#10: Exposure – So much to talk about

Saturday

Sam:

And you are telling me what exactly?

Erin:

I’ve been looking after a friend, a girlfriend, who was once my lover. The night of the Saturday you came home from Greenland we were forced off the road; the car rolled for what seemed forever. I had just a few cuts and bruises, my friend not so lucky, concussed and broken ribs. I’ve had to deal with her being in hospital and the police, and to help her recover she moved in with me. I couldn’t leave her on her own and I couldn’t tell you; I wasn’t sure you’d understand?

Sam:

I’m numb. I have no words I trust myself to use.

Erin:

I don’t know what to say now. I’ve been so nervous waiting to hear from you. I’m frightened that you are going to walk away. I need you to stick with me. We can keep going, can’t we?

Sam:

The thing is you do not need me to keep going. When all is said and done, I have a flaw – I am a man. You do not need me as a lover, you have one and she’s a woman.

Erin:

Please, Sam, be the man I’ve always hoped you are. Yes, it’s taken a long time for me to realise, but I definitely want you and in every way possible. I’ve done nothing wrong, just held back that I’m a little different. I like men and women, some men like that.

Sam:

Done nothing wrong?  I am sorry, but how can you say that? You’ve said so much of me being a part of your life, yet you kept me at arm’s length while going through this. What of your female lover? Are you sure you want a man? Are you really going to go straight for me because I do not want to share you.

Erin:

I can’t become straight; it doesn’t work like that. I’m bisexual, it’s in my DNA. Come on, Sam, you’re the scientist, you should know that. When I am with someone male or female I am committed to them, and I choose to be with that one person exclusively. If we decided to do that then I would be with you.

Sam:

This is so crazy, so absolutely mad; I need to know what you expect of me.

Erin:

I know how you feel, and you know how I feel. The only thing that remains to be seen is if I am worth the trouble you obviously think I’ll be for you. No matter how right I believe we are for each other, my life is more complicated than most. I can’t change that. If you felt the way you say you do about me you would understand and accept me, no matter what the circumstances.

 

Sunday

Sam:

Deep within you there is a place of peace; breathe slow and easy and you will find it: where your heart and mind can meet to show your truest feelings. Relax and close your eyes, let your worries float away to leave you as one with your passions and desires. If I am there with you, in any shape or form, there is a chance for us. If I am nowhere to be seen or felt within you then sadly the day has come for you to let me go. I have done this often and you are always in me. I see you all the time, but I ask you to honestly tell me if I am in you too.

Erin:

I tell you honestly, Sam, you are in my heart and I never want to lose you. It is you I wake up thinking about, you who I eat lunch with and think about, and you who I go to bed dreaming about.

Sam:

We have so much to talk about. Time and circumstance are not our friends but for both our sake I want us to work. I so want to hold your hand, strange man that I am.

Erin:

No, you are not strange at all. Holding hands and giving each other a little squeeze is what I need more than anything right now. I just worry about being in your world and yes you being in mine too; us being over before we’ve begun. We will both have to be so careful and take care to make us work. We will get our time, I am sure of that.

 

[EDC Writing©2017 – Their Days – posted Monday & Wednesday]

#9: Exposure – Need to tell you something

Wednesday

Sam:

I fear this could be too little too late? My heart is screaming at my mind, what have you done, she is the one. My head is throbbing fit to burst, but slowly a warm flow is reaching that awful cold place my man logic erupted from. I cannot promise it will not happen again, but my heart now has me firmly in its grasp. It does not want to risk losing you again.

Erin:

You have had me in agony waiting for your reply. I want you and only you. Your heart is right, ignore your doubts. You can’t truly love if you have doubt in your heart. There is no doubt in mine.

Sam:

I felt so tense opening your reply and so completely overwhelmed by what you said; I keep re-reading to be sure of the implication of your words. I’ve been so selfish; I do not think I had ever taken in just how deep your feelings for me are. I always hoped but never thought you could feel the same way about me as I do for you. I need you, Erin, I always will.

Erin:

Your message has brought tears to my eyes. I’m being silly now, aren’t I? I just feel so strongly for you.

Sam:

You are not being silly; our hearts know better than our minds what we are to each other and become so frustrated with us that they are letting our bodies know through tears and aches in need to be relieved places. My body is tingling as I type, my senses so heightened at the thought of your touch, the whole of me so wanting the whole of you.

Erin:

You are such a romantic – I absolutely love it and everything you have said. I pray once I am in your arms and we are looking into each other’s eyes, everything will be perfect for us.

 

Thursday

Sam:

There is not a day you are not in my thoughts; you are a part of me. You are the one who opened up my heart and showed me how to feel. I realise I’ve made mistakes, that I suffocated you with emotion, that I did not give you room to breathe. I hardly let myself breathe. I know very little but sense and feel so much. You are real and out there somewhere, I am out there too and always will be for you.

Erin:

You are just unbelievably good at this, aren’t you? I so don’t understand why you have not been snapped up and appreciated in the way I intend to. Let’s just take things slowly, Sam, and you’ll not regret it, I promise.

Sam:

I can only wonder what is so wrong, so sensitive in your life that you need to be so cautious. It’s what you mean by slowly, I know. Still, I have your promise and sense it’s not given lightly.

Erin:

I know the onus is on me to change this, and I will as soon as humanly possible. Until then I ask you to please trust your senses, and your well-placed judgement and feelings for me.

 

Friday

Sam:

I do not want to lose you. There have been too many words, too many feelings, too many tears, for us to fail now. I do not want to hurt you, and I do not want any more misunderstandings. I know I want you, but how? You hold all the cards, yet they’re now so shuffled out of suits I think you do not know how to deal them. There are only two that matter: a knave and his queen, his reason to gamble that one day she will share her world with him, her king. I’ll say no more for now, and trust to fate, and the hand she gives.

Erin:

That was so well said, please hold on to your belief in me; I have come too far to ruin everything. Sam, I pray so much that all this is real. I am scared, but I need to tell you something that you need to know.

Sam:

Don’t be scared, Erin, there’s not a thing you could say or show me that would ever make me feel other than I do. You are and always will be the woman I desire.  I just know we’ll get on fine, share endless laughs and pleasures, and that we’ll both have similarly sensually mischievous minds. You never cease to touch me when you show my words touch you. Please tell me whatever you feel I need to know, and while I wait I’ll ask you, in the time honoured old-fashioned way, to step out of the shadows and walk a while with me.

Erin:

Your words have wrecked me. I can’t stop crying; no one in my life has ever touched me as you have. Sam, the only thing I want to say is yes, but first I have to lay myself open to you.

Sam:

Erin, it’s now very late, and I’m tired, but I will not end this day until I give you a chance to say what you feel you need to.  I guess there is a man involved in some way?

Erin:

You have got it wrong, Sam, it’s not a man, it’s a woman.

 

[EDC Writing©2017 – Their Days – posted Monday & Wednesday]

#8: Exposure – If only this was easier

Tuesday

Sam:

Hi, Erin, I’m at Heathrow, just waiting for a taxi. Should be home in about an hour. Do you want to meet up? I don’t mind where. It’ll be easier to talk face to face, don’t you think? Hope to see you later.

Erin:

Sam, lol, your timing; I’m waiting for a friend to call me back. I’ll probably stay with her tonight. I just need someone to hold me, and to get a little drunk with. I’m not coping too well on my own. Good to hear you are home though.

 

Wednesday

Sam:

Good to hear I’m home? You are completely confusing me! I am trying to help you but you do not seem to need it? I thought we had something, yet you can’t wait even a day for me. You’ve got me thinking!

Erin:

Can you just slow down a bit. I am feeling really overwhelmed with all that’s going on and I need to be with someone I know, that’s all. Look, Sam, you are getting too heavy too fast, and I can’t cope right now, okay.

Sam:

I really feel for you, you know that. Whatever’s going on in your life right now, little if anything, seems good. I can’t say I understand because you’ve still not told me anything. We have something good, don’t we?

Erin:

I really don’t know what we have if I am being honest. I think I have feelings for you, but I can’t deal with them right now. I’m feeling pressured and I hate that. You are truly a great guy but I just feel, I am so sorry to say this, that you are suffocating me. I just want things to slow way down. Please give me space to sort myself out. Sorry.

 

Thursday

Sam:

Where did that come from?  It was only a couple of days ago that you said you don’t want to be given space and now I’m suffocating you? Not for the first time, you’re not making much sense to me. We both know that we need to move forward and for me it needs to be this week.

Erin:

Okay, well, I am reading that and thinking you are not really as into this as I am. Yes, I know that we have to move to the next step and that’s what we’re trying to do, aren’t we? If only it could be a bit easier, that’s all!

Sam:

I sense real desperation in you which makes me so annoyed with myself that I have clearly failed to earn your trust.  Such a shame as talking to me would be easier than you seem to think. Believe it or not I am the kind of man who listens, the kind of man you will have never spoken to before.

Erin:

I do find it hard to open up about problems but that is because I have had it thrown back in my face before. I’m sure you are trustworthy, but maybe it is my own courage that’s the problem?

 

Friday

Sam:

We both appear to be struggling. I try to be a decent man for you but admit I find my self-respect waning being on a site like this.  My mind says you are unable to give, yet my heart says otherwise.

Erin:

Okay, cards on the table. I want to be with you; I mean everything I say to you, but I also feel pressured by you at the moment into moving on so hurriedly! It’s not really your fault I am feeling pressured, it’s in me to react to pressure so I apologise for that.  But please understand, I am not having a go at you, I am just asking you to let me sort myself out, in my time. I will be with you, I promise you that.

Sam:

Sometimes I wonder if you actually believe some of the seemingly credible excuses you come up with. Why don’t you simply have the decency to say that you enjoy the fantasy of messaging and that though you may believe it at the time, when it comes to the reality of commitment in any form, you are incapable of showing it. I feel such a fool to have let you mislead me.

Erin:

I am not at all sure how I respond to that message! Nobody is saying you are a fool, but you are not truly giving me the time and space I need. I keep telling you I hate being pushed, but you keep on doing it. Please don’t be like this; I hate that you think I don’t trust you because I do. I promise you, it will all be worth the wait, and one day we will laugh about this.

 

Saturday

Sam:

My heart is leaking you, my every nerve on edge as I tell you that I am not able to go on like this. This site for you is a sanctuary; for me it is a prison. I have said and done all I can to bring us together but failed. Erin, there is nothing else I can do. To stay on here would be torture. You probably cannot see it but you are pushing me away, pushing me beyond the limits of what I can take.

Erin:

Come on, please don’t be like that. I didn’t realise you feel I am pushing you away; this is just madness. We have a good thing here; I don’t want it to end.  I really care for you, and will make it happen soon. That is if you still want me?

 

Sunday

Sam:

I am not going to message for a while. Maybe if you re-read your messages you’ll see what I see, someone who cannot bring herself to give anything for us. Your reasons, no doubt good ones, but I wouldn’t know.

Erin:

Okay, well go then! Honestly, I am totally gutted that you can just leave me like this!

 

[EDC Writing©2017 – Their Days – posts on Monday & Wednesday]

#7: Exposure – Somethings wrong

Friday

Sam:

Hi, Erin, I got back home as the sun rose and had to head straight for the garden. I’m so in need of colour, familiar sights and sounds; most of all I need to be back in touch with you. I felt my face brushed by a breeze and wondered if it had touched you too. Maybe I’m just a little crazy… missing you. These past ten days… well, mostly nights, have been quite surreal. Every time I closed my eyes and slipped into a sometimes troubled sleep, I felt you come to me, hold me close and ease away my fears. Perhaps it was just my wishful thinking, yet when I woke to find you weren’t there, I sensed you near, as if an angel waiting, to come down again to me. Somehow I know that you are well, but I’ll ask you all the same – how are you? How have you been?

Erin:

Hello, stranger, I’ve been very well, thank you. It sounds to me as if you feel as I do, that you have been away for far too long. To be in your arms, my body close to yours, feeling your warm hands and breath on me would be my idea of heaven. I’m a little too naughty to be an angel… hmm, I like the idea of coming down on you. What are you doing at the weekend? And please don’t say you are going to be disappearing again.

Sam:

Hello, you, I’ve missed your cheeky ‘hmm’s. I’ll be around a while, apart from maybe the odd day or two. As for this weekend, no plans other than to be free and easy, exposing myself in every way to the joys of English weather; immersing myself in nature’s palate. No doubt I’ll have a glass or two of wine and let my every sense go where they need to. How about you?

Erin:

Oh, you know, it crossed my mind to spend some time with you.

 

Saturday

Sam:

Can you believe it? I fell asleep and didn’t see your message until the small hours of this morning. I had to get up as I was just too restless. I’ve not showered at three am before but, it’s weird, I feel as if I need to be ready for something? I should have had the nerve to tell you my every sense needs me to be with you this weekend. You’ve blown my mind saying you want this too,  but I can’t help thinking something’s wrong. Are you okay, Erin?

Erin:

Oh, Sam, thank God I’ve managed to catch you on here. I’ve just popped home to freshen up and get a few things; I’ve been at the hospital all night. Sorry – got to rush, I’ll tell you about it later when things have calmed down a bit.

Sam:

Hey, Erin, what’s happened? Look, just let me know if you need anything, anything at all, okay? A kind voice, a silent presence, someone to kick and scream at, a hand to hold, arms to hug you, a shoulder to lean on… Just remember you are not alone; no matter what you’re going through I’ll be there for you.

Erin:

Thank you so much for saying that, just knowing that you are here and that you care is making this a little easier for me. Sometimes I think I am being laughed at from a great height and it feels too much. I am so glad I have you, Sam.

 

Sunday

Sam:

How are you this morning, Erin? You must have been awake most the night. You only need to ask and I will come to you. Maybe today you’d like to talk?

Erin:

Hello, Sam, you are right; it was a long and lonely night. I could have done with some strong arms around me and a warm body to cuddle. You are lovely and I know you are only trying to help, but it is just so hard talking about personal things when you feel you should be coping and you really aren’t.

Sam:

I can see it’s enough for you that I am here and I’ll not push. I’m sending out every vibe I can to try and touch you.

Erin:

Oh, Sam, I wish you knew just how wonderful you are and how much you lift my spirits. You truly are my rock. Somehow you understand me like no one else does.

 

Monday

Sam:

Another day, and I’m not sure what to say other than how are you? I guess it would seem strange if I just turned up to be with you. Now is obviously not the time to try and explain our relationship to anyone. I can’t help but be very worried about you and all you are going through. Perhaps it would be for the best for me to give you more space to cope with things in your own way?

Erin:

Yes, some people would probably think that we have a strange relationship, but I don’t care about that. I don’t really want to be given space if that means I won’t hear from you as I’d hate that. Try not to be worried about me as I don’t want to be a burden on you.

Sam:

You could never be a burden to me, please don’t ever think that. Crap timing as ever, I’ve been asked to be in Brussels on Tuesday to report back on what I got up to in Greenland. I’ve been booked on a flight this afternoon, but I will be back tomorrow night, I promise.

Erin:

I really do believe that you are the one in a million man that every woman believes is out there for her but never thinks that she will come across. Well, I have been lucky enough to find you. I know that you care and want to help me, but you must go and do your thing. I’ll be okay and as you said I do need to deal with things in my own way. I’ll tell you all about it when you get back.

 

[EDC Writing©2017 – Their Days – posted on Monday & Wednesday]

#6: Exposure – Greenland

Greenland

With hail ricocheting off the wing, backsides bouncing on their seats, her hand gripping his, painted nails digging in, not daring to breathe, let alone speak, his brain exclaims shit, how’s this thing still flying?! As wheels touch the ground and spent air is released through every orifice he strains to hear her breathless whisper. “Sorry, Sam, your fingers are bleeding.”

Sam grins as he looks at his deeply scarred hand. “When I said get a grip I didn’t mean quite so literally! At least this one is already ugly.” Amy gives his hand a kiss; a trace of Sam’s blood merges with her lipstick.

Both give a nervous laugh as the pilot nonchalantly announces, “Welcome to Kangerlussuaq International Airport, gateway to the Greenland ice-cap.”

With all formalities done on board, they step out into the lacerating cold, wind whipping hail almost horizontally. They bend into it as they stride the five hundred or so paces towards the blue frontage of the yellow signed Arctic Venture Air-Ice Laboratory. Its sheltered door opens to reveal a beaming smile and a Nordic accented, “Welcome to AVAIL.”

Sam introduces Amy to Liv, the resident project coordinator, though to everyone who stays here, she’s known as the Angel of the Ice. “We are pleased to have you here, Doctor Styles. Professor Nighy, of course I know well – I wish you luck!” Amy throws a knowing look at Sam, who, with a smile, shakes his head at Liv. “Ha, I see you know him well enough. Good as I have to ask you to share a room.” With a mischievous glance at their widening eyes she adds, “But with two beds of course. That is okay, yes?”

Amy quickly responds, “No problem at all.”

“Of course, Liv,” Sam replies, and with raised eyebrows continues, “Amy, no candid camera shots, okay?”

Liv and Amy burst out laughing and exchange knowing looks.

The thud of back packs being off loaded from a pick-up truck move them on, Liv watching with affection, the wayward genius and the animated young woman who so obviously adores him. They find their packs, steaming in the hall and drag them into their room, number four.  With their overnight things laid out, hers neatly, his…well, the opposite, they head for the communal kitchen, both starving.  Their luck’s in: the local crew have knocked up spaghetti bolognaise as there’s a full house tonight, all new arrivals –  French, German, Canadian and American, the latter all from NASA.

Sitting round in twos and threes, introducing, enquiring, and above all listening, the game all scientists play is on. Sam, the master, times to perfection his “hello” and “see you later”  as he moves about. His reputation within their world invites him in, and his charm and wit engages. Being British is his trump card; he plays them all to win.  He takes in everything, as heard and how it’s said, reading bodies, sensing vibrations from minds that have no idea he’s picking, extracting, sifting to give his the sharpest edge.

He spots Amy out of the corner of his eye, and can’t resist a smile. Amy, the natural distractor, eyed up by all, male and female tonight, it seems. Her charms are more obvious – the way she moves, the way she touches ever so briefly, and he is not immune. He says he loves her mind, the quick and lateral way it works; their chemistry says much more.

In the everlasting light time moves on with no sign other than the heaviness of eyes. Amy takes the lead, dissuades all carnal simmerings with a “With him” when asked which room she’s sleeping in.

Sam whispers, “Well done, though not sure you’ve done my reputation much good.”

Amy cups her hand to his ear and breathes, “You should be so lucky. We need to go, make our excuses.”

Sam yawns. “Time to turn in, an early start and all that. Goodnight all.”

Back in their room, Sam locks the door, then rubs his hands excitedly. “Right, get them out; let’s have a good look at them.”

“Hey, steady on!  Oh, you mean the devices.” A red-faced Amy bends and retrieves a multi-pack of gum from her lap-top bag underneath her bed. She unwraps a stick, and passes it to him.

Sam can’t stop grinning. “Brilliant.” He sees instantly the practicality of the disguise … insulation, protection, adhesion, gaseous permeability, and white.

“Just don’t forget and chew the damn things, okay? We don’t want to be analysing you for explosive emissions, do we!” Amy teases him, as she basks in his single word acknowledgement of her ingenuity.

Sam holds the gum stick at arm’s length, end-on, breathing deeply, as he rotates himself slowly in the natural light streaming through the window from a now windless grey-blue sky. Half a turn made, a faint pulse, a flicker, the nano-probe senses something. He nods his head, and she gasps. “What the hell have you eaten?” He looks at her, his face unreadable. He’ll never tell her, but she’ll find out; she knows this device’s secrets.

Three am it starts, a strangulated guttural sound, “Mad … Mad … Mad …” Her name … Madeline, part suffocated in his pillow. It’s three years since the nightmares began, three years since he lost her. An accidental fire, no one’s fault, the investigation concluded. Sam’s never believed it. He blames himself; he did not do enough. His scars say otherwise. Those on his body have healed, those inside are still weeping.

Amy stands over him, naked. Her instincts take over; she lifts the duvet and spoons herself against him, her lips upon his ear, gently easing words in, bringing calmness to him, as she’s done before, departing before the man he’ll let the world see awakens, with no memory of the night, save a tingle in his ear every time that she is near.

Standing in the shower, Amy’s tears flow away unseen, her vulnerability exposed unashamedly. Her muscles tense as her lips just want to scream how could he?! She’s surrendered everything to be with him, clinging on in hope that the day will come when he awakes to find her, and that it’s her name on his lips. Her scream breaks free, “Who the hell is Erin?!”

 

[EDC Writing©2017 – ‘Their Days’ – posted on Monday & Wednesday]

 

#5: Awakening – Crazy feelings

Friday

Sam:

I am walking in the rain alone my head bowed heavy with my thoughts, wanting to tell you more than I can, and I will when we are more secure than we are now. There are plenty of men like me and women too. I’ll have one with me – she goes everywhere I go, keeps me out of trouble, so no need to be scared for me. I’m drenched to the skin but do not want to go in, so I’ll stay outside and steam a while with my thoughts of being inside with you.

Erin:

In a minute I’m going to wake up and find that this is all a dream.  No man has ever turned me on the way you do. My imagination is going wild. I need you to go in, to feel how wet I am too.

Sam:

Imagine … you walk towards me hands outstretched. I mirror you. Our fingers touch, hands connect, arms enfold, and we embrace. You nuzzle my neck, and my eyes stream dewdrops on your hair. You look up, your eyes glisten, and moisten me. Our warmth creates a mist, mysterious, breathed in, every tear of joy shed condensed within. Lips dare to kiss, tongue tips touch, silently saying so much. We squeeze up tight …we say hello.

Erin:

You have made my skin come out in goose bumps. I so want the first time we meet to be like this – I so want to be squeezed up close to you.

 

Saturday

Sam:

This afternoon I’m free. I can’t help but feel I should be arm in arm with you, talking, sharing smiles, walking down our local streets, bars and coffee shops inviting us to step in – familiar people pause and stare. Perhaps that’s it – I am asking too much of someone as young and beautiful as you to be seen with a man like me?

Erin:

I guess I am just scared and nervous about the whole thing. The feelings I have for you are truly overwhelming and I am worried that when we do take those steps to meet that you may change your mind and not want a girl like me.

 

Sunday

Sam:

Erin, how could I not want you, in truth I feel as though I’m falling for you, a crazy thing to say I know, but somehow you’ve stroked my heart and opened it, you are flowing through my veins.

Erin:

It’s not crazy at all, you can’t help the way you feel, none of us can. Feelings can be a very strange thing and sometimes shocks us but I do have very strong feelings for you too, and I’ve never even met you!

Sam:

A quiet moment, lying in the sun, muscles stretched, blood flowing where most needed, relaxed, imagination in free fall, every thought of you, your beauty, the unfulfilled pleasure of your company, ever aching, longing for you to be beside me, my toes touching yours, our hearts thumping, our bodies in alignment, my hardness to your softness, eyes alight, the gap between us closes, lips exchange desires and needs , expressed in breathless whispers, intimate caresses, hands tentatively exploring, lips tasting, a prelude to the ultimate… a nice hot cup of tea.

Erin:

“I’m trembling, I don’t know if to laugh or cry, your words touch me in ways I did not think possible, if this is a dream it will be the best dream I have ever had, and if I have to wake, I want to wake with you beside me, to hold you and never let you go.

 

Monday

Sam:

Hi, Erin, did you sleep well? I got up early and am now at the airport.  It’s 6.30 am and we are about to go to the departure gate. You are so worth waiting for – I’m sure of how I feel. At least I’ll have my dreams of you in the never ending daylight nights.

Erin:

Oh, Sam, you take care. I can’t quite believe you’re not here. I’ll be waiting for you, promise.

#4: Awakening – Virgin territory

Sunday

Sam:

Erin, you stir so many things in me, we have to meet and soon. Let’s try to sort something out for next week.

Erin:

I know that we need to meet, and I want to, it’s not just a case of having to, okay? We just need to get the timing right and I’m sorry but next week is not right for me. I can’t help it, I just have too much on. I had no idea we’d get this close this quick when we started this.

Sam:

The thing is, Erin, and I’d thought you would have realised this, I’m only in the UK next week then I’ll be away for a while and won’t be able to keep in touch. Well, at least not on a site like this. Look, I’ll be in London on Tuesday. Why don’t we meet up at lunchtime, just a quick coffee if you like? It would be so good to see you before I go.

Erin:

Excuse me, what kind of message is that? Just what am I supposed to have realised? You’re the one who needs to look, Sam, I’ve told you I can’t meet up with you next week. It feels to me as though you are trying to tell me what to do and I don’t like it. I think you are being very unfair pushing me like this.

 

Monday

Sam:

I didn’t see much point in responding yesterday – we’d have only ended up saying things we’d regret and made things even more difficult than they are. My instincts don’t usually let me down, but you are virgin territory to me. What I felt was a little nudge you took as a hefty push. I can see I will need to handle you with the most gentle and sensual touch.

Erin:

You are so good at this, aren’t you, making me feel bad for what I said then making me laugh? ‘Virgin territory’, you silly sod, but then you get me wondering just how unique a man like you could be?

Sam:

You don’t have to wonder, Erin, but you’ll have to wait to find out as you can’t make this week. I’ll be off again from next Monday for a couple of weeks, maybe longer – it’s hard to tell until I get out there. What’s keeping you so busy that you don’t even have time for a coffee? I’m not having a dig, I’d genuinely like to know.

Erin:

You may not think you are having a dig but it feels a bit like it to me. It’s obviously not helping with you going away again – it’s putting pressure on both of us. I know you are just wanting coffee and a chat to begin with. I think that is a great idea, but please can we keep chatting on here and sort something out when you get back?

Sam:

You’re probably right. I guess we could wait a few weeks to meet, but something has to happen.  A phone call, or even an e-mail? Surely you can see that?

Erin:

I know what you are saying, but it is different for women and I’m not comfortable giving out my personal information until we meet. I’ve had a bad experience in the past and I’m now extra cautious, so I hope you can understand my need to feel safe . It’s not you, it’s just the way I am.

 

Wednesday

Sam:

Hello, Erin, I was in London yesterday and what with one thing and another I didn’t have time to message you, so don’t go thinking I didn’t understand what you said. I did and I’m okay with it. Time is getting very tight for me – I haven’t done a field trip quite like this one for a while, and let’s just say the preliminaries are quite demanding. At least I passed the medical yesterday. How’s life for you?

Erin:

Oh my goodness, you really are going away, aren’t you? I hadn’t really taken it in to be honest. Is it really going to be for weeks? I don’t know what to say.  I’m quite upset. You’ll think me silly, but I can’t bear the thought of not hearing from you. Please don’t leave me alone on here.

 

Thursday

Sam:

Erin, what can I say? This is how my life is. I thought you knew that from the start.  I have no ties, no responsibilities to anyone, and I come and go as I’m asked. I can’t just stop, even if I wanted to. Look, I’ve been straight with you – where I’m going is far too remote to be able to log on to a site like this. I know I’m sounding blunt. I don’t mean to, but I do need you to realise we’ll need to move off of here if you want the chance of a relationship with me.

Erin:

I can’t believe you sent me that. You sound so cold and detached, and again you are trying to impose your will on me. It seems I got you wrong and you are not the man I imagined you to be .Oh well.

Sam:

Oh, Erin, why be like this? I just want to have a way of keeping in touch with you, that’s all. Is that really too much to ask? Cold and detached? You must be psychic, as I will be, but not in the way you think. I fly to Reykjavik on Sunday then on to Greenland.  Though it’s June the weather is bad right now, but if we can the plan is to move on to the ice cap by Wednesday. So hostile to begin, then sheer beauty shining through. How about you?

Erin:

My head is pounding, Sam. I can’t take all of this in. I am so unsure what to do, I can’t make sense of some of these feelings I have right now. I can’t stop thinking about you. I keep saying it, but I’ve never known a man like you. I didn’t even know men like you existed. I’m almost too scared to ask, but why do you have to be out there?

 

[EDC Writing©2017 – ‘Their Days’ – posts every Monday & Wednesday]

#3: Awakening – Scientist and a gentleman

Monday

Sam:

Hi, Erin, how are you? Things are moving fast here -work wise, I mean. There is plenty of talk as usual but unusually for a gaggle of scientific experts, open-minded listening too. Decisions are actually going to be made, quite amazing for an EU run thing. Looks like I’m going to be much busier than I expected. Fortunately I’m definitely around next week, speaking of which I’m excited about meeting up with you. What dates do you have in mind? As for your birthday, what are you and your girlfriends getting up to at the weekend, or should a gentleman not ask?

Erin:

Hello, Sam, thank you so much for finding the time to message me. I wasn’t sure you would be able to – I’m so chuffed. The thing is, I now feel guilty. I’m trying but haven’t come up with any dates for us to meet next week. I hope you understand I’m doing my best, so please don’t have a go at me.

 

Tuesday

Sam:

Erin, there was just too much going on out here yesterday for me to reply. I wanted to as I couldn’t understand why you thought I’d have a go at you. If you say you are trying and doing your best, why would I not believe you? Sure I’ll be disappointed if it turns out I can’t see you next week, but why on earth would you think I’d turn on you?

Erin:

Sorry, it’s just what I’m used to from men. Well, most men, when things don’t go their way. I don’t want to disappoint you, Sam, I really don’t, but I’ve got a lot on at the moment at home and at work and I’m not able to even pencil in a date just now. I know I’m going out with the girls on Saturday but that’s been booked up for weeks, and no – a gentleman shouldn’t ask. Hmm, a ‘scientist and a gentleman’ – I wonder, could that play out like ‘An Officer and a Gentleman’, with you whisking me away in your white coat?

Sam:

Hey, you don’t have to justify yourself to me.  Let’s say no more about it and just see where we are when I get back, okay? Your mind’s like quicksilver on here, and your ‘hmm’s keep taking me by surprise, in a good way. Whisk you away? Now there’s a thought. I’ll be popping in to London next week – I’ll bring a lab-coat with me.

Erin:

Sam, I think I’d actually die if you turned up and did the ‘Richard Gere’ thing with me. I’ve got this feeling though that you are the kind of man who would. I’m blushing. How are you doing this to me? We haven’t even met yet.

 

Thursday

Sam:

Hi, Erin, it was manic out here on Wednesday – we wrapped everything up at about nine pm, then our Belgian colleagues found a restaurant for about twenty of us to literally take over, obligatory fillet steaks and pommes frites, and beer, and more beer, and… well, let’s just say I’m glad it’s a short flight home today. Blushing reveals a lot about you – your sensitivity, your barely hidden vulnerability, your ability to show emotions, and apparently those that blush make great lovers! I may not be blushing but I’m certainly smiling as I sign off for now.

Erin:

How do you do this, Sam? You talk to me as if we have known each other for years not just a couple of weeks and with a sore head too. Some of the things you say I’d feel uncomfortable about with anyone else, but somehow it seems alright with you. So you don’t blush? Well, I’ll have to see what I can do about that when you get back.

 

Friday

Sam:

I send my gifts to you as words:

Flowers, their fragile beauty incomparable to yours

A classic fragrance, subtle, heaven scent as you

Lingerie, sensual, your body to adorn

Chocolate, to brush your lips, to taste sublime within

 My thoughts stroked from my heart to yours.

Happy Birthday, Erin, I wish I could give you more.

Erin:

Oh my goodness, Sam, you have brought tears to my eyes. I am so flattered and overwhelmed by your lovely words. I wish I were with you right now to show you how very grateful I am. How could a girl want more than you have given me? Thank you so much, I’m almost speechless. Things like this don’t happen to me.

 

Saturday

Sam:

 Hi Erin, just a quick one, I stayed at a friend’s last night but now back home to a pile of junk mail through my letterbox, a misnomer if ever there was one. Makes me think back to my youth, first teenage girlfriend, met on holiday, she lived hundreds of miles away, our lifeline to write and share the odd phone call, I from the red telephone box at the bottom of the road, she from a phone at home, that seemed posh to me! Her letters I remember most, the first girl to show her feelings for me through her written words. Decades on, another world, written words connect us too, pull us close, enough to touch, to feel something inside, revealed by our reflexive smiles and the atmospherics of our eyes. Have a great night out with your friends… short skirts, low tops and killer heels… or have I got you wrong?

Erin:

Your messages take me to another world, each one shows me a bit more of you, I love it, I really do. If I tried to do the same mine would be rubbish next to yours. If that’s your quick one Sam, I’m going to be a very lucky girl – and yes we will be girly girls tonight!

 

[EDC Writing©2017 – ‘Their Days’ – posts every Monday & Wednesday]

#2: Awakening – Getting to know you

Wednesday

Sam:

You’ll think this a strange thing for me to say, but I feel your presence. Where my thoughts go you go too – us walking bare foot in the grass, our feet anointed by the sea as we stroll along a beach, hands held beneath a sky of blue – I know, I know, too much, too soon – to think of you like this.

Erin:

You know how to give me butterflies, don’t you? I enjoy your thoughts – I have the same sorts of things running through my mind too, though I don’t have the words to capture them as you do.

Sam:

For us to have begun to share our thoughts and feelings means a lot to me. I can’t explain why we feel like this, can you? I’m just glad we do. Perhaps it’s fate, its touch, a chance for us, to… well let’s see?

Erin:

I have a good feeling about us too but lovely as this is let’s not go and get all carried away too soon. Can we just enjoy this moment and take things a little more slowly please?

Sam:

Erin, you are something more than beautiful to me. You permeate my mind, you occupy my dreams. There is no speed control, no neutral – it’s just the way it is.  I sense I could tell you everything of me and you tell me almost nothing in return, yet draw me in, day by day, ever closer to you. Please tell me, however did I get to feel like this? I don’t know a thing about you.

Erin:

Sam, I’ve never known a man who could express his feelings as you do – this really is a first for me. I certainly got more than I bargained for when I messaged you! Oh, and by the way, I don’t see how you can sense I’ll not tell you anything about me – you haven’t asked me anything.  What’s a girl to do?

Thursday

Sam:

Hello, Erin, I guess I’ve been holding back a bit. I didn’t want to seem too pushy. Yes, I’d like to get to know you, who you are, what you do, what makes you tick, if that’s okay with you? As for me, Sam is my given name. I’ve just turned fifty-two and I’m single, but I haven’t always been. I feel like a thirty-year-old in my head but as for the rest of me, I try to keep in shape with a run, a swim and yoga a few days a week. I’m a scientist, and work where and when I’m needed, usually abroad. I’ll be in Brussels next week for a few days, but I should be back by the weekend.

Erin:

Of course you can get to know me. I like that you want to so it’s very okay. You now intrigue me even more. You look much younger and I can see you’re in good shape. Your job sounds important – it must be exciting jetting off to work. I’m not as clever as you obviously are – I do admin for a charity and the most I get to travel is in to London every day.  I’m free and single and will be out with the girls next weekend to celebrate my birthday!

Friday

Sam:

Erin, if I was clever I wouldn’t do some of the things I do. With me it’s more my instincts and experience that count. I’m very hands on, and need to be where things happen. I think you are being kind but thank you all the same. A colleague took that photo a few months ago. She says it’s the real me, whatever that means! You know, I sense it’s you who is the clever one. I’ve worked with charities in the field and totally relied on the expertise of their admin folk to get someone as disorganised as me where I need to be – and back! So, ‘birthday girl’ next weekend, mid-twenties I’m thinking?

Erin:

Sam, you’re over-estimating me. No one ever calls me clever – I think it’s something to do with my long blond hair and boobs. Sometimes people look at me as if I’m just a dumb slut. Maybe they’re right – I’m on here, aren’t I? And for sure, the thought of you being very hands on is playing on my mind! The thing is, I’d like to be seen as normal too if that makes sense. You make me feel good about myself and I can’t remember the last time a man did that. I’ll be twenty-nine by the way, so about as young as you feel!

Sam:

Erin, there is no way you are dumb. The way you write shows me that there is so much more to you than your looks and sexuality. Yes, we’ve met on a site like this.  So what? You have your needs and I have mine but they don’t define us. I’ll not presume to say what yours might be or mine, or that we’ll ever share them – but yes, the things that play on your mind play on my mind too.

Erin:

Sam, the things you say to me, it’s almost as if you know me. For the first time I feel at ease with a man.  I feel I can really talk to you and you’ll not judge me. I like your understated manner. You are a bit mysterious, aren’t you? I probably shouldn’t ask but, if you can, I’d like to know more about what you do… and hmm, what’s playing on your mind then?

Saturday

Sam:

Surely I am not the first man to want to get to know you? Has there not been a man you felt you really wanted, who you opened up to, who made a difference to you? I’m nothing special, just an ordinary man. There isn’t anything too mysterious about me – I just can’t say too much about what I do on here. I liked your mischievous ‘hmm’, and you know full well what’s playing on my mind. I wonder how you imagine a scientist to be. Did you know our senses are highly tuned? We have a touch, a feel for things so sensitive that with experience we can almost feel the earth move. Some go far and wide to perfect this skill. Maybe one day all I’ll need is to be with you?

Erin:

You’re winding me up now, aren’t you? I’ve actually met the odd scientist through my work, odd being the operative word in my experience. I could have stood stark naked in front of one in particular and I’m sure he wouldn’t have noticed. I’m into being experimental and not had any complaints about my touch. And yes, Sam, you are the first man I’ve spoken to seriously on here. I’m so glad I found you, darling man.

Sunday

Sam:

Where to start?  I’m really enjoying this – it’s such bad timing that I have to go away. You know, it’s been a long time since I’ve been called darling or anything like that. It’s kind of nice. I think I’d best shut up before I say something stupid. Moving on to your experimental ways, you got me thinking how best to assess your skills – your flexibility, your responsiveness to diverse stimuli? Perhaps you could find a date that suits for when I come back? I fly out this afternoon and all being well I’ll be back on your birthday. Have to go now. Take care, Erin, I’ll miss you.

Erin:

I’ll do my best to find a date for us. You take care too, and if you can please try and keep in touch.  I’ll miss you too, Sam.

 

[EDC Writing©2017 – ‘Their Days’ – posts every Monday & Wednesday]

#1: Awakening – It started on a Sunday

Sunday

An early May weekend in southern England…

Sam sits, leans back, eyes shaded, hands clasped behind his head. Sweat beads on his pale chest, bared to blend with weathered arms and neck. Not a vain man, he just likes to think ahead, to a day or night he gets lucky; he hasn’t had much yet. Beads turn into rivulets, gather pace and glisten. Abs not flab defines their flow down to his faded combats.

There’s a buzz, a throbbing in his thigh; his left hand goes to his pocket. He grips his smartphone, oddly, between thumb and unoccupied ring-finger. G-mail ‘M’ on screen; he needs to go inside to read. Not just because of the glaring sun, but base instinct, and half-open eyes nearby. Effortlessly he rises; her senses tune to the rhythm of his flip flop walk to and beyond the kitchen door.

He opens the single unread mail: ‘Dream Arousal Site Alert – From Blond & Blue’, and logs in. The message box shows ‘One New’. A click reveals:

I’m here, you’re here, what are we waiting for?

Next to it there’s a thumbnail photo, a young woman, coyly posed, stunningly attractive. “Why would a woman who looks like that message me? Why is she on here at all? She could get any man she wants” he lip syncs as if to a song. He looks at her in disbelief, her natural smile and easy style radiating almost innocence. So different from others on this site, exposing boobs and bum and more, as if to compensate and say ‘Look at me not her.’

He fires off a reply, but it doesn’t send. “Sod it, how do I pay?” Turns out it’s easy, too easy. He charges a handful to his smartphone, to be discretely billed as ‘DAservice’. This time his message goes.

Wow, you look absolutely stunning. I just have to say hello, I’m Sam and spell-bound by your smile.

Exhilarated, he feels he’s been inside for ages, yet the oven clock shows just three minutes.

Back outside, she’s how he left her, eyes closed; her slow-breathing, mesmerising him.He kneels, their shadows merge as one. He strokes her upturned palm, gently traces her heart-line. Electrified she grips his fingers, earth’s them on her exposed thigh. Her wild eyes he fails to read within a blink re-adjust to the familiar ‘don’t push your luck’. His fingers lift, his prints fade; her day-dream moistness lingers.

He sits back on his heels. “Sorry, Amy, a message I had to deal with”. That smile, that face of his, magnetic, pulling at her core, his blue eyes cool, confusing her, as always. All too quick she says “That’s okay Sam, I should be going anyway.”

Without words, they stand. He holds her hand, walks her slowly to her car. Eyes steal stares as they kiss cheeks, their lips untouched as ever.

She says, “Good to see you”

He says, “I’ll call you”

Amy quickly drives away before her eyes betray her.

Sam looks up the road, till all sight and sound of her has gone, his hand holding air as if hers is still there. He shakes his head, so many things unsaid.

The evening sun goes down; there’s a slight chill, so he slips a polo shirt on. Woman bought, it’s a well-worn shade of pink, as is his sun touched skin beneath. He sits, restless in the chair that held her. His fingers caress its wooden arms; he feels a prick … a splinter.

Standing, he squeezes the shard free. A single drop of blood falls, smears, as his still muted phone gyrates across the glass topped table. ‘Blond & Blue’ replies:

Oh my goodness, do you really mean that? I’m Erin by the way.

Monday

Sam:

Hello, Erin, I can’t quite believe you got in touch. I’ve not done anything like this before so I’ll just be me and write the way I feel … is that alright with you?

Erin:

I like the way you write – it’s refreshing to find a guy who seems interested in me. Most men on here are only interested in one thing!

 

Tuesday

Sam:

I wonder how many lives your smile will light up today, how many pulses you will raise, how many will stumble for words on speaking to you, asking how you are, how your evening was, wishing they had been with you. I’m smiling now, thinking all these things too.

Erin:

You have made me smile that’s for sure – I wish I could be that infectious!

 

[EDC Writing©2017 – ‘Their Days’]