#17 Their Days: Indiscretion – In my own way

[Believing Sight Unseen – Their Days – Sam & Erin’s Story]

 

Saturday

Sam:

Yet another weekend, you’ll look so good, so gorgeous, so desirable on a night or two out with your friends, maybe a date, maybe someone regular? I’m not naive, you are a highly sexed woman – you have your needs and more ways than most to sate them. I just do not understand, given all you’ve said you feel, why not with me? I’m struggling now to comprehend what we are all about, please tell me why you’re doing this to me? I’ve been hurting too long to keep on taking more, why can’t you open up and let me in, why can’t you let me see who you really are?

Erin:

Yes, I am going out but there won’t be any dates with men or women, just me and my friends. Believe it or not although I am highly sexed there is more to life than just sex. You are going on like I am sleeping with everyone apart from you!

Sam:

I do not think of you like that at all, you should know that! Of course I know there is much more to a relationship than sex – I know that more than most. I wish you did not get so defensive whenever I try to let you know how I feel. Look, as yet we have not made any commitment to each other, but I want to Erin, you know that. We are not exclusive to each other, but I want to be with you, but we have not even met so I do not expect it from you. It’s obviously your life to live as you like – I’d just like to know when I’ll be a part of it?

Erin:

You are a part of it and that is what I am saying, there is no one else. I am enjoying the time getting to know you, no hidden agenda, I just want it to continue as we are and see how it goes that’s it, it’s for all the right reasons you know?

San:

If only I knew what to say, had words left to give you what you seem to need, more and more of them from me. I want to share my thoughts with you but nothing new will come, I’ve revealed all I am, more to you than anyone, you know the man I am. You say you have no agenda, yet you seem to want to control me – no one ever has, or ever will. Don’t you see, I’d give everything for you, willingly of my own free will. I think of us as equals, dynamic individuals, free spirits, with engaged hearts, separated for no good reason that I can see. Erin, do you really need more of this or the real possibility of us?

Erin:

I don’t need the possibility of us, I need the real us. I always have and always will. Have I ever given you reason to doubt this? I’ve loved getting to know you and still do. I thought you knew our feelings were mutual.

Sam:

I need the real us too, Erin. Only you can bridge the gap between us, only you can say the time for us to meet, our future is in your hands now, only you can make us complete. We have stood the test of time, it’s our time now to be together, it’s time we said ‘hello’ and be what we can be.

Erin:

I appreciate what you are saying, Sam. Our knowledge of each other is growing, I know our feelings are getting deeper, but it’s strange for me to feel like this and I just need us to be more comfortable with each other before we get together.

Sam:

You are not hearing what I say. You do not understand I am way ahead of you, my feelings are the deepest. I am uncomfortable being without you, uncomfortable being on here. There is more to us than just what you want, what I want matters too. There has to be a way ahead for us – what are we actually waiting for?

Erin:

I am hearing you very loud and clear! I’ve asked you not to push me – maybe you need to keep a firmer grip of your feelings?

Sam:

No, Erin, I am not holding back my feelings, how can I, they are real. If you can keep a grip on yours then perhaps they are not so real. I cannot bear to be apart from you, yet you just want to be on here. We need to talk, Erin, I need to hear your voice, I need to look into your eyes and have you see just how much I’ve fallen for you.

Erin:

Sam, I do want to talk to you but I feel better talking here first. There are things that I can say here that I could never say to you face to face or over the phone. Please let me in my own way.

EDC Shorts: lines – ‘prose’ -poetry #51

Messaging after dark … #2 of 2

 

Shaun

Come on Emily, let’s not cover old ground again. I’ve explained before why I came on here, why I started messaging, that the only reason I am on here is for you. I would love to be off of this site, but we’ve been through that too. I know it’s not going to happen until you feel able to meet me.

Emily

I appreciate what you are saying, but we haven’t bumped into each other on the street or in a club. We have met on the internet which comes with caution in my eyes. You really do need to remember you throw me each time you disappear and then come back again. Why do you keep doing this to me?

Shaun

The reasons have always been the same. Your inability to keep past promises, my frustration that you so often said you cared and trusted me yet would never tell me anything personal about yourself, you not having faith in me to respect the privilege of having direct contact with you, do I need to go on. All these things have come between us before but you chose to ignore them. I now realise that if we are to have a chance it can only come through your desire, mine has long been there. I want and need us to be real. So yes, hard lessons learnt.

Emily

I am so very sorry that you feel this way. I have not been stringing you along. I thought we would have met ages ago but it has just not happened yet. I don’t really know what to suggest. I want you to be happy in life, but I am not sure I can give you what you want. I am not perfect I know that, I have my faults, and yes I do lack in confidence, but I assure you I am genuine. I am truly sorry if you do not believe me.

Shaun

I believe you, Emily, and have no doubt that you are real and genuine. It’s taken a long time, too long, I know, for me to at last understand you well enough to say this. I promise you I mean it. My past reasons for leaving here are as I say in the past. I know just how much I feel for you. I’ve never known my heart ache as much as the times words have not passed between us. I’m here now because I need to be close to you, to at least have this much of you in my life, and hope for so much more. To me you mean more than anyone I’ve ever known. Emily, I’ll not willingly ever let you go again.

Emily

I’m glad you believe and trust me, but it has taken a lot of time to get to this point hasn’t it? I admit I am quite a closed person, yet somehow you have found a way in. Please, let’s just concentrate on our future together, and let me see the man behind the words.

Shaun

I’d love for us to now concentrate on our future together. Just writing those words make me feel so good about us. When I think of you, it’s always with you smiling; us side by side, holding hands. I have such a sense of romance, of serenity, of the magic that is us, of our need of each other. Emily, I have no doubt, we are meant to be.

Emily

I thought we were meant to be too, and still think that.  But we do have to move on from our misunderstanding as I am not here for an up and down relationship. I just want to be happy and for everything to be plain sailing. Is that too much to ask?

Shaun

You are here and I am here and that is all that matters now. For me it’s even more fundamental. What matters most is that we are in touch, that we communicate, that we let our feelings show. What I write to you comes from how I feel deep within, love from a giving heart. Whatever life may bring to me, I already have what means most, the feeling that I am as one with the woman that I love.

Emily

That is a really beautiful message. I feel so very lucky to have you in my life. I can feel your heart is so full of love and kindness. I promise you will find I’m worth the wait. The day will come when we will laugh about this, holding hands together. Goodnight my darling, Shaun.

 

[Source: Believing Sight Unseen ‘His & Hers’ words file]

EDC Shorts: lines – ‘prose’ – poetry #50

Messaging After Dark … #1 of 2

 

Shaun

Whatever the rights and wrongs of us I should not have said goodbye so badly, not said goodbye at all. The disappointment I turned out to be for you I’ve been to myself too. Yes, the cruel words came from me, but they are not me. The feelings I have for you are and always will be real. I’ll not hinder you from moving on other than to say, when, for whatever reason you messaged as if you did not know me on that awful Sunday I was in shock. It was as if all we’d ever said and felt was lost, that we were broken. No excuse, I should not have let you and myself down. I should have acted as the man I really am. I am so sorry, Emily.

Emily

Look, I am a bit confused by all of this to be honest. I thought that we were quite happy and moving along then it all seems to have got a bit miserable. I was just about to go to bed but I’m not going to be sleeping for a while now am I, Shaun.

Shaun

I did not realise it had got so late. I’d lost track of time thinking how to explain, but in no way excuse, the horrible way I had treated you. You had said goodbye with good grace, I to my shame, as an ignorant fool. Sadly, I cannot undo what’s been done, and I accept that at times I must confuse you. These past few weeks, I’ve missed you so very much, missed us being in touch. I’m always wondering how you are, you are always on my mind. I was not sure you would reply, thank you, Emily, it means so much to me.  I’ll not try to second guess you, so please ask me anything and I’ll answer with the truth.

Emily

I would like to ask what you would like to happen now. You say that you have missed me, but you haven’t shown any signs of wanting to talk to me. You must understand what mixed signals you are sending?

Shaun

I do not want to harp on about the past, what has passed between us. But, if I’m honest I feel the need to know if you remember just how long we have had a relationship on here; that you do know me, as I know you. You are the only woman I’ve ever truly romanced, the only woman to have been shown what is in my heart. I want and need you in my life, in any way you can be. What happens now is really up to you, I do not want to lose you.

Emily

I’ve never wanted to lose you, Shaun – you went not me. I think we need to get back to basics and try and get things back on track, but I can’t manage the upset and the hurt anymore, okay. Let’s just see where we can go from here, and forget the past, else we will never move forward.

Shaun

I feel the same, but can’t you see I need reassurance that you really do know me. The uncertainty is where the pain and hurt came from.

Emily

You really don’t have to be like that. I do want to get to know you, but I don’t want it to keep being like this, it doesn’t get us anywhere does it?

Shaun

The thing is you do know me, and have done for a spring and summer. Yes we had stopped and re-started messaging a few times, but never for more than a week or two.  Yet, each time you do not seem to remember much of what had gone before. You know my whole life story – you have been told more on here about me than anyone who has ever met or lived with me. Emily, it matters a great deal to me to know the base we are recovering from, how else can we move on? I’m not testing you, nothing like that, nor asking any questions. I just want you to be open with me so we can make the best of this we can.

Emily

It throws me off every time we stop and start. Every time you come back you blame yourself, and when you go you blame me. I think you would be much the same if it was me doing this to you. You would begin to feel like you never knew where you were. You can’t stop for a few weeks, or whatever, and then expect everything to be as it was. Can’t you see I always have this fear that you will just disappear again. I’m sorry Shaun, I really can’t help thinking that way. There needs to be consistency because you really do make me worry that you would be like this in real time with me.

 

[Source: Believing Sight Unseen ‘His & Hers’ words file]

EDC Shorts: ‘lines’ – prose – poetry #48

@EDC_Writing  – #Hashtag lines: 29 Nov’17  [#1lineWed: ‘trust’]

“Little by little in your own way tell me something of you, about you, let me slowly in, and as each day passes as you feel more as one with me, I’ll grow to know more of you, and as your faith grows, trust will follow, and the day will come when I am there beside you”

…..

“I care about you more than you know, whether it is love I don’t know. I find it hard to say I love someone I have only spoken to via messages, I know the onus is on me to change this, and I will, until then I ask you to please trust me and your feelings for me.”

 

[Source: Believing Sight Unseen – ‘His & Hers’ words file]

#16 Their Days: Indiscretion – Down to me

The previous phase ‘Exposure’ now has two additional posts #13 & #14 which set the scene for ‘Indiscretion’ 

The narrative scene which starts ‘Indiscretion’ was posted prematurely and has now been renumbered as #15

Indeed a work in progress!

…..

Friday

Sam:

I’ve been struggling for words, at least the right ones, I hope these are? I’m trying to sort out what matters in my head, to see where we’ve been, how things are, how we move on from here. It’s hard when you love what we have on here and I’d love to be with you. We seem to have grown to know ourselves a little better as we’ve become closer. Yet I know next to nothing about you that I could tell someone, but feel I know you as no other. It’s as if we’re fluent in another language, the linguistics of our hearts? I really don’t know, do you?

Erin:

Yes, I suppose we are getting to know ourselves as well as one another. I hadn’t thought of it like that before. I’m glad you got back in touch with me you know?

Sam:

I hadn’t realised I’d been away? As I say I’ve been looking at us, seeing things as they are. Your mixed messages and the brevity of your replies isn’t helping me or us much. I’m not sure what to expect of you, not sure if you have anything more to give. You seem immovable from your life on here, detached from doing anything for us.

Erin:

Even a day of not hearing from someone on here can feel a lot longer than it is. I am not sure what it is you are trying to say, but I would suggest you just say what it is in the bluntest form possible?

Sam:

Erin, I’m not trying to say anything I have not said before. You know how much I need to move on from here, yet you linger on this site for what seems to me one reason, you do not believe I am the man for you. So hardly surprising I am confused when you say you need me, that I’m your friend, yet do absolutely nothing to see me. I’ve nothing blunt to say, I’ve always felt the need of you, to be yours. It’s such a shame you can’t find it in you to believe me.

Erin:

I do believe you could be the man for me, but it takes longer than a few weeks to get to know someone you have never talked to before, don’t you agree? So I want to know who the real person is who I feel all this passion for.

Sam:

Erin, why say we have only known each other a few weeks when it’s been months since we started messaging. It worries me that you choose to have no memory of our past, the feelings we’ve exchanged for so very long. Being on here is your choice not mine. I’d like to talk to you but you won’t let me call. I’d love to meet you but know better than to ask. Its time you made your mind up don’t you think; to let me into your real life, or not?

Erin:

I don’t know why. It just doesn’t seem as though it has been as long as that. I haven’t forgotten the things that we have shared, only didn’t realise it had been so long. When you put it that way, yes, it is down to me.

#14 Their Days: Exposure – This weekend?

Monday

Sam:

Somehow we’ll see this through, be off of here, and be together, me and you. It’s what I think of most, the times we have to come. I see you in my mind, try to imagine how you look, your hair, your clothes, what you wear beneath, what it would be like to feel the softness of your skin. I so need to see your smile, to hold your hand I’ll not willingly let go. I think of the things we’ll say, the laughter, the fun, how at ease we’ll be, as us.

Erin:

You say such wonderful things to me, Sam. Where do you get all of these lovely words from? You must have such an amazing imagination, I dare not write the things I’m imagining!

Sam:

I have an idea or two about what we could do this weekend; to explore each other a little, to see where we’d like to go next?  I’ve no idea where you live other than it must be quite close to London, as I am too. I’m quite flexible, what day and locality would be best for you?

Erin:

Are you going to share these ideas with me? I would love to know what sort of places you enjoy going to. Do you think we can do something casual that doesn’t involve booking anything as that would seem a little too formal for me.

Sam:

Erin, of course, informal is fine for me. I enjoy all sorts of places, it’s who you’re with and how you feel that matters. We will have a great time, just let me know where and when?

Erin:

Sam, you’re so right it’s the company that you are in that makes a good night out. Sometimes if it’s not a nice place but you’re with a person you really want to be with it makes everything okay.

 

Tuesday

Sam:

I didn’t sleep well last night. I had this niggling thought that you are going to back out of meeting up this weekend. Thankfully daylight has cleared my head. So, Erin, I’ll ask again, where and when works best for you?

Erin:

This has all happened so fast though. Don’t you think we should slow down and really talk about us and our feelings? I really don’t want this to end but I am also scared it will all fizzle out if we rush things.

Sam:

Come on, Erin, do not falter. Have faith in your feelings, and in mine for you. We’ve taken a long time to get to this moment, a time in our lives when happiness is ours to have. Have the courage to meet and through our smiles, our eyes, our spoken words you will see we are truly right for each other, not for a while, but for ever.

Erin:

When you put it like that you make me believe that everything is going to be alright. I so hope that you are right because I really believe that you and I have something very special. I ache for you, Sam.

Sam:

Erin, we are very special, an inseparable part of each other. It will be so wonderful to see you. I can’t stop smiling at the thought of being with you soon, I feel so happy, my eyes are misting, overflowing with all I feel for you. We are so close, just a few days away from being all we’ve spoken of on here.

Erin:

I have never come across such a romantic and kind hearted man as you, Sam. I know I couldn’t ask anything more of you. I’m trying to be strong, yet I’m so anxious, please be patient with me.

Sam:

I’d be really disappointed if you still have any concerns about me, especially now. To be honest I find it hard to reconcile what we feel for each other with being on here, we don’t need this site surely?

Erin:

We will have to sort something out that is for sure, something that is good for both of us. I agree that messaging, good as it is, is not enough.

Sam:

Oh please don’t get too enthusiastic, I might actually think you are keen to meet!  Amazing after all you’ve said to me. I thought we were there, but it seems just nearly.

Erin:

Sam, please, it doesn’t help you being sarcastic with me. It’s really not something I appreciate, okay!

Sam:

Is that really the best you have to offer?

Erin:

I’m sorry, Sam, I don’t mean to be difficult. I love what we have here. I guess I can be immature at times. You know so much more about life than me, you see things how they are but I still have things to learn. I hope you won’t give up on us and that you’ll guide me to you.

Sam:

I won’t give up on us but you do need to accept that we need to get off this site and keep in touch directly. I realise it took a lot for you to admit you may have things to learn, we both have, not least to have complete faith in each other.

Erin:

Well, yes, I can see that but I am not willing to come off of this site until we have met up in person.

Sam: 

Erin, our future is in your hands. It’s up to you now to do the right thing for us. We are not strangers yet you treat me like one. It’s time we moved on, one way or another?

Erin:

I am not treating you like a stranger, you know I’m not. That is quite a hurtful remark for you to make, Sam. Just be a little patient with me, please, I’m asking for just a little more time.

#13 Their Days: Exposure – Almost there

Sunday

Sam:

Erin, I’ll hold you to that, and every inch of me. It will be so wonderful to see you, the woman I believe you are. I can’t stop smiling at the thought of being with you soon. My heart is thumping as I write, we are so close, just a week away from being all we dreamed. This is our time now; we each deserve to be happy, to be in each other’s arms.

Erin:

Your message really has made me feel somewhere between laughing with sheer happiness and crying with emotion. Sam, I don’t know what you are doing to me but I can’t get you out of my head. I fancy you something rotten but at the same time you have become my friend – there’s no one who understands me the way you do. I know that being in your arms will feel where I belong. I can only hope you feel the same.

Sam:

I feel as though I’m walking on air, in a world with only you. You to me are beyond a dream. I ache beyond belief to see you, to hold you close, to kiss your lips. Where I belong is where you are – my future entwined with yours.

Erin:

I think you are too good to be true, I don’t mean that in a horrible way though. I just mean I have never known anyone like you. It does feel a lot like a dream, as if it can’t be real that a man like you exists, that a man like you wants me.

Sam:

I’m real, I’m yours. I exist to be with you, to share your life, as your man, your friend, as whatever you need of me. Another week, I hope and pray it will be the last I have without you. My only wish, my one desire, is to make you happy. We have a future, a good one – please let’s make sure we happen.

Erin:

Do you really believe we can bring that much happiness into one another’s lives. I know that I am happy now but can it really last?

Sam:

It can and will Erin. Be strong, hold on, till next weekend then I’ll be strong enough for both of us and you will see that, yes, all this has been worth it, and yes we are really meant to be. Do not weaken, we have almost reached out far enough to touch each other, just imagine how wonderful that will be! Put your trust in your feelings for me, as I do yours for me. I am absolutely putting my faith in you to bring us together.

Erin:

I will be strong in the knowledge that you are there both with me and for me. I’m sure that all this will be well worth the wait. I keep having to pinch myself to make sure that I’m not just in a lovely dream.

Sam:

I so want to be with you, every day of waiting now is almost too much to bear. I am absolutely committed to you; you are my girl, my perfect woman. I would like to start my life afresh with you, us as a couple, sharing life together in every way.

Erin:

Heavens that is such a powerful statement to make and I feel a little nervous to be honest. I do want you as much as I have said I do but I do worry that you are putting too much in to us. Have you even thought of the possibility that when we meet I may not be what you have conjured up in your head and then you would feel let down. I am sorry if I sound a bit negative but I really do need you to keep your feet on the ground.

Sam:

I understand what you are saying Erin, I do see where you are coming from. I realise that for you our romance is something you hope for but until we meet is not a given. But you know Erin there is no way you could let me down, as you say I know you, you have become my friend too as well as the woman I adore. When we meet, nothing that I see or hear from you could ever change that. What lies ahead for us will be good I’m certain, and you are right, we’ll take it step by step, date by date and enjoy the pleasure of being with each other.

Erin:

I know, I feel the same, but I really want to make sure that this is real and not just the first flush of a new relationship. I want this to work and not be a fool again.

#15 Their Days: Indiscretion – A walk in the park

21st Nov’17 – Please note that this, the first of the ‘Indiscretion’ posts has been renumbered (#15) due to the addition of two ‘Exposure’ posts ( #13 & #14).

Wednesday

As Amy ran, he held the lift doors open. “Sixth floor please,” she said, her pulse rate normal, her face unflushed. They ascended in silence, his face creased with the aftermath of a grin. She’d seen him before, of that Amy was sure. The lift gave a slight judder, then the doors opened, he held back… as a gentleman, as an Englishman would. Well he’s definitely British, not Welsh though, too silent, Scottish, the grin, maybe not, what the hell, let’s find out she thought. “Good morning, thank you for holding the lift for me”. He nodded and walked beside her to their common destination.

Inside the glass sided room Sam stood, rocking from foot to foot.  He couldn’t bear to wait for anything or anyone, a flaw, one of few he allowed to be seen. Exactly on time Amy entered, they exchanged kisses, both cheeks and to her surprise, Sam hugged her, albeit lightly. He never did that, unless… she needed his protection.

“Amy, Doctor Styles” Sam corrects himself “may I introduce Professor Claudio Almanti, head of the UN Task Group coordinating our more discrete activities.”

Amy’s eyes pinged, from Sam to the tall slim Italian, and back. “What the hell is going on” she thought as she replied “Good morning, Professor Almanti, I believe we have met before?”

“Please take a seat, Doctor Styles, indeed we have, and I don’t mean in the lift.” Amy did as asked, though annoyed at his abruptness, and all the more so to see that damn grin crease his face again.

Sam, sat anti-clockwise with, Almanti, clockwise to her. Both men face to face, at arm’s length across the round table, her future in their hands.  And so it began, the end she never allowed herself to think of.

Less than an hour later, Amy and Sam walked slowly in Regents Park, London’s bustle ever near. Amy held his arm, he let her, he wanted her to; she at least knew that. They stopped and as if completely natural, briefly kissed, for the first time ever on their lips. Now they had to talk.

“Amy, believe me, you are ready, more than ready; you are beyond any need of me.”

Amy, agitated, demanded “Sam are you ill, are you not telling me something, there is something not right here, why are you giving up working with me, I thought we were the perfect team?”

“You are perfect, Amy, it’s time for you to lead a field team. Not quite as we were, two Brits doing things our way, but, as Claudio put it, to be seen to work in a more collective European way; while still hard wired to the Americans. You know the way this game is played.”

“But…” before she could continue Sam placed his left hand index finger on her lips… she looked him straight in the eyes as she moved it down to her third blouse button, the top two undone.  If he blinked she missed it, he stared her out, let his finger find her skin, three buttons undone now.

Sam filled the silence. “You have the authority, the reputation, the energy; hell you even speak most of their languages. The Germans want you, the French love you, the Italians, well, you know how they feel about you.  I’ve never known Claudio quite so nervous. Sure he hides it, apart from that grin and a slip of manners. Amy, he needs you, I need you, it’s vital you accept. You will won’t you?”

Sam sighs as he remembers when she first cast her spell. His finger feels a flutter from her heart.  Amy sighs too, and then her heart stills as she remembers the tall Italian asking overly informed questions in Canada last autumn. That conference a front, a means to get a particular set of skills together, in full view, yet unobserved. No one takes much notice when scientists do their thing.

“Sam, you’ve never talked to me like this, you make out I’m your equal when we both know no one is. And you’ve never been like this with me. Don’t get me wrong, you are a breath of fresh air, just about the only man who didn’t try to use his status to touch me up… stop smiling, you’re making me blush. Seriously, Sam, you’ve always been a gentleman, even when I didn’t want you to be. You must know how I feel about you, you do don’t you? It’s why I reacted the way I did about Erin… sorry.”

“Amy, as I just said you’re perfect, a little headstrong maybe… don’t roll those gorgeous eyes at me… oh go on then … my God you’re beautiful.”

“Sam, don’t stop, please don’t stop, don’t let me go… hang on… you just said I’m beautiful… fuck you Sam… hey…”

Sam took her breath, his finger stroked her breast… fluidic activation of her willing body.

Her mind gave up a gesture “Is this because of Greenland, when you first saw my nanoprobes … stop it Sam … you’re laughing at me …what’s going on?”

Sam kissed her, slowly, gently, parted her lips, let their tongue tips touch, no words could ever say so much.

 

EDC Shorts: lines – ‘prose’ – poetry #11

It’s not like they’ll ever meet

 

He sent the emails, he knew, he shouldn’t have. Well, more in reply to hers, she’d hit him unexpectedly, early morning watching some old film starring, he can’t remember who. In truth a film he hardly saw, too caught up in chasing her with words. All he said was he missed her, her beauty her quirky ways … and that she was special, and other things he’d said before, come on, where did he go wrong?

Within the hour she’d sent back photos, quite a few, most innocent, except one or two. The pole in her bedroom, okay, he guessed she exercised, but the tattoo, the last letter of his name clipping her pantie line. Had to be seen to be believed and yes right then he wanted to. He craved to trace the inked label, even though six thousand miles away, his night, her afternoon. A bit of fun, okay, taken a bit too far, no real harm done. It’s not like they’ll ever meet.

He played it cool, sent back ‘Looking good!’

She followed up ‘I’m on my way.’

On the way to where, he grinned, so up himself he thought his words were that good. Reality sank in, bloody hell she’s coming to the UK! No worries, he thinks, how can she know where I live.

‘Hi, just arrived, I’m in a taxi, found your address on Goggle, I’ll be there in half an hour.’

Internet liaisons … be careful what you wish for and what you leave out there.

#12: Exposure – Saying too much

Thursday

Sam:

I absolutely love it when you loosen up and show more of yourself to me. There is so much of you I long to see. I want to come to know your ways, the things that turn you on, and be as one with you.

Erin:

I am glad that you like this side to me and this if I am honest is probably the most open I’ve ever been with anyone. You excite me and at the same time I feel comfortable with you. But I have to say sometimes I turn to the dark side if you should call it that, when I have had grief from people about being on here. I confess it may have been a bad idea to have told some of my friends as much as I have. We know what we have and that is all that should matter isn’t it?

Sam:

Erin, what matters is us, how we got to know each other is irrelevant. It happens to be on here, so what. There is absolutely nothing wrong with us, we are getting to know each other so well, our inner thoughts and yes our moods. We’ve had a head start, we’ve grown to trust and have faith in each other, and no matter what your friends might think, and yes I can understand their misplaced concerns, they don’t know me as you do, and perhaps don’t know you as I do. I’m ready are you?

Erin:

I know it shouldn’t matter but I don’t like people judging me and looking down their noses when we’ve done nothing wrong. It just angers me a bit that’s all. Nobody is perfect but they seem to think they can pass judgement on us. I really get stressed out when things like that cross my mind.

 

Friday

Sam:

I keep trying to write, something, anything, which could make a difference. That could make you see there is no harm in me. That there is no reason for us not to have a coffee and activate the chemistry between us face to face. I just don’t have the words, least not on here, to overcome your doubts, your fears. That’s what all this ‘friends’ talk is about really isn’t it? As long as we’re on here we’ll not amount to anything, and you’ll have proved your friends right. But if you can show your happiness from the moment that we meet and the ways we find to share our lives, they’ll realise against all odds the joy of you and me.

Erin:

Oh please do not say that we will not come to anything, as can you not see how heart broken and angry I am with myself. I do not need to hear that you are as well as that would be torture for me. All I want to do is make you happy and have you be proud of me, but I am too scared. Do you know how I hate myself right now.

Sam:

Erin, I hope you’re home safe, no matter how you feel about yourself right now, no matter what your friends have said that has hurt you so deeply, you are and always will be a very special woman to me. My heart is not broken and nor should yours be. My feelings for you are as they have always been, and always will be, you are an irreplaceable vital part of me. If you feel anger then use it to give you strength to set free the loving caring woman I know you to be, if not for me, then for yourself. And be sure of this, I’d be proud to stand by you, as my friend, my soul-mate and my lover, to be any one of these or all, would make me happy.

Erin:

You are the most adoring and gentle man, you’re everything I hoped, I imagined the perfect man could be. Just give me a little time and I will make you feel so proud for me to be your woman.

 

Saturday

Sam:

Hello Erin, how’s your weekend going? I hope you and your friends are seeing eye to eye again, I really do. I would not want to be the cause of any animosity between them and you, a man on the internet, a man you’ve never seen. How could they grasp all we feel, how could they understand the way fate worked for me and you. How we met on here a mystery, a miracle. I just know we are meant to be, but how could they? How could they know how long ago I fell for you. If only they could see how good I am for you and you are for me?

Erin:

That’s just the point. They only see you as a man on the internet, suspect, even dangerous, like the man who badly hurt me. They don’t understand our relationship or our feelings for each other. Too bad, they will just have to accept that it’s my life and my choice.

Sam:

I obviously touched a nerve asking how things were between you and your friends. I’m not too sure from your reply exactly what it is that you have told them and what you need them to accept as you choice of how to live? That you have been deeply hurt has long been obvious to me, I won’t dwell on this unless you want to talk about it? I do want you to feel free to talk to me about anything at all. You know I’ll always listen and believe in you. It goes without saying I wish we were together. That you’d let me help you smile, and laugh, and even cry, to just be yourself and know that all I’ll ever want from you is to be the woman I know you are.

Erin:

No, let’s not dwell on it. It’s one friend in particular thinks she knows everything. Let’s focus on us and being happy and my friends will see that I am happy and that’s what should matter to them, right? I love that you are a part of my life; you are the right man for me. I am ready Sam, let’s make next weekend the beginning of everything for us.

 

[EDC Writing©2017 – Their Days]