‘I thought I saw you where you said you’d be.’
‘I’m so sorry she wasn’t me.’
‘I thought I saw you where you said you’d be.’
‘I’m so sorry she wasn’t me.’
I’m here, you’re here, what are we waiting for?’
Good question, I was leaving, now you’ve got me thinking.
While you’re thinking take a chance and talk a while with me.
I think I will – hello, I’m Sam and spell-bound by your smile.
My goodness, do you mean that? I’m Erin by the way.
I can’t see your smile
I can’t hear you laugh
yet give you all I am
if that’s what you’d like
I could hold my breath
I could bite my tongue
be your unseen one
is that what you want
I’m only human a man
hurt when feel let down
I’m only human crushed
if you’re not human too
He thought, ‘I’ll trust you till I don’t’
She thought, ‘I don’t trust you already’
I find you where you always are
within the only messages I read
your photo next to your words
on top and under me.
In my mind we’re staring ever
smiling eyes sparkling as if stars
a moonbeam passed between
so close yet never seen.
She of an age, not young
nor old, she knows he
knows, her lines and eyes
he pins within a decade
He shows his own, tells
who asks, yet as if, he
not believed, she says
(more wish) he can’t be
No time to tell, no hand
to hold, line after line
she feels, he too, soul bites
no sound, no bodies.
His: You’re the most complex woman I’ve ever come across – such beauty, obvious intelligence, yet so suspicious and lacking in confidence. You really have been hurt and badly to need to hide yourself on here. That we met here is something of a miracle, that we stay here would be a tragedy and I will not let that happen. I can’t undo your past but I can be of your present, your future, as a friend and whatever else you find within yourself you need of me. I’m real, I’m genuine, above all I’m a man who somehow fell for you, and despite everything, I sense you feel the same?
Hers: Maybe it’s my intelligence which makes me be suspicious and decide on what I do. I do not want to get hurt again, and that is why I am not rushing things forwards. Everything has its time and place. No tragedies please, just keep positive.
His: My heart decides when it comes to you, against all logic, or what my mind says. Please listen to yours and if it says you want me, then call me.
Hers: I have to listen to my head as well and unless the two are in unison I can’t make myself move on. I think we are having fun and I want it to continue and see what happens.
His: No, we are not having fun. You are at the expense of my emotions. You ignore all I say, only want things to be your way not our way. You’re immunised against love, have not said a single word that shows you want me. Not in any way shown you care. It’s such a tragedy.
Hers: I think this talk is crazy after only chatting for such a short time. I am sorry that you seem to think I am selfish in some way. I don’t know what you want me to say to that. Makes me feel great so thank you!
His: Such a short time? Just one word left to say to you… enough!
Hers: Oh come on. In the grand scheme of things it is crazy to be saying that. Of course I have feelings for you but I cannot declare my undying love for you before we are face to face. Not only would it be naïve it would be meaningless – when I show you and tell you how I feel about you I want it to be special and amazing. The real tragedy is that you want to walk away now, and for what – because I keep my heart inside of me, because I want us to be real.
His & Hers raw words are extracts from a file of fictional messages written in recent years titled ‘Believing Sight Unseen.’ A first novel ‘Sam & Erin’ drawn from these extracts is nearing completion – a second novel ‘Sean & Ellie’ is being worked on too.
His: The trouble is I doubt you, too much time has gone by, if you really cared you would surely have meet up with me by now. I think back a few months to when you said you loved me, I’d never been so happy, but then you withdrew your love saying you’re not sure, but all the time saying you never say anything unless you mean it. Do you really expect me to still believe that? You’d been saying we will meet soon for months, how gullible do you think I am? Read your so brief messages, where did the woman I used to know go. What the hell has happened to you?
Hers: Nothing has happened to me, I don’t know why you are saying that? I have issues I’m trying to get over but I don’t like to talk about my problems with you as I don’t want to bring you down so I keep a lot to myself and trapped inside. I feel let down by your message to be honest.
His: I can’t read your mind, I wish I could. I also wish you would share your problems with me and let me help you through them but I can’t do anything for you if you don’t trust me. Let me through your barrier and have me by your side for as long as you want and need me.
Hers: Well I’m not asking you to read my mind and I’d rather keep my problems to myself, they are personal and for me to deal with, sorry.
His: When I got back in touch you said I made you so happy and that I was in your heart, it moved me so much to hear you say that. But since you suggested our next step was to meet, and it was you, I just asked what happens next, you have been so indifferent and evasive. I can accept there’s an imbalance in our feelings for each other but even so, to say the least, I’m confused. I don’t know what to do?
Hers: I’m a little confused here too as I think you are reading things in the wrong way. I do not think there is an imbalance with our feelings and besides, we all do and show things in a different way. We are not all the same. Please try not to over analyse things as you will drive yourself crazy. You don’t need to do anything, okay.
His & Hers raw lines resumed – extracts from ‘Believing Sight Unseen’ – can’t quite believe it’s been a year since I posted His & Hers: Raw Lines #12 – subtle breeze…and nine months since Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #23 (novel to be published as ‘Sam and Erin – Believing Sight Unseen’)
My life changed in 2011/2012 – close to ending in 2011 – 2012 saw another me, raw, creative writing a release. ‘Believing Sight Unseen’ appeared, ‘His and Her’ words, in the form of messages, Sam & Erin’s mostly, this ‘new’ blog gives quite a few! An ‘old’ blog deleted, you live and learn – a less naïve me now in the online world!
Back to the beginning, I wrote, a concept, a synopsis, for ‘Believing Sight Unseen’ – sent out to acquaintances, to varying degrees – almost all said ‘we’re intrigued’ – one said ‘ your writing more poetry than prose ‘ – my take on prose, every word, fell into place as this:
It started on a Sunday, a day unlike any other,
How could it be, when two people, so different,
A woman, blue eyed blond, a man, blue eyed too and greying,
Came across each other, by chance, by fate,
All that matters is it happened.
Defying sense, at least the common sort,
They connected in a virtual way, real enough to them.
Naively they invested in each other, no guarantee of interest.
Their messages flowed as if free, though by what means,
Best not to say, you never know who reads.
Early days they wrote of lust and sensuality,
An upside down romance in many ways.
Graphic yes, but never crude, it was as if they knew,
Something special had begun, and with tenderness and care,
They explored, albeit blindly, the senses of each other.
Words appeared that had meaning as their hearts began to open,
Flowing into minds where spiteful demons lurked.
Feelings deepened, desires and hopes not fully recognised awakened,
Was this excitation of that latent state, the pure free energy of life.
Would either dare to name it.
Tensions rose, unintentional, but impossible to avoid,
In their character-limited message world.
So many misunderstandings, the cruel ambiguity of words.
Awful moments came, filled with agony and hurt,
Yet through extraordinary patience and forgiveness went.
Pain washed away by tears left scars unseen,
What fool said falling never hurts?
Now so close, so intimate, they clung each to the other,
A dance of sorts, one step forward, so often two steps back,
A strictly outer body experience.
Fate played a hand, an unmarked deck, do we ever know.
He took a chance and gambled, all or nothing now,
Feelings too intense to hide, he blew her mind,
Knocked her demons senseless, both touched and moved so much,
Their hearts became engaged, their souls mated.
Demons stirred again, exposing fears deep rooted in her past,
Systemic, defying trust, and maddening to male logic.
All attempts to meet met with frustration, so many times she said she would,
But so strong willed she railed against his pressure, all he did was ask.
For crying out loud, what’s wrong with her, and yes what’s wrong with him.
Both hearts ached to beat as one, their bond so fragile yet so strong,
Reaching out, yet still not close enough to touch the other.
So hard they tried to bridge what seemed a chasm,
He falling deep within, her teetering on the edge looking down,
Her biggest fear to lose him.
What became of these would be lovers,
Where did they land when falling done,
Hand in hand together, or shattered, broken and apart.
Their story now unfolds for those with hearts that can be touched,
And imaginations that can see beyond this man and woman’s words.
Believing Sight Unseen
His and her stories written in message format
Have enough raw text for at least two distinct books using different pairs of characters – it’s just a matter of me sorting it!
Book One: Their Days – Sam & Erin’s Story
A May to September relationship – in terms of age gap and timeline.
Two characters Erin, age about 30; Sam, age about 50.
Interaction – predominately internet messaging – potential for email, phone text and ultimately dialogue.
Messages clearly defined as Sam or Erin – delineated by day starting on a Sunday in early May (contemporary, most of the raw messages were written in 2012 – 2014).
No formal chapters – time lined – Early May – Mid May – Late May and so on.
Expect to be novella length (~25,000 words of which ~ 11,000 edited to date)
Intention to be real and relatable – believable yet not predictable – to have readers feel for both Sam and Erin and want them to be together (despite or because of their flaws and misunderstandings).
An of today ‘will they – wont they’ story aiming to self-publish in June (July at the latest!)
Blogging ongoing edited story in ‘real time’ up until published – from today.
[Hi Esther – I need to send you this! Catch up tomorrow – Eric]