Their Days – Believing Sight Unseen – May #3

Sam and Erin – their story – their days – believing sight unseen – revised, tightened, – post #3:

 

Thursday

Hello, Erin. I guess I’ve been holding back a bit. I didn’t want to seem too pushy. Yes, I’d like to get to know you, who you are, what you do, what makes you tick, if that’s okay with you? As for me, Sam is my given name. I’ll turn fifty this year, and I’m single, but I haven’t always been. I feel like a thirty-year-old in my head – as for the rest of me, I do what I need to, to keep in shape. I’m a scientist, and work where I’m needed, usually abroad. I’ll be in Brussels next week for a few days, but I should be back by the weekend.

 

Of course you can get to know me, Sam – I like that you want to, so yes its okay. I’m glad you thought to ask me, you now intrigue me even more. You look much younger and I can see you’re in good shape. Your job sounds important – I’m not as clever as you obviously are – I do admin for a charity and the most I get to travel is in to London every day. I’m free and single and will be out with the girls next weekend to celebrate my birthday.

*

Erin, if I was clever I wouldn’t do some of the things I do. With me it’s more my instincts and experience that count. I’m a hands on kind of man, and need to be where things happen. I think you’re being kind but thank you all the same. A colleague took that photo a few months ago. She says it’s the real me, whatever that means? You know, I sense it’s you who is the clever one. I’ve worked with charities in the field and totally relied on the expertise of their admin folk to get someone as disorganised as me where I need to be… and back! So, ‘birthday girl’ next weekend, mid-twenties I’m thinking?

 

Sam, you’re over-estimating me. No one ever calls me clever. I think it’s the way I like to dress – most people look at me as if I’m just a dumb blond and an easy lay. Maybe they’re right – I’m on here, aren’t I? And for sure, the thought of you being hands on is playing on my mind. The thing is, I’d like to be seen as normal too if that makes sense. You make me feel good about myself and I can’t remember the last time a man did that. I’ll be twenty-nine next Friday – about as young as you feel.

*

Erin, there is no way you’re dumb. The way you write shows me that. Yes, we’ve met on a site like this. So what? You have your needs and I have mine but they don’t define us. I’ll not presume to say what yours might be, or mine, or that we’ll ever share them…but yes, the things that play on your mind play on my mind too.

Sam, the things you say to me, it’s almost as if you know me. For the first time I feel at ease with a man online. I feel I can talk to you and you’ll not judge me. I like your understated manner. You’re a bit mysterious, aren’t you? I probably shouldn’t ask but, if you can, I’d like to know more about what you do… and hmm, what’s playing on your mind then?

Friday

Surely I’m not the first man to want to get to know you? Has there not been a man you felt you really wanted, who you opened up to, who made a difference to you? I’m nothing special, just an ordinary man. There isn’t anything too mysterious about me – I just can’t say too much about what I do on here. I liked your mischievous ‘hmm’, and you know full well what’s playing on my mind. I wonder how you imagine a scientist to be. Did you know our senses are highly tuned? We have a touch, a feel for things so sensitive that with experience we can almost feel the earth move. Some go far and wide to perfect this skill. Maybe one day all I’ll need is to be with you?

 

You’re winding me up now, aren’t you? I’ve actually met the odd scientist through my work, odd being the operative word in my experience. I could have stood stark naked in front of one in particular and I’m sure he wouldn’t have noticed. I’m into being experimental and not had any complaints about my touch. And yes, Sam, you are the first man I’ve spoken to seriously on here. I’m so glad I found you, darling man.

Their Days – Believing Sight Unseen – May #2

 Their Days – Believing Sight Unseen revised, reformatted, pared back – returned to narrative/message format – I’m in two minds, theirs and mine with this…

 

Monday

 Hello, Erin, l can’t believe you got in touch. I’ve not done anything like this before so I’ll be me and write the way I feel. Is that alright with you?

 

 I like the way you write – it’s refreshing to chat to a guy who seems interested in me. Most men on here are only interested in one thing!

 *

 There must be plenty of men who’ve been awed by your looks, your sensuality, your charms. I can’t imagine you ever having to try too hard, or being alone. That you’re here, I can’t think why. You’ll have your reasons, and I’ll not pry.

 

I find that a lot of guys who would like to be with me are far too immature. I’ve always been attracted to the more intelligent male and I like older guys too as I feel I’m treated much better by them, though there are always exceptions to the rules. What about you?

 *

 For me intelligence and looks only go so far, it’s who and how you are that really matters. You have something, you intrigue me, and if you don’t mind me saying, it sounds as if you’ve been let down a time or two? Men say they cannot help but be what they are, though some do try to be as women want, but I’ll not deny it isn’t easy! Sorry, I’m probably talking too much?

 

 No, not at all. I don’t think you talk too much. I like reading what you have to say. It’s all so real and insightful, I feel as if I’m connecting with you and I’m enjoying it.

 Tuesday

 I wonder how many lives your smile will light up today, how many pulses you will raise.  How many will stumble for words on speaking to you, asking how you are, how your evening was, wishing they had been with you. I’m smiling now, thinking all these things too.

 

 You have made me smile that’s for sure – I wish I could be that infectious!

 *

 You’ll think this a strange for me to say, but I feel your presence. Where my thoughts go you go too – us walking bare foot in the grass, our feet anointed by the sea as we stroll along a beach, hands held beneath a sky of blue… I know, I know, too much, too soon… to think of you like this.

 

 You know how to give me butterflies, don’t you? I enjoy your thoughts – I have the same sorts of things running through my mind too, though I don’t have the words to capture them as you do.

 *

 For us to have begun to share our thoughts and feelings means a lot to me. I can’t explain why we feel like this, can you? I’m just glad we do. Perhaps it is fate, its touch, a chance for us to… well, let’s see?

 

 I have a good feeling about us too but, lovely as this is, let’s not go and get all carried away too soon. Can we just enjoy this moment and take things a little more slowly please?

 Wednesday

 Erin, you’re something more than beautiful to me. You permeate my mind, you occupy my dreams. There’s no speed control, no neutral – it’s the way it is.  I sense I could tell you everything of me and you tell me next to nothing in return, yet you’d draw me in, day-by-day, ever closer to you. Please tell me, how did I get to feel like this? I don’t know a thing about you.

 

 Sam, I’ve never known a man who could express his feelings as you do – this is a first for me. I certainly got more than I bargained for when I messaged you! Oh, and by the way, I don’t see how you can sense I’ll not tell you anything about me – you haven’t asked me anything.  What’s a girl to do?

 *

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #23

Friday

Sam

I didn’t sleep well last night. I had this niggling thought that you are going to back out of meeting up this weekend. Thankfully daylight has cleared my head. So, Erin, I’ll ask again, where and when works best for you?

Erin

This has all happened so fast though. Don’t you think we should slow down and really talk about us and our feelings? I really don’t want this to end, but I’m also scared it will all fizzle out if we rush things.

Sam

I’d be really disappointed if you still have any concerns about me, especially now. To be honest I find it hard to reconcile what we feel for each other with being on here. We don’t need this site, surely?

Erin

We will have to sort something out that is for sure, something that is good for both of us. I agree that messaging, good as it is, is not enough.

Sam

Oh, please don’t get too enthusiastic, I might actually think you are keen to meet!  Amazing, after all you’ve said to me. I thought we were there, but it seems just nearly.

Erin

Sam, please, it doesn’t help you being sarcastic with me. It’s really not something I appreciate, okay!

Sam

Is that really the best you have to offer?

Erin:

I’m sorry, Sam, I don’t mean to be difficult. I love what we have here. I guess I can be immature at times. You know so much more about life than me, you see things how they are, but I still have things to learn. I hope you won’t give up on us and that you’ll guide me to you.

Sam

I won’t give up on us, but you do need to accept that we need to get off this site and keep in touch directly. I realise it took a lot for you to admit you may have things to learn, we both have, not least to have complete faith in each other.

Erin

Well, yes, I can see that, but I’m not willing to come off of this site until we have met up in person.

Sam 

Erin, our future is in your hands. It’s up to you now to do the right thing for us. We are not strangers, yet you treat me like one. It’s time we moved on, one way or another.

Erin

I am not treating you like a stranger, you know I’m not. That is quite a hurtful remark for you to make, Sam. Just be patient with me, please.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #22

Wednesday

Sam

Somehow we’ll see this through, be off of here, and be together, me and you. It’s what I think of most, the times we have to come. I see you in my mind, try to imagine how you’ll look – your hair, your clothes, what you wear beneath, what it would be like to feel the softness of your skin. I so need to see your smile, to hold your hand I’ll not willingly let go. I think of the things we’ll say, the laughter, the fun, how at ease we’ll be, as us.

Erin

You say such wonderful things to me, Sam. Where do you get all of these lovely words from? You must have such an amazing imagination – I dare not write the things I’m imagining!

 

Thursday

Sam

I have an idea or two about what we could do this weekend, to explore each other a little, to see where we’d like to go next. I’ve no idea where you live other than it must be quite close to London, as I am too. I’m quite flexible. What day and locality would be best for you?

Erin

Are you going to share these ideas with me? I would love to know what sort of places you enjoy going to. Do you think we can do something casual that doesn’t involve booking anything as that would seem a little too formal for me.

Sam

Erin, of course, informal is fine for me. I enjoy all sorts of places. It’s who you’re with and how you feel that matters. We will have a great time, just let me know where and when.

Erin

Sam, you’re so right, it’s the company that you are in that makes a good night out. Sometimes if it’s not a nice place but you’re with a person you really want to be with, it makes everything okay.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #21

Sunday

Sam

Erin, I’ll hold you to that, and every inch of me. It will be so wonderful to see you. I can’t stop smiling at the thought of being with you soon. My heart is thumping as I write – we are so close, just a week away from being all we dreamed. This is our time now – we each deserve to be happy, to be in each other’s arms.

Erin

Your message really has made me feel somewhere between laughing with sheer happiness and crying with emotion. Sam, I don’t know what you are doing to me, but I can’t get you out of my head. I fancy you something rotten, but at the same time you have become my friend – there’s no one who understands me the way you do. I know that being in your arms will feel where I belong. I can only hope you feel the same.

 

Monday

Sam

I feel as though I’m walking on air, in a world with only you. I ache beyond belief to see you. My only wish is to make you happy. We have a future, a good one – please let’s make sure we happen.

Erin

Do you really believe we can bring happiness into one another’s lives? I know that I am happy now,  but can it really last?

Sam

We can and will, Erin. Be strong, hold on, till next weekend, then I’ll be strong enough for both of us and you will see that, yes, all this has been worth it. Do not weaken, we have almost reached out far enough to touch each other – just imagine how wonderful that will be!

Erin

I’m trying, Sam. I really am.

 

Tuesday

 Sam

I so want to be with you, every day of waiting is now almost too much to bear. I’m absolutely committed to you – you are my girl, my perfect woman. I would like to start my life afresh with you, us as a couple, sharing everything in every way.

Erin

Heavens, that is such a powerful statement to make. It makes me feel a little nervous to be honest. I do want you as much as I have said I do, but I do worry that you are putting too much into us. Have you even thought of the possibility that when we meet I may not be what you have conjured up in your head and then you will feel let down? I’m sorry if I sound a bit negative, but I really do need you to keep your feet on the ground.

Sam

I understand what you are saying, Erin, I do see where you are coming from. I realise that for you our romance is something you hope for but until we meet is not a given. But you know, Erin, there is no way you could let me down. When we meet, nothing that I see or hear from you could ever change the way I feel. What lies ahead for us will be good, I’m certain. And you are right, we’ll take it step-by-step, date-by-date and enjoy the pleasure of being with each other.

Erin

I feel the same about taking things step-by-step. I really want to make sure that this is real and not just the first flush of a new relationship. I want this to work and not be a fool again.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #20

Friday

Sam

Erin, I hope you’re home safe. No matter how you feel about yourself right now, no matter what your friends have said that has hurt you so deeply, you are and always will be a very special woman to me. My heart is not broken and nor should yours be. My feelings for you are as they have always been, and always will be. You are an irreplaceable vital part of me. If you feel anger then use it to give you strength to set free the loving caring woman I know you to be – if not for me, then for yourself. And be sure of this, I’d be proud to stand by you, as my friend, my soul-mate and my lover – to be any one of these or all, would make me happy.

Erin

You are the most adoring and gentle man. You are everything I hoped, I imagined, the perfect man could be. Just give me a little time and I will make you feel so proud for me to be your woman.

 

Saturday

Sam

Hello, Erin, how’s your weekend going? I hope you and your friends are seeing eye to eye again, I really do. I would not want to be the cause of any animosity between them and you, a man on the internet, a man you’ve never seen. How could they grasp all we feel? How could they understand the way fate worked for me and you? How we met on here is a mystery, a miracle. I just know we are meant to be, but how could they? How could they know how long ago I fell for you? If only they could see how good I am for you and you are for me.

Erin

That’s just the point. They only see you as a man on the internet, suspect, even dangerous, like the man who scared me once before. They don’t understand our relationship or our feelings for each other. Too bad, they will just have to accept that it’s my life and my choice.

Sam

I obviously touched a nerve asking how things were between you and your friends. I’m not too sure from your reply exactly what it is that you have told them and what you need them to accept as your choice of how to live. That you’ve been scared by something from your past has long been obvious to me. I won’t dwell on this unless you want to talk about it, but I do want you to feel free to talk to me about anything at all. You know I’ll always listen and believe in you. It goes without saying I wish we were together. That you’d let me help you smile, and laugh, and even cry, to just be yourself and know that all I’ll ever want from you is to be the woman I know you are.

Erin

No, let’s not dwell on it. It’s one friend in particular who thinks she knows everything. Let’s focus on us and being happy and my friends will see that I am happy and that’s what should matter to them, right? I love that you are a part of my life – you are the right man for me. I am ready, Sam, let’s make next weekend the beginning of everything for us.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #18

Tuesday

Sam

Friends… I have one who knows about you. I didn’t tell her, she worked it out. Something to do with me talking in my sleep, and no, not with her – it’s just the nature of the things we do that we need to share accommodation. As it happens I saw her last week, the first time we’d met up since we were in Greenland. I’ve mentioned her before – she took my profile photo. We’ve been to some inhospitable places, all in the name of science! Bottom line, she was shocked that we had not met up and told me exactly what she thought was going on. Not at all complimentary – to either you or me. Made me think, do you get reactions like this from your friends when you talk of us?

Erin

My friends are excited for me and know you must be a very special man, because I keep telling them! My closest friend looks out for me, but as yet she hasn’t said too much. She is the only one who knows about the bad experience I had which as you well know has made me very cautious. I remember you telling me about your colleague – I hadn’t realised you were that close. She sounds as if she might be jealous of me. I admit I feel a bit that way with her. Anyway, exactly what does she think is going on here then?

Sam

She thought you had ‘daddy issues’ and you were just using me as an emotional sop. She said she was amazed that I was dumb enough to fall for it and mad to think you would ever meet me. And for good measure, I was effectively using you to make me feel good – actually it was worse than that!  I tried to explain, but she’s a bit headstrong, and up and left, and we haven’t spoken since. The sooner we are out in the open, and face whatever we might have to, the better, don’t you think?

Erin

Oh my God, I’m absolutely furious. Who the hell does she think she is? She clearly feels bad about herself for her to be making those assumptions. Are you going to be able to handle her?  I’m worried she’ll try to mess things up for us.

Sam

I must admit I didn’t expect that reaction from her. Maybe it’s just as well I’ve not told anyone else about us. I guess it would be a stretch for anyone to get their heads around our relationship. It’s taken us quite a while, hasn’t it? Anyway, I’m sure she will be fine, I caught her cold so to speak. I’ll be working with her again this week – I doubt anything more will be said.

Erin

It just makes me so mad that a friend could be so hurtful and say what she said to you. You are an amazing person and you shouldn’t need anyone to make you feel good.  You are a beautiful man, inside and out. I’m so sorry that I have made things awkward for you. Please assure her, I’m not playing games with you or your feelings and never will. I am genuine, Sam. I’ve fallen for you.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #17

Early July

 

Sunday

Sam

Deep within you there is a place of peace, breathe slow and easy and you will find it. It’s where your heart and mind can meet to show your truest feelings. Relax and close your eyes, let your worries fade to leave you as one with your passions and desires. If I am there with you, in any shape or form, there is a chance for us. If I am nowhere to be seen or felt within you then sadly the day has come for you to let me go. I have done this often and you are always in me. I see you all the time, but I ask you to honestly tell me if I am in you too.

Erin

I tell you honestly, Sam, you are in my heart and I never want to lose you. It is you I wake up thinking about, you who I eat lunch with and think about, and you who I go to bed dreaming about.

Sam

We have so much to talk about. Time and circumstance are not our friends, but for both our sakes I want us to work. I so want to hold your hand, strange man that I am.

Erin

No, you are not strange at all. Holding hands and giving each other a little squeeze is what I need more than anything right now. I just worry about being in your world and yes, you being in mine too – us being over before we’ve begun. We will both have to be so careful and take care to make us work. We will get our time, I am sure of that.

 

Monday

Sam

How is your friend? I hope she is well and on the mend. I broke four of my ribs a few years ago. It took a while for me to recover, but then I’m a restless kind of man. I sense that your injuries have healed, but please tell me you are okay.

Erin

My chest took most of the impact. I went a bit purple for a while, but don’t worry, I’m still in good shape! My friend is much better now, thank you and back in her own place. I think I’ve been driving her mad talking about you. I hope you don’t mind, I’ve been telling my friends about us. I can’t wait for them to meet you and for you to be a part of my life. Some of them have been a bit cheeky asking if you would be up for a three-some! Don’t even think about it, Sam, I’ve told them you are all mine. You are, aren’t you?