#17 Their Days: Indiscretion – In my own way

[Believing Sight Unseen – Their Days – Sam & Erin’s Story]




Yet another weekend, you’ll look so good, so gorgeous, so desirable on a night or two out with your friends, maybe a date, maybe someone regular? I’m not naive, you are a highly sexed woman – you have your needs and more ways than most to sate them. I just do not understand, given all you’ve said you feel, why not with me? I’m struggling now to comprehend what we are all about, please tell me why you’re doing this to me? I’ve been hurting too long to keep on taking more, why can’t you open up and let me in, why can’t you let me see who you really are?


Yes, I am going out but there won’t be any dates with men or women, just me and my friends. Believe it or not although I am highly sexed there is more to life than just sex. You are going on like I am sleeping with everyone apart from you!


I do not think of you like that at all, you should know that! Of course I know there is much more to a relationship than sex – I know that more than most. I wish you did not get so defensive whenever I try to let you know how I feel. Look, as yet we have not made any commitment to each other, but I want to Erin, you know that. We are not exclusive to each other, but I want to be with you, but we have not even met so I do not expect it from you. It’s obviously your life to live as you like – I’d just like to know when I’ll be a part of it?


You are a part of it and that is what I am saying, there is no one else. I am enjoying the time getting to know you, no hidden agenda, I just want it to continue as we are and see how it goes that’s it, it’s for all the right reasons you know?


If only I knew what to say, had words left to give you what you seem to need, more and more of them from me. I want to share my thoughts with you but nothing new will come, I’ve revealed all I am, more to you than anyone, you know the man I am. You say you have no agenda, yet you seem to want to control me – no one ever has, or ever will. Don’t you see, I’d give everything for you, willingly of my own free will. I think of us as equals, dynamic individuals, free spirits, with engaged hearts, separated for no good reason that I can see. Erin, do you really need more of this or the real possibility of us?


I don’t need the possibility of us, I need the real us. I always have and always will. Have I ever given you reason to doubt this? I’ve loved getting to know you and still do. I thought you knew our feelings were mutual.


I need the real us too, Erin. Only you can bridge the gap between us, only you can say the time for us to meet, our future is in your hands now, only you can make us complete. We have stood the test of time, it’s our time now to be together, it’s time we said ‘hello’ and be what we can be.


I appreciate what you are saying, Sam. Our knowledge of each other is growing, I know our feelings are getting deeper, but it’s strange for me to feel like this and I just need us to be more comfortable with each other before we get together.


You are not hearing what I say. You do not understand I am way ahead of you, my feelings are the deepest. I am uncomfortable being without you, uncomfortable being on here. There is more to us than just what you want, what I want matters too. There has to be a way ahead for us – what are we actually waiting for?


I am hearing you very loud and clear! I’ve asked you not to push me – maybe you need to keep a firmer grip of your feelings?


No, Erin, I am not holding back my feelings, how can I, they are real. If you can keep a grip on yours then perhaps they are not so real. I cannot bear to be apart from you, yet you just want to be on here. We need to talk, Erin, I need to hear your voice, I need to look into your eyes and have you see just how much I’ve fallen for you.


Sam, I do want to talk to you but I feel better talking here first. There are things that I can say here that I could never say to you face to face or over the phone. Please let me in my own way.

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