#8: Exposure – If only this was easier

Tuesday

Sam:

Hi, Erin, I’m at Heathrow, just waiting for a taxi. Should be home in about an hour. Do you want to meet up? I don’t mind where. It’ll be easier to talk face to face, don’t you think? Hope to see you later.

Erin:

Sam, lol, your timing; I’m waiting for a friend to call me back. I’ll probably stay with her tonight. I just need someone to hold me, and to get a little drunk with. I’m not coping too well on my own. Good to hear you are home though.

 

Wednesday

Sam:

Good to hear I’m home? You are completely confusing me! I am trying to help you but you do not seem to need it? I thought we had something, yet you can’t wait even a day for me. You’ve got me thinking!

Erin:

Can you just slow down a bit. I am feeling really overwhelmed with all that’s going on and I need to be with someone I know, that’s all. Look, Sam, you are getting too heavy too fast, and I can’t cope right now, okay.

Sam:

I really feel for you, you know that. Whatever’s going on in your life right now, little if anything, seems good. I can’t say I understand because you’ve still not told me anything. We have something good, don’t we?

Erin:

I really don’t know what we have if I am being honest. I think I have feelings for you, but I can’t deal with them right now. I’m feeling pressured and I hate that. You are truly a great guy but I just feel, I am so sorry to say this, that you are suffocating me. I just want things to slow way down. Please give me space to sort myself out. Sorry.

 

Thursday

Sam:

Where did that come from?  It was only a couple of days ago that you said you don’t want to be given space and now I’m suffocating you? Not for the first time, you’re not making much sense to me. We both know that we need to move forward and for me it needs to be this week.

Erin:

Okay, well, I am reading that and thinking you are not really as into this as I am. Yes, I know that we have to move to the next step and that’s what we’re trying to do, aren’t we? If only it could be a bit easier, that’s all!

Sam:

I sense real desperation in you which makes me so annoyed with myself that I have clearly failed to earn your trust.  Such a shame as talking to me would be easier than you seem to think. Believe it or not I am the kind of man who listens, the kind of man you will have never spoken to before.

Erin:

I do find it hard to open up about problems but that is because I have had it thrown back in my face before. I’m sure you are trustworthy, but maybe it is my own courage that’s the problem?

 

Friday

Sam:

We both appear to be struggling. I try to be a decent man for you but admit I find my self-respect waning being on a site like this.  My mind says you are unable to give, yet my heart says otherwise.

Erin:

Okay, cards on the table. I want to be with you; I mean everything I say to you, but I also feel pressured by you at the moment into moving on so hurriedly! It’s not really your fault I am feeling pressured, it’s in me to react to pressure so I apologise for that.  But please understand, I am not having a go at you, I am just asking you to let me sort myself out, in my time. I will be with you, I promise you that.

Sam:

Sometimes I wonder if you actually believe some of the seemingly credible excuses you come up with. Why don’t you simply have the decency to say that you enjoy the fantasy of messaging and that though you may believe it at the time, when it comes to the reality of commitment in any form, you are incapable of showing it. I feel such a fool to have let you mislead me.

Erin:

I am not at all sure how I respond to that message! Nobody is saying you are a fool, but you are not truly giving me the time and space I need. I keep telling you I hate being pushed, but you keep on doing it. Please don’t be like this; I hate that you think I don’t trust you because I do. I promise you, it will all be worth the wait, and one day we will laugh about this.

 

Saturday

Sam:

My heart is leaking you, my every nerve on edge as I tell you that I am not able to go on like this. This site for you is a sanctuary; for me it is a prison. I have said and done all I can to bring us together but failed. Erin, there is nothing else I can do. To stay on here would be torture. You probably cannot see it but you are pushing me away, pushing me beyond the limits of what I can take.

Erin:

Come on, please don’t be like that. I didn’t realise you feel I am pushing you away; this is just madness. We have a good thing here; I don’t want it to end.  I really care for you, and will make it happen soon. That is if you still want me?

 

Sunday

Sam:

I am not going to message for a while. Maybe if you re-read your messages you’ll see what I see, someone who cannot bring herself to give anything for us. Your reasons, no doubt good ones, but I wouldn’t know.

Erin:

Okay, well go then! Honestly, I am totally gutted that you can just leave me like this!

 

[EDC Writing©2017 – Their Days – posts on Monday & Wednesday]

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