No Bodies

She of an age, not young
nor old, she knows he
knows, her lines and eyes
he pins within a decade

He shows his own, tells
who asks, yet as if, he
not believed, she says
(more wish) he can’t be

No time to tell, no hand
to hold, line after line
she feels, he too, soul bites
no sound, no bodies.

His & Hers: Raw Lines #14 – Immunised against love

His:     You’re the most complex woman I’ve ever come across – such beauty, obvious intelligence, yet so suspicious and lacking in confidence. You really have been hurt and badly to need to hide yourself on here. That we met here is something of a miracle, that we stay here would be a tragedy and I will not let that happen. I can’t undo your past but I can be of your present, your future, as a friend and whatever else you find within yourself you need of me. I’m real, I’m genuine, above all I’m a man who somehow fell for you, and despite everything, I sense you feel the same?

Hers:   Maybe it’s my intelligence which makes me be suspicious and decide on what I do. I do not want to get hurt again, and that is why I am not rushing things forwards. Everything has its time and place. No tragedies please, just keep positive.

His:     My heart decides when it comes to you, against all logic, or what my mind says. Please listen to yours and if it says you want me, then call me.

Hers:   I have to listen to my head as well and unless the two are in unison I can’t make myself move on. I think we are having fun and I want it to continue and see what happens.

His:     No, we are not having fun. You are at the expense of my emotions. You ignore all I say, only want things to be your way not our way. You’re immunised against love, have not said a single word that shows you want me. Not in any way shown you care. It’s such a tragedy.

Hers:   I think this talk is crazy after only chatting for such a short time. I am sorry that you seem to think I am selfish in some way. I don’t know what you want me to say to that. Makes me feel great so thank you!

His:      Such a short time? Just one word left to say to you… enough!

Hers:   Oh come on. In the grand scheme of things it is crazy to be saying that. Of course I have feelings for you but I cannot declare my undying love for you before we are face to face. Not only would it be naïve it would be meaningless – when I show you and tell you how I feel about you I want it to be special and amazing. The real tragedy is that you want to walk away now, and for what – because I keep my heart inside of me, because I want us to be real.

His & Hers raw words are extracts from a file of fictional messages written in recent years titled ‘Believing Sight Unseen.’ A first novel ‘Sam & Erin’ drawn from these extracts is nearing completion – a second novel ‘Sean & Ellie’ is being worked on too.

His & Hers: Raw Lines #13 – back in touch

His:     The trouble is I doubt you, too much time has gone by, if you really cared you would surely have meet up with me by now. I think back a few months to when you said you loved me, I’d never been so happy, but then you withdrew your love saying you’re not sure, but all the time saying you never say anything unless you mean it. Do you really expect me to still believe that? You’d been saying we will meet soon for months, how gullible do you think I am? Read your so brief messages, where did the woman I used to know go. What the hell has happened to you?

Hers:   Nothing has happened to me, I don’t know why you are saying that? I have issues I’m trying to get over but I don’t like to talk about my problems with you as I don’t want to bring you down so I keep a lot to myself and trapped inside. I feel let down by your message to be honest.

His:    I can’t read your mind, I wish I could. I also wish you would share your problems with me and let me help you through them but I can’t do anything for you if you don’t trust me. Let me through your barrier and have me by your side for as long as you want and need me.

Hers:  Well I’m not asking you to read my mind and I’d rather keep my problems to myself, they are personal and for me to deal with, sorry.

His:    When I got back in touch you said I made you so happy and that I was in your heart, it moved me so much to hear you say that. But since you suggested our next step was to meet, and it was you, I just asked what happens next, you have been so indifferent and evasive. I can accept there’s an imbalance in our feelings for each other but even so, to say the least, I’m confused. I don’t know what to do?

Hers:   I’m a little confused here too as I think you are reading things in the wrong way. I do not think there is an imbalance with our feelings and besides, we all do and show things in a different way. We are not all the same. Please try not to over analyse things as you will drive yourself crazy. You don’t need to do anything, okay.

His & Hers raw lines resumed – extracts from ‘Believing Sight Unseen’ – can’t quite believe it’s been a year since I posted  His & Hers: Raw Lines #12 – subtle breeze…and nine months since Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #23 (novel to be published  as  ‘Sam and Erin – Believing Sight Unseen’)

EDC Writing – Prose to poetry – getting started.

My life changed in 2011/2012 – close to ending in 2011 – 2012 saw another me, raw, creative writing a release. ‘Believing Sight Unseen’ appeared, ‘His and Her’ words, in the form of messages, Sam & Erin’s mostly, this ‘new’ blog gives quite a few! An ‘old’ blog deleted, you live and learn – a less naïve me now in the online world!

Back to the beginning,  I wrote, a concept,  a synopsis,  for ‘Believing Sight Unseen’  –  sent out to acquaintances, to varying degrees – almost all said ‘we’re intrigued’ – one said ‘ your writing more poetry than prose ‘ – my take on prose, every word, fell into place as this: 

 

It started on a Sunday, a day unlike any other,

How could it be, when two people, so different,

A woman, blue eyed blond,  a man, blue eyed too and greying,

Came across each other, by chance, by fate,

All that matters is it happened.

 

Defying sense, at least the common sort,

They connected in a virtual way, real enough to them.

Naively they invested in each other, no guarantee of interest.

Their messages flowed as if free, though by what means,

Best not to say, you never know who reads.

 

Early days they wrote of lust and sensuality,

An upside down romance in many ways.

Graphic yes, but never crude, it was as if they knew,

Something special had begun, and with tenderness and care,

They explored, albeit blindly, the senses of each other.

 

Words appeared that had meaning as their hearts began to open,

Flowing into minds where spiteful demons lurked.

Feelings deepened, desires and hopes not fully recognised awakened,

Was this excitation of that latent state, the pure free energy of life.

Would either dare to name it.

 

Tensions rose, unintentional, but impossible to avoid,

In their character-limited message world.

So many misunderstandings, the cruel ambiguity of words.

Awful moments came, filled with agony and hurt,

Yet through extraordinary patience and forgiveness went.

 

Pain washed away by tears left scars unseen,

What fool said falling never hurts?

Now so close, so intimate, they clung each to the other,

A dance of sorts, one step forward, so often two steps back,

A strictly outer body experience.

 

Fate played a hand, an unmarked deck, do we ever know.

He took a chance and gambled, all or nothing now,

Feelings too intense to hide, he blew her mind,

Knocked her demons senseless, both touched and moved so much,

Their hearts became engaged, their souls mated.

 

Demons stirred again, exposing fears deep rooted in her past,

Systemic, defying trust, and maddening to male logic.

All attempts to meet met with frustration, so many times she said she would,

But so strong willed she railed against his pressure, all he did was ask.

For crying out loud, what’s wrong with her, and yes what’s wrong with him.

 

Both hearts ached to beat as one, their bond so fragile yet so strong,

Reaching out, yet still not close enough to touch the other.

So hard they tried to bridge what seemed a chasm,

He falling deep within, her teetering on the edge looking down,

Her biggest fear to lose him.

 

What became of these would be lovers,

Where did they land when falling done,

Hand in hand together, or shattered, broken and apart.

Their story now unfolds for those with hearts that can be touched,

And imaginations that can see beyond this man and woman’s words.

 

EDC Writing – notes for my editor #1

Believing Sight Unseen

His and her stories written in message format

Have enough raw text for at least two distinct books using different pairs of characters – it’s just a matter of me sorting it!

 

Book One: Their Days – Sam & Erin’s Story

A May to September relationship – in terms of age gap and timeline.

Two characters Erin, age about 30; Sam, age about 50.

Interaction – predominately internet messaging – potential for email, phone text and ultimately dialogue.

Messages clearly defined as Sam or Erin – delineated by day starting on a Sunday in early May (contemporary, most of the raw messages were written in 2012 – 2014).

No formal chapters – time lined – Early May – Mid May – Late May and so on.

Expect to be novella length (~25,000 words of which ~ 11,000 edited to date)

Intention to be real and relatable – believable yet not predictable – to have readers feel for both Sam and Erin and want them to be together (despite or because of their flaws and misunderstandings).

An of today ‘will they – wont they’ story aiming to self-publish in June (July at the latest!)

Blogging ongoing edited story in ‘real time’ up until published – from today.

[Hi Esther – I need to send you this! Catch up tomorrow – Eric]

His & Hers: Raw Lines #12 – subtle breeze…

His:

On days like this, sun kissed, a subtle breeze, leaves appearing in awakening trees, inner feelings can break free. Imagine a day like this, the day we meet, how it could be, for you and me. You walk towards me, and I to you, you give a wave and I do too. We now so close our smiles break through, both blush a little as our eyes meet too. Our fingers brush, your hand finds its way to mine. We stroll along, birds sing, nature in all its glory bows to you, your beauty, I bow too.

Hers:

Subtle breeze and leaves – you are such a romantic. Those words of yours paint a thousand images in my mind you know! Blushing a little got me smiling and our eyes meeting. What would we be wearing? I’d like to imagine the whole picture if you don’t think it an odd question?

His:

A quote from Hans Christian Andersen –  ‘just living is not enough, one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower’ – just seems to catch the mood, the way I feel, about my life and you. We share the sunshine, my freedom my choice to be with you, the perfect flower, who gives meaning to my life. What we’ll wear, always a smile, whatever else depends on how we are, we feel, how much we want to give. I see you in my mind, always stunning in a dress, light and floaty in the daytime you hair down, barefoot, we always seem to be in the open, walking, laying on the grass. In the evening, a dress too, figure hugging, we’re dancing, close, all eyes on you.

Hers:

Oh my goodness, that quote and the way you described it relating to you and me actually brought a tear to my eye. I do hope I’m not a disappointment to you when we meet. You put me on such a high pedestal that I’m afraid I’ll not stand up to your expectations of me.

His:

I’ll stand up for you, as you come into sight, when you enter a room, when you need a hug, by day by night. A romantic, yes, yet a realist too.  I know of you only from your words, and those that fall between the lines. We all have flaws, my eyes are open and I adore you for who you are.

Hers:

You really are an amazing man aren’t you? I can’t believe how lucky I am. Being on here I just thought would be a bit of fun. I never ever expected to find someone like you and to feel like this. I love everything about you and I feel that can only grow more as time goes on.

His & Hers – raw lines extracted at random from ‘Believing Sight Unseen’  a file of what was a quarter of a million words – culled to about a hundred and fifty thousand – now turning into stories…

His & Hers: Raw Lines #11 – not trying to tie you down…

His:

You have a good evening, forget about me, enjoy yourself with friends, look absolutely gorgeous, stun everyone who sees you. I’ll wish I could be with you, but it’s not me you want to be with. So go do what makes you happy and turns you on. You only have one life so live it, as you always do. Take care, have fun.

Hers:

Why does that sound like you are saying goodbye to me? Have I done something wrong because that message has left me thinking, so please do let me know.

His:

I felt I’ve been boring you, getting too heavy, burdening you with things I shouldn’t so thought I’d be a lot more positive and lighten up. I just gave myself a slap and a bit of a kick up the arse to accept you’re an incredible young woman and I’m damn lucky to have you in my life at all. I feel alive and not just living because of you. I want to share whatever we can of our lives together, I want us to be real. But saying that I want you to know I’m not trying to tie you down or inhibit you or the way you want to live. I just want you the way you are.

Hers:

I know you’re not trying to tie me down, just don’t scare me like that again! I really thought you were saying you didn’t want me anymore. I felt like crying. I’m so glad it’s not the case.

His & Hers – raw lines extracted at random from ‘Believing Sight Unseen’  a file of what was a quarter of a million words – culled to about a hundred and fifty thousand – now turning into stories…

 

His & Hers: Raw Lines #10 – first thing on a Sunday morning…

His:

I’m feeling let down to be honest. I thought you understood we need to talk. I’m tired of sitting on my arse waiting for you to start this. But hey, don’t rush to reply, do whatever you have planned for today, I really wouldn’t want to spoil anything you enjoy.

Hers:

I do talk to you! I’ve never been so open with anyone. You are spoiling what I enjoy, you, the way you where, what’s got into you?

His:

Come on, it’s obvious you avoid talking about anything to do with us. Do you really think I’m that dumb? You like stringing me along, you’re an expert at it, you’ve been doing it since day one, the very first day we started this. As you said I’m pathetic, I agree, I must be for taking this from you for so long. So let’s keep it simple, you do something for once.

Hers:

And when did I say that you’re pathetic? Why would I speak to you like that? You’re not dumb and there is no need for you to say that. Forcing me to do something isn’t going to make me do so much quicker, don’t you get that? You seem to be so moody lately. You need to calm down.

His:

Well that seems to say it all, you don’t even know what you said two days ago. This is all part of the same thing, the same old problem, you not being able to move on. I’m not forcing you to do anything anyone who really cares would do. I’m calm, why would you think I’m not, all I’m doing is telling you what I see. And please spare me your innocence, just do something for us. I’m tired of being the only one trying to make us work.

Hers:

It’s first thing on a Sunday morning and yet again it’s all me, me, me with you, I’m fed up of your do this, do that moods and messages. This is the last thing I need, stop being so damn pushy, I’ve had enough, okay!