Their Days – Believing Sight Unseen – May #2

 Their Days – Believing Sight Unseen revised, reformatted, pared back – returned to narrative/message format – I’m in two minds, theirs and mine with this…

 

Monday

 Hello, Erin, l can’t believe you got in touch. I’ve not done anything like this before so I’ll be me and write the way I feel. Is that alright with you?

 

 I like the way you write – it’s refreshing to chat to a guy who seems interested in me. Most men on here are only interested in one thing!

 *

 There must be plenty of men who’ve been awed by your looks, your sensuality, your charms. I can’t imagine you ever having to try too hard, or being alone. That you’re here, I can’t think why. You’ll have your reasons, and I’ll not pry.

 

I find that a lot of guys who would like to be with me are far too immature. I’ve always been attracted to the more intelligent male and I like older guys too as I feel I’m treated much better by them, though there are always exceptions to the rules. What about you?

 *

 For me intelligence and looks only go so far, it’s who and how you are that really matters. You have something, you intrigue me, and if you don’t mind me saying, it sounds as if you’ve been let down a time or two? Men say they cannot help but be what they are, though some do try to be as women want, but I’ll not deny it isn’t easy! Sorry, I’m probably talking too much?

 

 No, not at all. I don’t think you talk too much. I like reading what you have to say. It’s all so real and insightful, I feel as if I’m connecting with you and I’m enjoying it.

 Tuesday

 I wonder how many lives your smile will light up today, how many pulses you will raise.  How many will stumble for words on speaking to you, asking how you are, how your evening was, wishing they had been with you. I’m smiling now, thinking all these things too.

 

 You have made me smile that’s for sure – I wish I could be that infectious!

 *

 You’ll think this a strange for me to say, but I feel your presence. Where my thoughts go you go too – us walking bare foot in the grass, our feet anointed by the sea as we stroll along a beach, hands held beneath a sky of blue… I know, I know, too much, too soon… to think of you like this.

 

 You know how to give me butterflies, don’t you? I enjoy your thoughts – I have the same sorts of things running through my mind too, though I don’t have the words to capture them as you do.

 *

 For us to have begun to share our thoughts and feelings means a lot to me. I can’t explain why we feel like this, can you? I’m just glad we do. Perhaps it is fate, its touch, a chance for us to… well, let’s see?

 

 I have a good feeling about us too but, lovely as this is, let’s not go and get all carried away too soon. Can we just enjoy this moment and take things a little more slowly please?

 Wednesday

 Erin, you’re something more than beautiful to me. You permeate my mind, you occupy my dreams. There’s no speed control, no neutral – it’s the way it is.  I sense I could tell you everything of me and you tell me next to nothing in return, yet you’d draw me in, day-by-day, ever closer to you. Please tell me, how did I get to feel like this? I don’t know a thing about you.

 

 Sam, I’ve never known a man who could express his feelings as you do – this is a first for me. I certainly got more than I bargained for when I messaged you! Oh, and by the way, I don’t see how you can sense I’ll not tell you anything about me – you haven’t asked me anything.  What’s a girl to do?

 *

PorterGirl – Second Editions. Still First Class.

Ladies and gentlemen – your attention please – the PorterGirl series second editions released – new jackets, author Lucy Brazier ever stylish…

Lucy Brazier

Ladies & gentlemen – introducing the brand spanking new editions of the PorterGirl series, in association with Smashing Blouse Productions. Second editions – but still first class.

First Lady of the Keys

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As one of the most ancient and esteemed establishments of the academic elite, Old College is in for something of a shock when it appoints its very first female Deputy Head Porter. As she struggles to get to grips with this eccentric world – not to mention the polite and discrete appearance of some dead bodies – she begins to wonder just quite what she is doing here.PorterGirl – First Lady of the Keys is a quirky and, at times, laugh-out-loud funny glimpse into a world usually reserved for the upper echelons of society.Whether she is chasing after naked students, drinking copious amounts of tea or getting embroiled in nefarious deeds, Deputy Head Porter is never far from…

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Throwback Friday – ‘Greenland’ – Eric (EDC Writing)

‘Sam & Erin’s Story’ has been on hold a while as I completed ‘Shorts – a take on poetry’ – their story first saw the light of day as a mix of narrative scenes and messages – then became all messages – on re-reading I think I might change my mind again and add narrative text like this back in – your thoughts as ever welcome please…

Go Dog Go Café

This post a lengthy piece of narrative text written as part of ‘Sam & Erin’s Story’ back in September 2017 – this its first exposure at the Go Dog Go Cafe…

 …..

With hail ricocheting off the wing, backsides bouncing on their seats, her hand gripping his, painted nails digging in, not daring to breathe, let alone speak, his brain exclaims shit, how’s this thing still flying?! As wheels touch the ground and spent air is released through every orifice he strains to hear her breathless whisper. “Sorry, Sam, your fingers are bleeding.”

Sam grins as he looks at his deeply scarred hand. “When I said get a grip I didn’t mean quite so literally! At least this one is already ugly.” Amy gives his hand a kiss; a trace of Sam’s blood merges with her lipstick.

Both give a nervous laugh as the pilot nonchalantly announces, “Welcome to Kangerlussuaq…

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His & Hers: Raw Lines #14 – Immunised against love

His:     You’re the most complex woman I’ve ever come across – such beauty, obvious intelligence, yet so suspicious and lacking in confidence. You really have been hurt and badly to need to hide yourself on here. That we met here is something of a miracle, that we stay here would be a tragedy and I will not let that happen. I can’t undo your past but I can be of your present, your future, as a friend and whatever else you find within yourself you need of me. I’m real, I’m genuine, above all I’m a man who somehow fell for you, and despite everything, I sense you feel the same?

Hers:   Maybe it’s my intelligence which makes me be suspicious and decide on what I do. I do not want to get hurt again, and that is why I am not rushing things forwards. Everything has its time and place. No tragedies please, just keep positive.

His:     My heart decides when it comes to you, against all logic, or what my mind says. Please listen to yours and if it says you want me, then call me.

Hers:   I have to listen to my head as well and unless the two are in unison I can’t make myself move on. I think we are having fun and I want it to continue and see what happens.

His:     No, we are not having fun. You are at the expense of my emotions. You ignore all I say, only want things to be your way not our way. You’re immunised against love, have not said a single word that shows you want me. Not in any way shown you care. It’s such a tragedy.

Hers:   I think this talk is crazy after only chatting for such a short time. I am sorry that you seem to think I am selfish in some way. I don’t know what you want me to say to that. Makes me feel great so thank you!

His:      Such a short time? Just one word left to say to you… enough!

Hers:   Oh come on. In the grand scheme of things it is crazy to be saying that. Of course I have feelings for you but I cannot declare my undying love for you before we are face to face. Not only would it be naïve it would be meaningless – when I show you and tell you how I feel about you I want it to be special and amazing. The real tragedy is that you want to walk away now, and for what – because I keep my heart inside of me, because I want us to be real.

His & Hers raw words are extracts from a file of fictional messages written in recent years titled ‘Believing Sight Unseen.’ A first novel ‘Sam & Erin’ drawn from these extracts is nearing completion – a second novel ‘Sean & Ellie’ is being worked on too.

His & Hers: Raw Lines #13 – back in touch

His:     The trouble is I doubt you, too much time has gone by, if you really cared you would surely have meet up with me by now. I think back a few months to when you said you loved me, I’d never been so happy, but then you withdrew your love saying you’re not sure, but all the time saying you never say anything unless you mean it. Do you really expect me to still believe that? You’d been saying we will meet soon for months, how gullible do you think I am? Read your so brief messages, where did the woman I used to know go. What the hell has happened to you?

Hers:   Nothing has happened to me, I don’t know why you are saying that? I have issues I’m trying to get over but I don’t like to talk about my problems with you as I don’t want to bring you down so I keep a lot to myself and trapped inside. I feel let down by your message to be honest.

His:    I can’t read your mind, I wish I could. I also wish you would share your problems with me and let me help you through them but I can’t do anything for you if you don’t trust me. Let me through your barrier and have me by your side for as long as you want and need me.

Hers:  Well I’m not asking you to read my mind and I’d rather keep my problems to myself, they are personal and for me to deal with, sorry.

His:    When I got back in touch you said I made you so happy and that I was in your heart, it moved me so much to hear you say that. But since you suggested our next step was to meet, and it was you, I just asked what happens next, you have been so indifferent and evasive. I can accept there’s an imbalance in our feelings for each other but even so, to say the least, I’m confused. I don’t know what to do?

Hers:   I’m a little confused here too as I think you are reading things in the wrong way. I do not think there is an imbalance with our feelings and besides, we all do and show things in a different way. We are not all the same. Please try not to over analyse things as you will drive yourself crazy. You don’t need to do anything, okay.

His & Hers raw lines resumed – extracts from ‘Believing Sight Unseen’ – can’t quite believe it’s been a year since I posted  His & Hers: Raw Lines #12 – subtle breeze…and nine months since Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #23 (novel to be published  as  ‘Sam and Erin – Believing Sight Unseen’)

EDC Writing: Bits & Pieces – Perfect Days

Our perfect days to come have to start with one, the day we say hello, the day that we begin, to talk a while and feel, all that we’ve begun is real, to let what we have grow, through looks and smiles, and hand holds, and if our chemistry is right, as I believe it might, then we’ll be all we’ve ever said, the two of us, behaving naturally, instinctively, behind closed doors, the bedroom, the sofa, the kitchen table, up against the hall wall, and as I know you have a hankering, al fresco too, the touch of grass upon your skin, words undressed as us, all we are exposed …

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #23

Friday

Sam

I didn’t sleep well last night. I had this niggling thought that you are going to back out of meeting up this weekend. Thankfully daylight has cleared my head. So, Erin, I’ll ask again, where and when works best for you?

Erin

This has all happened so fast though. Don’t you think we should slow down and really talk about us and our feelings? I really don’t want this to end, but I’m also scared it will all fizzle out if we rush things.

Sam

I’d be really disappointed if you still have any concerns about me, especially now. To be honest I find it hard to reconcile what we feel for each other with being on here. We don’t need this site, surely?

Erin

We will have to sort something out that is for sure, something that is good for both of us. I agree that messaging, good as it is, is not enough.

Sam

Oh, please don’t get too enthusiastic, I might actually think you are keen to meet!  Amazing, after all you’ve said to me. I thought we were there, but it seems just nearly.

Erin

Sam, please, it doesn’t help you being sarcastic with me. It’s really not something I appreciate, okay!

Sam

Is that really the best you have to offer?

Erin:

I’m sorry, Sam, I don’t mean to be difficult. I love what we have here. I guess I can be immature at times. You know so much more about life than me, you see things how they are, but I still have things to learn. I hope you won’t give up on us and that you’ll guide me to you.

Sam

I won’t give up on us, but you do need to accept that we need to get off this site and keep in touch directly. I realise it took a lot for you to admit you may have things to learn, we both have, not least to have complete faith in each other.

Erin

Well, yes, I can see that, but I’m not willing to come off of this site until we have met up in person.

Sam 

Erin, our future is in your hands. It’s up to you now to do the right thing for us. We are not strangers, yet you treat me like one. It’s time we moved on, one way or another.

Erin

I am not treating you like a stranger, you know I’m not. That is quite a hurtful remark for you to make, Sam. Just be patient with me, please.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #22

Wednesday

Sam

Somehow we’ll see this through, be off of here, and be together, me and you. It’s what I think of most, the times we have to come. I see you in my mind, try to imagine how you’ll look – your hair, your clothes, what you wear beneath, what it would be like to feel the softness of your skin. I so need to see your smile, to hold your hand I’ll not willingly let go. I think of the things we’ll say, the laughter, the fun, how at ease we’ll be, as us.

Erin

You say such wonderful things to me, Sam. Where do you get all of these lovely words from? You must have such an amazing imagination – I dare not write the things I’m imagining!

 

Thursday

Sam

I have an idea or two about what we could do this weekend, to explore each other a little, to see where we’d like to go next. I’ve no idea where you live other than it must be quite close to London, as I am too. I’m quite flexible. What day and locality would be best for you?

Erin

Are you going to share these ideas with me? I would love to know what sort of places you enjoy going to. Do you think we can do something casual that doesn’t involve booking anything as that would seem a little too formal for me.

Sam

Erin, of course, informal is fine for me. I enjoy all sorts of places. It’s who you’re with and how you feel that matters. We will have a great time, just let me know where and when.

Erin

Sam, you’re so right, it’s the company that you are in that makes a good night out. Sometimes if it’s not a nice place but you’re with a person you really want to be with, it makes everything okay.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #21

Sunday

Sam

Erin, I’ll hold you to that, and every inch of me. It will be so wonderful to see you. I can’t stop smiling at the thought of being with you soon. My heart is thumping as I write – we are so close, just a week away from being all we dreamed. This is our time now – we each deserve to be happy, to be in each other’s arms.

Erin

Your message really has made me feel somewhere between laughing with sheer happiness and crying with emotion. Sam, I don’t know what you are doing to me, but I can’t get you out of my head. I fancy you something rotten, but at the same time you have become my friend – there’s no one who understands me the way you do. I know that being in your arms will feel where I belong. I can only hope you feel the same.

 

Monday

Sam

I feel as though I’m walking on air, in a world with only you. I ache beyond belief to see you. My only wish is to make you happy. We have a future, a good one – please let’s make sure we happen.

Erin

Do you really believe we can bring happiness into one another’s lives? I know that I am happy now,  but can it really last?

Sam

We can and will, Erin. Be strong, hold on, till next weekend, then I’ll be strong enough for both of us and you will see that, yes, all this has been worth it. Do not weaken, we have almost reached out far enough to touch each other – just imagine how wonderful that will be!

Erin

I’m trying, Sam. I really am.

 

Tuesday

 Sam

I so want to be with you, every day of waiting is now almost too much to bear. I’m absolutely committed to you – you are my girl, my perfect woman. I would like to start my life afresh with you, us as a couple, sharing everything in every way.

Erin

Heavens, that is such a powerful statement to make. It makes me feel a little nervous to be honest. I do want you as much as I have said I do, but I do worry that you are putting too much into us. Have you even thought of the possibility that when we meet I may not be what you have conjured up in your head and then you will feel let down? I’m sorry if I sound a bit negative, but I really do need you to keep your feet on the ground.

Sam

I understand what you are saying, Erin, I do see where you are coming from. I realise that for you our romance is something you hope for but until we meet is not a given. But you know, Erin, there is no way you could let me down. When we meet, nothing that I see or hear from you could ever change the way I feel. What lies ahead for us will be good, I’m certain. And you are right, we’ll take it step-by-step, date-by-date and enjoy the pleasure of being with each other.

Erin

I feel the same about taking things step-by-step. I really want to make sure that this is real and not just the first flush of a new relationship. I want this to work and not be a fool again.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #20

Friday

Sam

Erin, I hope you’re home safe. No matter how you feel about yourself right now, no matter what your friends have said that has hurt you so deeply, you are and always will be a very special woman to me. My heart is not broken and nor should yours be. My feelings for you are as they have always been, and always will be. You are an irreplaceable vital part of me. If you feel anger then use it to give you strength to set free the loving caring woman I know you to be – if not for me, then for yourself. And be sure of this, I’d be proud to stand by you, as my friend, my soul-mate and my lover – to be any one of these or all, would make me happy.

Erin

You are the most adoring and gentle man. You are everything I hoped, I imagined, the perfect man could be. Just give me a little time and I will make you feel so proud for me to be your woman.

 

Saturday

Sam

Hello, Erin, how’s your weekend going? I hope you and your friends are seeing eye to eye again, I really do. I would not want to be the cause of any animosity between them and you, a man on the internet, a man you’ve never seen. How could they grasp all we feel? How could they understand the way fate worked for me and you? How we met on here is a mystery, a miracle. I just know we are meant to be, but how could they? How could they know how long ago I fell for you? If only they could see how good I am for you and you are for me.

Erin

That’s just the point. They only see you as a man on the internet, suspect, even dangerous, like the man who scared me once before. They don’t understand our relationship or our feelings for each other. Too bad, they will just have to accept that it’s my life and my choice.

Sam

I obviously touched a nerve asking how things were between you and your friends. I’m not too sure from your reply exactly what it is that you have told them and what you need them to accept as your choice of how to live. That you’ve been scared by something from your past has long been obvious to me. I won’t dwell on this unless you want to talk about it, but I do want you to feel free to talk to me about anything at all. You know I’ll always listen and believe in you. It goes without saying I wish we were together. That you’d let me help you smile, and laugh, and even cry, to just be yourself and know that all I’ll ever want from you is to be the woman I know you are.

Erin

No, let’s not dwell on it. It’s one friend in particular who thinks she knows everything. Let’s focus on us and being happy and my friends will see that I am happy and that’s what should matter to them, right? I love that you are a part of my life – you are the right man for me. I am ready, Sam, let’s make next weekend the beginning of everything for us.