Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #16

Saturday

Sam:

And you are telling me what exactly?

Erin

I’ve been looking after a friend, a girlfriend, who was once my lover. The night of the Saturday you came home from Greenland we were forced off the road – the car rolled for what seemed forever. I had just a few cuts and bruises, my friend was not so lucky, concussed and broken ribs. I’ve had to deal with her being in hospital and the police, and to help her recover she moved in with me. I couldn’t leave her on her own and I couldn’t tell you – I wasn’t sure you’d understand.

Sam

I’m numb. I have no words I trust myself to use.

Erin

I don’t know what to say now. I’ve been so nervous waiting to hear from you. I’m frightened that you are going to walk away. I need you to stick with me. We can keep going, can’t we?

Sam

The thing is you don’t need me to keep going. When all is said and done, I have a flaw – I’m a man. You don’t need me as a lover, you have one and she’s a woman.

Erin

Please, Sam, be the man I’ve always hoped you are. Yes, it’s taken a long time for me to realise, but I definitely want you and in every way possible. I’ve done nothing wrong, just held back that I’m a little different. I like men and women, some men like that.

Sam

Done nothing wrong?  I’m sorry, but how can you say that? You’ve said so much of me being a part of your life, yet you kept me at arm’s length while going through this. What of your female lover? Are you sure you want a man? Are you really going to go straight for me because I don’t want to share you.

Erin

I can’t become straight – it doesn’t work like that. I’m bisexual, it’s in my DNA. Come on, Sam, you’re the scientist, you should know that. When I’m with someone, male or female, I’m committed to them, and I choose to be with that one person exclusively. If we decided to do that then I would be with you.

Sam

This is so crazy, so absolutely mad – I need to know what you expect of me.

Erin

I know how you feel, and you know how I feel. The only thing that remains to be seen is if I’m worth the trouble you obviously think I’ll be for you. No matter how right I believe we are for each other, my life is more complicated than most. I can’t change that. If you felt the way you say you do about me you would understand and accept me, no matter what the circumstances.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #15

Friday

Sam

I do not want to lose you. There have been too many words, too many feelings, too many tears, for us to fail now. I do not want to hurt you, and I do not want any more misunderstandings. I know I want you, but how? You hold all the cards, yet they’re now so shuffled out of suits I think you do not know how to deal them. There are only two that matter: a knave and his queen, his reason to gamble that one day she will share her world with him, her king. I’ll say no more for now, and trust to fate, and the hand she gives.

Erin

That was so well said, please hold on to your belief in me – I’ve come too far to ruin everything. Sam, I pray so much that all this is real. I’m scared, but I need to tell you something that you need to know.

Sam

Don’t be scared, Erin, there’s not a thing you could say or show me that would ever make me feel other than I do. You are and always will be the woman I desire.  I just know we’ll get on fine, share endless laughs and pleasures – that we’ll both have sensually mischievous minds. You never cease to touch me when you show my words touch you. Please tell me whatever you feel I need to know, and while I wait I’ll ask you, in the time honoured old-fashioned way, to step out of the shadows and walk a while with me.

Erin

Your words have wrecked me. I can’t stop crying. No one in my life has ever touched me as you have. Sam, the only thing I want to say is yes, but first I have to lay myself open to you.

Sam

Erin, it’s now got very late, but I’ll not end this day until I give you a chance to say what you feel you need to.  I guess there is a man involved in some way?

Erin

You’ve got it wrong, Sam, it’s not a man, it’s a woman.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #14

Wednesday

Sam

I fear this could be too little too late? My heart is screaming at my mind, what have you done, she is the one. My head is throbbing fit to burst, but slowly a warm flow is reaching that awful cold place my man logic erupted from. I cannot promise it will not happen again, but my heart now has me firmly in its grasp. It does not want to risk losing you again.

Erin

You have had me in agony waiting for your reply. I want you and only you. Your heart is right, ignore your doubts. You can’t truly love if you have doubt in your heart. There is no doubt in mine.

Sam

I felt so tense opening your reply and so completely overwhelmed by what you said – I keep re-reading to be sure of the implication of your words. I’ve been so selfish – I do not think I had ever taken in just how deep your feelings for me are. I always hoped but never thought you could feel the same way about me as I do for you. I need you, Erin, I always will.

Erin

Your message has brought tears to my eyes. I’m being silly now, aren’t I? I just feel so strongly for you.

Sam

You are not being silly -our hearts know better than our minds what we are to each other and become so frustrated with us that they are letting our bodies know through tears and aches in need to be relieved places. My body is tingling as I type, my senses so heightened at the thought of your touch, the whole of me so wanting the whole of you.

Erin

You are such a romantic – I absolutely love it and everything you have said. I pray once I am in your arms and we are looking into each other’s eyes, everything will be perfect for us.

 

Thursday

Sam

There is not a day you are not in my thoughts – you are a part of me. You are the one who opened up my heart and showed me how to feel. I realise I’ve made mistakes, that I suffocated you with emotion, that I did not give you room to breathe. I hardly let myself breathe. I know very little but sense and feel so much. You are real and out there somewhere, I am out there too and always will be for you.

Erin

You are just unbelievably good at this, aren’t you? I so don’t understand why you have not been snapped up and appreciated in the way I intend to. Let’s just take things slowly, Sam, and you’ll not regret it, I promise.

Sam

I can only wonder what is so wrong, so sensitive in your life that you need to be so cautious. It’s what you mean by slowly, I know. Still, I have your promise and sense it’s not given lightly.

Erin

I know the onus is on me to change this, and I will as soon as humanly possible. Until then I ask you to please trust your senses, and your well-placed judgement and feelings for me.

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #13

Friday

Sam

We both appear to be struggling. I try to be a decent man for you but admit I find my self-respect waning being on a site like this.  My mind says you are unable to give, yet my heart says otherwise.

Erin

Okay, cards on the table. I want to be with you. I mean everything I say to you, but I also feel pressured by you at the moment into moving on so hurriedly! It’s not really your fault I’m feeling pressured, it’s in me to react to pressure so I apologise for that.  But please understand, I’m not having a go at you, I’m just asking you to let me sort myself out, in my time. I will be with you, I promise you that.

Sam

Sometimes I wonder if you actually believe some of the seemingly credible excuses you come up with. Why don’t you simply have the decency to say that you enjoy the fantasy of messaging and that though you may believe it at the time, when it comes to the reality of commitment in any form, you are incapable of showing it. I feel such a fool to have let you mislead me.

Erin

I am not at all sure how I respond to that message! Nobody is saying you are a fool, but you are not truly giving me the time and space I need. I keep telling you I hate being pushed, but you keep on doing it. Please don’t be like this. I hate that you think I don’t trust you because I do. I promise you, it will all be worth the wait, and one day we will laugh about this.

 

Saturday

Sam

My heart is leaking you, my every nerve on edge as I tell you that I’m not able to go on like this. This site for you is a sanctuary – for me it is a prison. I’ve said and done all I can to bring us together but failed. Erin, there is nothing else I can do. To stay on here would be torture. You probably cannot see it, but you are pushing me away, pushing me beyond the limits of what I can take.

Erin

Come on, please don’t be like that. I didn’t realise you feel I’m pushing you away. This is just madness. We have a good thing here and I don’t want it to end.  I really care for you, and will make it happen soon. That is if you still want me?

 

Sunday

Sam

I’m not going to message for a while. Maybe if you re-read your messages you’ll see what I see, someone who cannot bring herself to give anything for us. Your reasons, no doubt good ones, but I wouldn’t know.

Erin

Okay, well go then! Honestly, I’m totally gutted that you can just leave me like this!

Their Days: Sam & Erin’s Story #12

Wednesday

Sam

Good to hear I’m home? You’re completely confusing me! I’m trying to help you, but you don’t seem to need it? I thought we had something, yet you can’t wait even a day for me. You’ve got me thinking!

Erin

Can you just slow down a bit? I’m feeling really overwhelmed with all that’s going on and I need to be with someone I know, that’s all. Look, Sam, you are getting too heavy too fast, and I can’t cope right now, okay.

Sam

I really feel for you, you know that. Whatever’s going on in your life right now, little if anything, seems good. I can’t say I understand because you’ve still not told me anything. We have something good, don’t we?

Erin

I really don’t know what we have if I’m being honest. I think I have feelings for you, but I can’t deal with them right now. I’m feeling pressured and I hate that. You’re truly a great guy, but I just feel, and I’m so sorry to say this, that you are suffocating me. I just want things to slow way down. Please give me space to sort myself out. Sorry.

 

Thursday

Sam

Where did that come from?  It was only a couple of days ago that you said you don’t want to be given space and now I’m suffocating you? Not for the first time, you’re not making much sense to me. We both know that we need to move forward and for me it needs to be this week.

Erin

Okay, well, I am reading that and thinking you’re not really as into this as I am. Yes, I know that we have to move to the next step and that’s what we’re trying to do, aren’t we? If only it could be a bit easier, that’s all!

Sam

I sense real desperation in you which makes me so annoyed with myself that I have clearly failed to earn your trust.  Such a shame as talking to me would be easier than you seem to think. Believe it or not I’m the kind of man who listens, the kind of man you’ll have never spoken to before.

Erin

I do find it hard to open up about problems, but that’s because I’ve had it thrown back in my face before. I’m sure you are trustworthy, but maybe it is my own courage that’s the problem?