strange relationship, but I don’t care about that. I don’t really want to be given space if that means I won’t hear from you as I’d hate that. Try not to be worried about me as I don’t want to be a burden on you.

Sam

You could never be a burden to me, please don’t ever think that. Crap timing as ever, I’ve been asked to be in Brussels on Tuesday to report back on what I got up to in Greenland. I’ve been booked on a flight this afternoon, but I will be back tomorrow night, I promise.

Erin

I really do believe that you are the one in a million man that every woman believes is out there for her but never thinks she will come across. Well, I have been lucky enough to find you. I know that you care and want to help me, but you must go and do your thing. I’ll be okay and as you said I do need to deal with things in my own way. I’ll tell you all about it when you get back.

 

Tuesday

Sam

Hi, Erin, I’m at Heathrow, just waiting for a taxi. Should be home in about an hour. Do you want to meet up? I don’t mind where. It’ll be easier to talk face-to-face, don’t you think? Hope to see you later.

Erin

Sam, lol, your timing – I’m waiting for a friend to call me back. I’ll probably stay with her tonight. I just need someone to hold me, and to get a little drunk with. I’m not coping too well on my own. Good to hear you are home though.

His & Hers: Raw Lines #12 – subtle breeze…

His:

On days like this, sun kissed, a subtle breeze, leaves appearing in awakening trees, inner feelings can break free. Imagine a day like this, the day we meet, how it could be, for you and me. You walk towards me, and I to you, you give a wave and I do too. We now so close our smiles break through, both blush a little as our eyes meet too. Our fingers brush, your hand finds its way to mine. We stroll along, birds sing, nature in all its glory bows to you, your beauty, I bow too.

Hers:

Subtle breeze and leaves – you are such a romantic. Those words of yours paint a thousand images in my mind you know! Blushing a little got me smiling and our eyes meeting. What would we be wearing? I’d like to imagine the whole picture if you don’t think it an odd question?

His:

A quote from Hans Christian Andersen –  ‘just living is not enough, one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower’ – just seems to catch the mood, the way I feel, about my life and you. We share the sunshine, my freedom my choice to be with you, the perfect flower, who gives meaning to my life. What we’ll wear, always a smile, whatever else depends on how we are, we feel, how much we want to give. I see you in my mind, always stunning in a dress, light and floaty in the daytime you hair down, barefoot, we always seem to be in the open, walking, laying on the grass. In the evening, a dress too, figure hugging, we’re dancing, close, all eyes on you.

Hers:

Oh my goodness, that quote and the way you described it relating to you and me actually brought a tear to my eye. I do hope I’m not a disappointment to you when we meet. You put me on such a high pedestal that I’m afraid I’ll not stand up to your expectations of me.

His:

I’ll stand up for you, as you come into sight, when you enter a room, when you need a hug, by day by night. A romantic, yes, yet a realist too.  I know of you only from your words, and those that fall between the lines. We all have flaws, my eyes are open and I adore you for who you are.

Hers:

You really are an amazing man aren’t you? I can’t believe how lucky I am. Being on here I just thought would be a bit of fun. I never ever expected to find someone like you and to feel like this. I love everything about you and I feel that can only grow more as time goes on.

His & Hers – raw lines extracted at random from ‘Believing Sight Unseen’  a file of what was a quarter of a million words – culled to about a hundred and fifty thousand – now turning into stories…

His & Hers: Raw Lines #11 – not trying to tie you down…

His:

You have a good evening, forget about me, enjoy yourself with friends, look absolutely gorgeous, stun everyone who sees you. I’ll wish I could be with you, but it’s not me you want to be with. So go do what makes you happy and turns you on. You only have one life so live it, as you always do. Take care, have fun.

Hers:

Why does that sound like you are saying goodbye to me? Have I done something wrong because that message has left me thinking, so please do let me know.

His:

I felt I’ve been boring you, getting too heavy, burdening you with things I shouldn’t so thought I’d be a lot more positive and lighten up. I just gave myself a slap and a bit of a kick up the arse to accept you’re an incredible young woman and I’m damn lucky to have you in my life at all. I feel alive and not just living because of you. I want to share whatever we can of our lives together, I want us to be real. But saying that I want you to know I’m not trying to tie you down or inhibit you or the way you want to live. I just want you the way you are.

Hers:

I know you’re not trying to tie me down, just don’t scare me like that again! I really thought you were saying you didn’t want me anymore. I felt like crying. I’m so glad it’s not the case.

His & Hers – raw lines extracted at random from ‘Believing Sight Unseen’  a file of what was a quarter of a million words – culled to about a hundred and fifty thousand – now turning into stories…

 

His & Hers: Raw Lines #10 – first thing on a Sunday morning…

His:

I’m feeling let down to be honest. I thought you understood we need to talk. I’m tired of sitting on my arse waiting for you to start this. But hey, don’t rush to reply, do whatever you have planned for today, I really wouldn’t want to spoil anything you enjoy.

Hers:

I do talk to you! I’ve never been so open with anyone. You are spoiling what I enjoy, you, the way you where, what’s got into you?

His:

Come on, it’s obvious you avoid talking about anything to do with us. Do you really think I’m that dumb? You like stringing me along, you’re an expert at it, you’ve been doing it since day one, the very first day we started this. As you said I’m pathetic, I agree, I must be for taking this from you for so long. So let’s keep it simple, you do something for once.

Hers:

And when did I say that you’re pathetic? Why would I speak to you like that? You’re not dumb and there is no need for you to say that. Forcing me to do something isn’t going to make me do so much quicker, don’t you get that? You seem to be so moody lately. You need to calm down.

His:

Well that seems to say it all, you don’t even know what you said two days ago. This is all part of the same thing, the same old problem, you not being able to move on. I’m not forcing you to do anything anyone who really cares would do. I’m calm, why would you think I’m not, all I’m doing is telling you what I see. And please spare me your innocence, just do something for us. I’m tired of being the only one trying to make us work.

Hers:

It’s first thing on a Sunday morning and yet again it’s all me, me, me with you, I’m fed up of your do this, do that moods and messages. This is the last thing I need, stop being so damn pushy, I’ve had enough, okay!

His & Hers: Raw Lines #9 – Maybe all we need are yours?

His:

You know something, you and I are much closer than you believe, we’re not so different it seems to me. You come over as liking your own company, so do I, you like space and freedom to be yourself, as do I, you have commitments and responsibilities that you take seriously, I too very much so, you feel most alive, close to nature, exposed to the sky, the stars, smiling as your imagination soars, as you say to feel warm rain upon your skin, and now and then, like me, so need to feel the tingle of hands upon your body, soft lips exploring you, to feel the beating heart of someone close, their breath their sighs, to sensually let go.

Hers:

It’s crazy how you know me so well – I mean it’s like you are the other half of me. I’ve never had anyone in my life understand me so much, I’m a little spooked now.

His:

It’s not really crazy. There’ve been times when you’ve said what I already know, that we are soul-mates, as if we’re each other’s safe harbour in the ever changing sea of life. As you used to often say, we are connected, I’ve always believed this too, I your anchor, you my soaring angel, free to fly, to be you, not tied down, yet always knowing I’ll not let you go, that I’ll always be there for you. You are the other half of me too. Just felt I had to tell you this, there is nothing spooky, I just take in everything you’ve ever written me, I’ve let you in and feel you inside of me, I’ve grown to know you, it’s quite wonderful.

Hers:

Yes, I do think we’re connected, there’s no question about that at all. When you describe it like that it doesn’t sound spooky, just me not using the right words, maybe all we need are yours.

His & Hers: Raw Lines #8 – Not hearing…

His:

You’re not hearing what I say, you don’t understand I’m way ahead of you, my feelings are the deepest, I’m uncomfortable being without you, uncomfortable with us just being here. There’s more to us than just what you want, what I want matters too. There has to be a way ahead for us. What are we actually waiting for?

Hers:

Please don’t make demands of me. You know my feelings about that. I’m hearing you loud and clear. Maybe you need to keep a firmer grip on your feelings.

His:

I’m not holding back my feelings, how can I they are real. If you can keep a grip on yours then perhaps they’re not so real. I’ve said all I have to say, it’s up to you now.

Hers:

Please can you try and understand what I’m asking for right now is a little reassurance. Don’t attack me when what I need most is for you to show me that you care.

His & Hers – raw lines extracted at random from ‘Believing Sight Unseen’  a file of a man and woman’s words.