Chance conversation?

Thought I’d drop by as me, I thoroughly enjoy our interactions and have this feeling we could come up with an idea or two? The idea of meeting appeals to me, how about you?

I love our interactions also, I would be delighted to get together throw around some ideas and see what we can come up with. Yes, a delight indeed.

Ah get together, methinks it will take an opportunist convenience as coincidence unlikely. Where does one get out and about to, maybe we have passed somewhere as strangers, known unknowns; unlikely, I’d not walk by, I’d feel the vibe of you.

Maybe you are but a heartbeat from me. Imagine if we had passed each other as strangers, what an opportunity missed that would be. But I feel you are right and we would have known each other, somehow. What beautiful conversation we might have had, and certainly shall have, in the not too distant future.

His & Hers: Raw Lines #15 – but you won’t believe that either …

His:     Another weekend, short skirt, low top should get you what you need, quickie gratification, live up to why you’re on here. Get touched up for real, jerking off guys on this site must be frustrating for you. I guess most suss you out quite quickly, not so bloody stupid as me to fall for you. By now you may well have had a few drinks so might get to see the real you, what the hell you might actually loosen up and say what you really mean?

Hers:   That message was really horrible and unnecessary.  It’s really quite alarming when I read back through our messages and see how drastically your tone has changed towards me in such a short space of time. I think I was wise not to rush into anything especially as you clearly only see me as cheap and chatting to loads of other men. You couldn’t be more wrong, what a shame, I hope you find what you are looking for.

His:     If you’ve reread our messages then you will know the real me and realise that I had to do something drastic to find the real you. Do you honestly think I wanted to write that? I’ve found what I’m looking for, it’s you.

Hers:   Well if you didn’t want to write it then why did you? It is very hurtful and nasty and I am really not sure at all how I feel about you or anything anymore after you being so horrible to me.

His:     Look, I wrote ‘that’ message for a reason, to shake you up, to see if we really mattered to you, if I really mattered to you? Your reply this morning showed me the real you, the woman I always thought you were – you showed incredible maturity, despite the hurt, the provocation to lash out. You say you’re not sure of how you feel about me now, I think maybe you are even more sure than you were before, you are still messaging me for the same reason as I am you, neither of us could cope with losing each other – it really scares me, I’m still shaking, I took a huge risk last night, I had to, I had to bring things to a head.

Hers:   Your message was cruel and nasty, but you sent it because you wanted to shake me up? I’ve seen another side of you, a side I don’t like. If you really had feelings for me, you wouldn’t have sent a message like that.

His:     There is no way of explaining myself here is there? You know me, but choose to believe I’m bad and nasty, I know you, I know you’re not cheap, that’s why I said it, to get a reaction from you, to snap you out of being so damn passive, so irritatingly evasive, so annoyingly patronising on here. You are forever waiting, for what?  The sun doesn’t shine out of my backside or yours and never will, so please get real, accept us as we are, yes with a few flaws, both a bit bloody minded at times, but wow what a pair we are, what a couple we could be, if only you could see. I guess you want me to go now, if so I’ll respect your wish.

Hers:   I think you’ve shown what type of person you are by writing a message like that. I am an honest and sincere person and don’t like playing mind games, but you clearly do.

His:     I see no possibility of understanding or forgiveness from you so why are you still messaging if I’m so evil, so beneath you, so not your type? What you think matters but what you think about me is wrong, but you’ll never know. It’s such a shame but if you really have nothing left in you for me, then please stop messaging me and I’ll go. And just so you know I got it wrong, I blew it, looks like I’ve lost the woman I love, but you won’t believe that either.

Hers:   Because quite simply I can’t let go. I am desperately trying to work out why you said what you said. It upset me so much but then again it made me realise exactly how much you mean to me. Damn you, I still want you so much.

His & Hers raw words are extracts from a file of fictional messages written in recent years titled ‘Believing Sight Unseen.’ A first novel ‘Sam & Erin’ drawn from these extracts is nearing completion – a second novel ‘Sean & Ellie’ is in progress too.

His & Hers: Raw Lines #14 – Immunised against love

His:     You’re the most complex woman I’ve ever come across – such beauty, obvious intelligence, yet so suspicious and lacking in confidence. You really have been hurt and badly to need to hide yourself on here. That we met here is something of a miracle, that we stay here would be a tragedy and I will not let that happen. I can’t undo your past but I can be of your present, your future, as a friend and whatever else you find within yourself you need of me. I’m real, I’m genuine, above all I’m a man who somehow fell for you, and despite everything, I sense you feel the same?

Hers:   Maybe it’s my intelligence which makes me be suspicious and decide on what I do. I do not want to get hurt again, and that is why I am not rushing things forwards. Everything has its time and place. No tragedies please, just keep positive.

His:     My heart decides when it comes to you, against all logic, or what my mind says. Please listen to yours and if it says you want me, then call me.

Hers:   I have to listen to my head as well and unless the two are in unison I can’t make myself move on. I think we are having fun and I want it to continue and see what happens.

His:     No, we are not having fun. You are at the expense of my emotions. You ignore all I say, only want things to be your way not our way. You’re immunised against love, have not said a single word that shows you want me. Not in any way shown you care. It’s such a tragedy.

Hers:   I think this talk is crazy after only chatting for such a short time. I am sorry that you seem to think I am selfish in some way. I don’t know what you want me to say to that. Makes me feel great so thank you!

His:      Such a short time? Just one word left to say to you… enough!

Hers:   Oh come on. In the grand scheme of things it is crazy to be saying that. Of course I have feelings for you but I cannot declare my undying love for you before we are face to face. Not only would it be naïve it would be meaningless – when I show you and tell you how I feel about you I want it to be special and amazing. The real tragedy is that you want to walk away now, and for what – because I keep my heart inside of me, because I want us to be real.

His & Hers raw words are extracts from a file of fictional messages written in recent years titled ‘Believing Sight Unseen.’ A first novel ‘Sam & Erin’ drawn from these extracts is nearing completion – a second novel ‘Sean & Ellie’ is being worked on too.

His & Hers: Raw Lines #13 – back in touch

His:     The trouble is I doubt you, too much time has gone by, if you really cared you would surely have meet up with me by now. I think back a few months to when you said you loved me, I’d never been so happy, but then you withdrew your love saying you’re not sure, but all the time saying you never say anything unless you mean it. Do you really expect me to still believe that? You’d been saying we will meet soon for months, how gullible do you think I am? Read your so brief messages, where did the woman I used to know go. What the hell has happened to you?

Hers:   Nothing has happened to me, I don’t know why you are saying that? I have issues I’m trying to get over but I don’t like to talk about my problems with you as I don’t want to bring you down so I keep a lot to myself and trapped inside. I feel let down by your message to be honest.

His:    I can’t read your mind, I wish I could. I also wish you would share your problems with me and let me help you through them but I can’t do anything for you if you don’t trust me. Let me through your barrier and have me by your side for as long as you want and need me.

Hers:  Well I’m not asking you to read my mind and I’d rather keep my problems to myself, they are personal and for me to deal with, sorry.

His:    When I got back in touch you said I made you so happy and that I was in your heart, it moved me so much to hear you say that. But since you suggested our next step was to meet, and it was you, I just asked what happens next, you have been so indifferent and evasive. I can accept there’s an imbalance in our feelings for each other but even so, to say the least, I’m confused. I don’t know what to do?

Hers:   I’m a little confused here too as I think you are reading things in the wrong way. I do not think there is an imbalance with our feelings and besides, we all do and show things in a different way. We are not all the same. Please try not to over analyse things as you will drive yourself crazy. You don’t need to do anything, okay.

His & Hers raw lines resumed – extracts from ‘Believing Sight Unseen’ – can’t quite believe it’s been a year since I posted  His & Hers: Raw Lines #12 – subtle breeze…and nine months since Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #23 (novel to be published  as  ‘Sam and Erin – Believing Sight Unseen’)

EDC Writing – Prose to poetry – getting started.

My life changed in 2011/2012 – close to ending in 2011 – 2012 saw another me, raw, creative writing a release. ‘Believing Sight Unseen’ appeared, ‘His and Her’ words, in the form of messages, Sam & Erin’s mostly, this ‘new’ blog gives quite a few! An ‘old’ blog deleted, you live and learn – a less naïve me now in the online world!

Back to the beginning,  I wrote, a concept,  a synopsis,  for ‘Believing Sight Unseen’  –  sent out to acquaintances, to varying degrees – almost all said ‘we’re intrigued’ – one said ‘ your writing more poetry than prose ‘ – my take on prose, every word, fell into place as this: 

 

It started on a Sunday, a day unlike any other,

How could it be, when two people, so different,

A woman, blue eyed blond,  a man, blue eyed too and greying,

Came across each other, by chance, by fate,

All that matters is it happened.

 

Defying sense, at least the common sort,

They connected in a virtual way, real enough to them.

Naively they invested in each other, no guarantee of interest.

Their messages flowed as if free, though by what means,

Best not to say, you never know who reads.

 

Early days they wrote of lust and sensuality,

An upside down romance in many ways.

Graphic yes, but never crude, it was as if they knew,

Something special had begun, and with tenderness and care,

They explored, albeit blindly, the senses of each other.

 

Words appeared that had meaning as their hearts began to open,

Flowing into minds where spiteful demons lurked.

Feelings deepened, desires and hopes not fully recognised awakened,

Was this excitation of that latent state, the pure free energy of life.

Would either dare to name it.

 

Tensions rose, unintentional, but impossible to avoid,

In their character-limited message world.

So many misunderstandings, the cruel ambiguity of words.

Awful moments came, filled with agony and hurt,

Yet through extraordinary patience and forgiveness went.

 

Pain washed away by tears left scars unseen,

What fool said falling never hurts?

Now so close, so intimate, they clung each to the other,

A dance of sorts, one step forward, so often two steps back,

A strictly outer body experience.

 

Fate played a hand, an unmarked deck, do we ever know.

He took a chance and gambled, all or nothing now,

Feelings too intense to hide, he blew her mind,

Knocked her demons senseless, both touched and moved so much,

Their hearts became engaged, their souls mated.

 

Demons stirred again, exposing fears deep rooted in her past,

Systemic, defying trust, and maddening to male logic.

All attempts to meet met with frustration, so many times she said she would,

But so strong willed she railed against his pressure, all he did was ask.

For crying out loud, what’s wrong with her, and yes what’s wrong with him.

 

Both hearts ached to beat as one, their bond so fragile yet so strong,

Reaching out, yet still not close enough to touch the other.

So hard they tried to bridge what seemed a chasm,

He falling deep within, her teetering on the edge looking down,

Her biggest fear to lose him.

 

What became of these would be lovers,

Where did they land when falling done,

Hand in hand together, or shattered, broken and apart.

Their story now unfolds for those with hearts that can be touched,

And imaginations that can see beyond this man and woman’s words.

 

His & Hers: Raw Lines #1 – How do you feel today?

How do you feel today …

His:

How do you feel today? Your choice made, down to you, to be without me, happy to be young and carefree, moving on to suit your will? Smiling, knowing you’ll always be wanted, needed, in every way, by someone, your choice always, who you’ll let near. Every flaw, every fault of mine, magnified on here, every hope every feeling for you etched into my heart. You to me reality, the finality of desire, the ever present of my mind, the pearl of every tear, unforgettable, untouchable by me. And so, your choice for me to go, reluctantly accepted, my would be lover, the darling of my body heart and soul.

Hers:

Well that’s a lovely way of summing up everything, if it were true. I don’t see why you need to go, it’s not my choice, it’s one you’ve made, for whatever reason? Don’t you think it unfair that I don’t hear from you for weeks and then you make out that I’ve not missed you, that I don’t want you. What exactly did you want me to say, did you really think I was just going to hang around and pine for you?  I tell you, I’m disappointed in you, I thought you knew me?

…..

His & Hers – raw lines extracted from ‘Believing Sight Unseen’  a file of what was a quarter of a million words – now culled to about a hundred and fifty thousand – so many repetitions when a man and woman talk.

‘Believing Sight Unseen: Their Days’  the first book, ‘Sam & Erin’s Story’ evolved from this file – around thirty-five thousand words – to be published this Spring.

Further ‘His & Hers’ stories to come – believe me.

…..

EDC Shorts: lines – ‘prose’ – poetry #77

Believing Sight Unseen: Their Days is nearing completion. Sam & Erin’s story as posted on this blog  is a mix of narrative and message scenes – that will change to message only in the final book.  By chance I came across this version of their opening messages written in 2015 – the final version no doubt will be a little different but for me this is the awakening of Sam & Erin’s story.

…..

Sunday

Sam:

Sites like this are not my thing but playing around on the internet as you do your photo appeared to me, by chance, by fate who knows, but somehow you captivated me, your style, your class, your beauty, I just had to sign up, to say hello. It seems I’ve eyes for no one else, others may show their boobs, their bum and more, as if to say look at me not you, but you are the one that fills my eyes, you are the big surprise. That you are here at all I can’t think why, with your looks you could have anyone you want, but of course you’ll have your reasons, good luck to you, have fun. So there it is, I’m Sam, hello to you, I’m spell bound by your smile.

Erin:

Oh my goodness, what a lovely message – do you really mean that? I’m Erin by the way and from what I can see you look fit!

 

Monday

Sam:

Hello Erin, l can’t quite believe you got in touch, I keep looking at your photo, you really do look amazing. As for my photo, just a bit of fun to show I haven’t gone to seed! I’ve not done anything like this before, all I can do is be me, and write the way I feel.

Erin:

I like the way you write, it’s refreshing to chat to a guy who seems interested in me, most men on here are only interested in one thing!

 

Tuesday

Sam:

There must be plenty men who’ve been awed by your looks, your sensuality, your charms, I cannot imagine you ever having to try too hard, or being alone, so I have to ask, why spend time on a man like me?

Erin:

I find that a lot of guys who would like to be with me are far too immature. I’ve always been attracted to the more intelligent male and I like older guys too as I feel I’m treated much better by them, though there are always exceptions to the rules. What about you?

Sam:

For me intelligence and looks only go so far, it’s who and how you are that really matters. You have something, you intrigue me, and if you don’t mind me saying, it sounds as if you’ve been let down a time or two? Men say they cannot help but be what they are, some though do try to be as women want, but I’ll not deny it isn’t always easy! Sorry I’m probably talking too much?

Erin:

No not at all I don’t think you talk too much and I like reading what you have to say, it is all so real and insightful, I feel as though I am connecting with you and I am enjoying it and you.

EDC Shorts: lines – ‘prose’ -poetry #51

Messaging after dark … #2 of 2

 

Shaun

Come on Emily, let’s not cover old ground again. I’ve explained before why I came on here, why I started messaging, that the only reason I am on here is for you. I would love to be off of this site, but we’ve been through that too. I know it’s not going to happen until you feel able to meet me.

Emily

I appreciate what you are saying, but we haven’t bumped into each other on the street or in a club. We have met on the internet which comes with caution in my eyes. You really do need to remember you throw me each time you disappear and then come back again. Why do you keep doing this to me?

Shaun

The reasons have always been the same. Your inability to keep past promises, my frustration that you so often said you cared and trusted me yet would never tell me anything personal about yourself, you not having faith in me to respect the privilege of having direct contact with you, do I need to go on. All these things have come between us before but you chose to ignore them. I now realise that if we are to have a chance it can only come through your desire, mine has long been there. I want and need us to be real. So yes, hard lessons learnt.

Emily

I am so very sorry that you feel this way. I have not been stringing you along. I thought we would have met ages ago but it has just not happened yet. I don’t really know what to suggest. I want you to be happy in life, but I am not sure I can give you what you want. I am not perfect I know that, I have my faults, and yes I do lack in confidence, but I assure you I am genuine. I am truly sorry if you do not believe me.

Shaun

I believe you, Emily, and have no doubt that you are real and genuine. It’s taken a long time, too long, I know, for me to at last understand you well enough to say this. I promise you I mean it. My past reasons for leaving here are as I say in the past. I know just how much I feel for you. I’ve never known my heart ache as much as the times words have not passed between us. I’m here now because I need to be close to you, to at least have this much of you in my life, and hope for so much more. To me you mean more than anyone I’ve ever known. Emily, I’ll not willingly ever let you go again.

Emily

I’m glad you believe and trust me, but it has taken a lot of time to get to this point hasn’t it? I admit I am quite a closed person, yet somehow you have found a way in. Please, let’s just concentrate on our future together, and let me see the man behind the words.

Shaun

I’d love for us to now concentrate on our future together. Just writing those words make me feel so good about us. When I think of you, it’s always with you smiling; us side by side, holding hands. I have such a sense of romance, of serenity, of the magic that is us, of our need of each other. Emily, I have no doubt, we are meant to be.

Emily

I thought we were meant to be too, and still think that.  But we do have to move on from our misunderstanding as I am not here for an up and down relationship. I just want to be happy and for everything to be plain sailing. Is that too much to ask?

Shaun

You are here and I am here and that is all that matters now. For me it’s even more fundamental. What matters most is that we are in touch, that we communicate, that we let our feelings show. What I write to you comes from how I feel deep within, love from a giving heart. Whatever life may bring to me, I already have what means most, the feeling that I am as one with the woman that I love.

Emily

That is a really beautiful message. I feel so very lucky to have you in my life. I can feel your heart is so full of love and kindness. I promise you will find I’m worth the wait. The day will come when we will laugh about this, holding hands together. Goodnight my darling, Shaun.

 

[Source: Believing Sight Unseen ‘His & Hers’ words file]